Mother-in-law trying to take the baby

I gave birth to a baby this year.

In the early stages of pregnancy, I was hospitalized once due to an impending miscarriage.
After that, my mother-in-law repeatedly invited me to come to Yoshizane's house in the neighboring prefecture. I was invited over and over again because I was hospitalized due to an impending miscarriage, but I was told that it was fine because it was already in a stable period.
When I went to Yoshizane's house before I became pregnant, I was taken around even though I was unwell, and I vomited on the street. Even though I was a good age, I threw up on the street and it was very pathetic. If my parents-in-law didn't force me, I was able to do something about it myself before I threw up on the street.
So I definitely didn't go during pregnancy.

When the baby was born safely and I met my parents-in-law, this time my mother-in-law said, “I still don't know the baby's mother.” When I asked them to meet every other month, they said it twice every month.

Is my mother-in-law trying to take the baby from me in 2 stages: before birth and after delivery.
Like having a miscarriage during pregnancy, and remove me from my baby's mind when I'm born.

Even though I was really worried about my baby's health, I was concerned about my mother-in-law's ego, which disregarded it. So I wanted my mother-in-law to recover the risk in her own way, and when I asked my mother-in-law to pray for the baby's healing from her illness at her favorite shrine, she was thrilled.

But my grudge against my mother-in-law won't go away. I want to curse down my mother-in-law, but since she asked for prayers, it seems like the baby's health is being held hostage, so I can't do it.

I wanted to hold a grudge against my mother-in-law, but I couldn't, so I wrote it here.

I was also asked to listen to it on chat GPT, but my anger was rekindled and it wasn't easy to go away.
I wrote it because it would be read by monks and other readers if it were here.

4 Zen Responses

Please keep the distance

I'm sorry for your feelings.
Even if I put up with meeting face to face again during my most recent prayer, I would like to make sure we don't meet again after that. Is it something I can't do after consulting with my husband?
My really, really painful feelings are conveyed here. The phrase “I want to do a curse” seems to have all the simmered thoughts on it.
I can't stop hoping that not only for your children, but above all else, you will regain a happy time.
These words may not solve anything, but if that accumulation becomes even a little lighter... you've already been working hard with all your might, so I'd like you to just think about what you can do to make it easier (fun) in the future. We clap hands.

Let's raise children with peace of mind

I read it.
I see... you've been having a very hard time being swayed by what your mother-in-law says. And they tried to take your child away, right? I can tell you that you had a very hard time and that you are envious of your mother-in-law. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

The only thing that is important to you is to raise your child with peace of mind. So the mother-in-law is second after three. So I think it's okay to talk carefully to my husband and leave my mother-in-law alone.

My child is a baby, so I think it's still going to be difficult to take care of them. Please concentrate on taking good care of your children first while helping each other with your husband.
Also, you must be very tired, so let's ask your husband and many other people to take care of you. Please take your time and rest as much as possible.

So I think I can leave my mother-in-law alone. Let's ask my husband to tell me that this is a very important time.
You don't have to worry about praying. I'm sure the Buddha, gods, and ancestors will watch over your child's healthy growth. Please don't worry.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that you can raise your child healthily every day while helping each other with your husband, so that your child can grow healthily and that you and your husband help each other and live a rich and happy life from the bottom of your heart.
And I wholeheartedly support you, your husband, and your children.

Resentment (anger) is stressful, so be careful

Has your fear of babies lessened since the last question asked?
It is said that the father (grandpa) is cooperating with raising the child, so I think it's reassuring, but it may be uneasy when viewed from the mother-in-law's point of view.
My mother-in-law is also an important grandchild, so maybe she's worried.
Maybe that's why they want to keep an eye on it up close.
I'm not saying this to hold my mother-in-law's shoulder.
Fear and anxiety are also stressful, but resentment (anger) is also stressful, so easing resentment against your mother-in-law and switching to mercy (forgiving and being kind to your partner) will lead to a reduction in your stress and mental and physical lightness.
If you can take care of your mother-in-law, be able to forgive your mother-in-law that her worries and suffering go away, so that your mother-in-law can feel happy, and that such a mother-in-law also has a cute place, it will also lead to your mental and physical health.
So, anger against your mother-in-law doesn't have to drop to zero, so stop thinking about anger at your mother-in-law over and over again.
Try to reduce the number and duration of your resentment and anger, because it's fine to think about other fun things or hum a song.
If you do that, as a result, your mind and body will feel lighter, and the energy you can use to raise children may also increase.
appending
Thanks for commenting.
The feeling of anger has passed away, hasn't it?
Feelings such as anger and sadness are probably “impermanent” phenomena that always disappear.

To protect my heart as a mother

From what you wrote, it is conveyed how strong your anger, anxiety, and resentment against your mother-in-law is, and at the same time, how deep your feelings of trying to protect your baby are. This is a “natural reaction as a mother,” and it is by no means abnormal or wrong. Rather, it is an expression of strength of mind to “protect what should be protected.”

About feelings of resentment
In Buddhism, “resentment and anger” are treated as “afflictions,” but it is more like “fire in the heart” than “evil.” Depending on how you use fire, it heats food and saves people, but if left alone, the fire will spread. The anger within you right now stems from a strong sense of mercy (compassion) to protect your baby. Don't lose sight of its roots.

Don't misunderstand causal retaliation
Your baby's health will not become a “hostage” by asking your mother-in-law to pray. Buddha and God do not make deals, and prayer originally purifies the hearts of both those who wish and those who pray. Please don't bind yourself with the idea that “I asked for it, so I can't curse it anymore” or “it has the opposite effect because I prayed.”

Prioritize your own peace of mind
The distance between me and my mother-in-law is like a “protective mask to protect the baby.” Taking physical and psychological distance without being forced into contact is also a great form of training.

The fact that you put your thoughts into words here and now is a big step in trying to sort things out without getting swallowed up by anger. Please protect your own heart first while valuing your kindness as a mother.

Gassho

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