Why don't relationships work?

It's hard to make friends when you're an adult.
I wish you had enough conversation skills to make it fun to talk to you.
Wouldn't it be nice to just increase the number of acquaintances, even if they aren't even friends?
If there is a purpose that requires common cooperation, such as fishing, golf, or mahjong, the connection may become stronger.

I read your consultation. Even though they are sincerely involved with people, relationships don't last, they don't take interest in their partner, and they say goodbye unreasonably. I think it's a very sad question about why relationships don't grow even after making an effort.

1. A relationship cannot be formed by “this effort” alone

In Buddhism, it is called “good fortune,” and they explain that all events occur when countless conditions overlap. Even if you are sincere, countless factors are involved, such as the other person's state of mind, life situation, past experiences, and values. In other words, relationships are not formed only by one's own efforts; they only continue when each other's conditions mesh.

2. Honesty becomes “the power to re-select relationships”

Honesty is not “the power to make a relationship last,” but it is the power to “choose again” a relationship. If you continue to get involved with a sincere attitude, there are people who leave unreasonably and people who don't have a relationship, but the people who remain are “people who really should have a relationship with you.” Conversely, people who are unfaithful only gather similar relationships.

3. A broken relationship is also a “relationship to protect oneself”

From a Buddhist point of view, breaking a relationship itself is also “being protected.” People who get unreasonably angry, people who don't keep their promises, may have hurt you even more deeply if that kind of relationship continues for a long time. Leaving early is actually a huge act of mercy.

4. About mental posture

“The reason we don't have a relationship is not because I have a flaw”
→ The opponent's conditions and timing factors are significant.

“A relationship that doesn't last creates a vacant lot for the next relationship.”
→ Encounters and breakups work in pairs.

“Honesty is not wasted”
→ Even if you don't get rewarded right away, it always resonates only with people who are sincere.

summary

There are times when relationships don't work even if you treat them sincerely. However, this is not “your sincerity has been denied,” it's just that “the relationship with your current partner wasn't ripe under the current conditions.” The lightness of heart changes depending on whether you look at a broken relationship as “bad luck” or “a margin for a new relationship.”

Please don't assume that “the relationship won't last = your own fault” and keep being honest. That attitude will surely nurture relationships with people who are right for you.

Gassho

Buddhism explains that “the body is unclean.”
Bodies are inherently unsanitary and gross.
However, at sports games, I'm happy to come into contact with sweaty others and hug each other, I can kiss each other, and my parents wipe my child's poop.
In other words, if there is an impulse (stimulus) that exceeds the aversion to impurity, people act.
Also, people are worried about laziness, they want to avoid bothersome things, and concentrating on one thing for a long time is also bothersome.
Therefore, no matter how honest a salesperson is, it would be bothersome if they were made to listen to advertisements for products they are not interested in for a long time.
Being honest doesn't necessarily mean it will sell.
When it comes to unpurity, it still increases with age.
When we were kids, we were less unclean with each other, so it was easy to skinship and get along well with each other.
So, if you can stimulate desire (joy, tension, temptation) that surpasses unpurity or laziness (it's troublesome to be dealing with), it will be easier for relationships to connect,
It would also be advantageous to reduce one's own filth and hassle.
For example, if the speaking speed is too slow, you'll get confused just by listening, so it might be a good idea to match the speed at which the other person is speaking and speak fast too.
Also, if you just smile and listen to the story in a fun way, the other person may feel good (forget about the unclean).

“If you go on a trip and don't meet someone better than you, or someone who is good for you, you'd rather go alone once and for all. Don't let a fool go with you.”
These are the words of Shakyamuni.
It's a different story if you're young and placed in unbearable loneliness, but if not, there's no need to force yourself to make friends.
Expanding friendships may be important, but I think it's more important to cherish your few best friends than that.