Who's at fault?

I read it.
I've read what you've done up until now. I think you've had a very difficult time dealing with so many people up until now. And even now, you're having a very difficult time not being able to live the way you want, and your relationships with people aren't going well.
I sincerely understand your painful feelings.
Is it your fault that you are in such a situation? You're worried about that, aren't you?
I don't know the details about you, but I don't think it's your fault. You've lived with many different people as you grew up, and you've probably lived your life as hard as you are, and you've probably had a very hard time yourself. It's not your fault that you were bullied; the bully is bad.

I don't know how your relationship is with your husband or daughter, but I think you've worked hard.

You may be in a very difficult situation right now, but your mind and body are probably so exhausted that you have exceeded your limits. First of all, please take care of yourself, and let them rest as slowly as possible.

And please calm down and talk about how you feel. Please tell us about your painful feelings, sorrows, and the present here as well. Then, let's clearly exhale what has happened up until now from within your heart. Please lighten your heart little by little.
You also have a relationship with us here, so feel free to talk about it as you like.

We look forward to welcoming you.

“You're not bad”
These are sweet words.
I'm also inherently forgetful, and I've left behind a lot of things since I was little.

The term “developmental disability” became rampant in society after becoming an adult, and there was a time when I thought that forgetting was not a “personality,” but a “limit” I was born with.
“You're not bad”
I wanted this word.

However, later I realized that I had lost my trust due to my forgotten homework, my academic ability that didn't improve, and the class time spent preaching to me.
These are not coming back.

Those things that are gone are determined to be my fault.

read your text,
The girl you were with was disliked because of that girl
The reason you were disliked was because you hurt both the child whose secret words were revealed and the girl who was told bad things you didn't need to know.

“I don't know” doesn't mean I don't like it anymore.
Even if permitted by law, you will have to take responsibility for personal feelings involving you, such as being disliked or hated.

But the only thing that's bad is “just your portion.”
Let's continue to properly apologize to those we want to forgive and those we want to connect with.
It's not “because you're bad.”
“Because the other person felt bad.”

So, let's apologize for your part.
It's easier than thinking badly about “bad or not bad”

You can't get it out of your head the whole time, right?

Someone else's fault... living for someone else's reason can feel like a burden within yourself, even if it seems like you've overcome it.

Everyone looks at things from their own standpoint, so they attack by blaming their opponents in order to justify themselves as who is at fault and whose fault. At the end of the day, what people around you did to you was also violent, wasn't it?

I don't even know the truth back then, but it's certain that you're still deeply hurt. I think everyone involved in hurting people by bullying should reflect on it.

Also, from that experience, I can feel safer and happier if I live a way of life where I can show compassion to myself and my partner.

Are you currently in the middle of divorce mediation?
It's painful. I'm worried. I wonder if that is why things from my school days come back to life. I can only listen to stories at Hasunoha, but I want this to be a place where you feel at ease. Please ask the mediator to listen to various stories as well.

Hana-sama

You're not bad. Furthermore, you are not responsible for having autism or depression, and it's not your fault.
Autism is often a personality born with, so even if you blame yourself, you won't be able to solve it. Being depressed is also greatly influenced by those around you, and you become depressed to protect yourself. Your self-defense due to depression is caused by experiencing threats such as bullying or violent rants, memorizing them, and being constantly covered by threatening feelings.
If the feeling of threat does not go away and the state of depression continues, others will think that they are fearful beings. This isn't your fault, it's your brain's natural response. The brain is designed to respond sensitively to threats. I have trouble building relationships with others because of laziness. It's not all your fault. As I mentioned earlier, it's a brain habit.

But I think it would be difficult to live with this. Therefore, when it comes to “what should I think in my life,” it is important to think over and over again, “I'm not bad, I'm not responsible, it's not my fault.”
Also, do something that will heal you and feel safe and secure. Feeling healed and at ease both mentally and physically is a way to ease feelings of threat. It doesn't matter what method you use. Even in meditation. Even with yoga, I take a leisurely soak in the bath. Please continue to feel healed and safe every day, such as drinking hot drinks, using aromas, etc.
As you soothe the turbulence in your heart and feel calm, your feelings of threat will gradually decrease, and you will be able to take care of yourself. By continuing to appease, positive feelings opposite to depression will also appear. You will be able to show kindness towards yourself, have strong compassion for yourself, and have a sense that you can live with courage. So, as you step by step, let's move from healing to compassion for yourself, and be able to have feelings of compassion for others as well.
Please refer to it.