What is the meaning of my life and the meaning of being born?

When I died in a previous life, I wasn't aware yet, and my obsession (thirst) for life remained, so I think I was reincarnated until today.
Not limited to humans, all of Heaven (gods), Ashura, Hell, Gakki, and Beast have been reincarnated because they were unable to attain Buddhism in previous lives.
If you turn it around, it can also be said that my previous life self thought “I still want to live,” so my wish came true and I was born.
However, if I had been reincarnated as a slug, I wouldn't have cared about the “meaning of life.”
Since I was born a human, there is a possibility that I have a lot of trouble.
However, in Buddhism, it is also said that only humans can enlighten (attain Buddhism).
Even the gods need to be reincarnated as humans in order to understand like the Buddha.
With that in mind, the privilege of learning Buddhism is priceless.

First of all, I would like to express my deep respect for the fact that you have so candidly confided in your heart.
We monks are by no means unwavering beings who decide the “meaning of life” once and for all. Rather, ascetic practice is a path of continuing to face “living” itself. Therefore, the anxiety and questions you are feeling right now are one of the most important entrances to Buddhism.

1. What is “living”
In the Shingon sect, “living” is not simply about breathing, but about enjoying what exists here and now through a “relationship.” Your breath, your child's voice, and the people you meet are not all coincidental; they all appear as a result of countless overlapping relationships. Even if you are afraid of people or are not good at calculations, it is already precious that you are certainly standing in that “place of life.”

2. The monks also continue to search for “meaning”
Monks are constantly asked “why do I live” and “what can I give to others.” I myself don't have a single answer. Some days it's “to deliver prayers,” and other days I feel “there is meaning in just cleaning.” In other words, the meaning of life is not a big goal; it is something that manifests itself in the small actions of every day.

3. Specific advice for you
You don't need to stop denying yourself, but don't blame yourself too much.
From the Buddha's perspective, all lives are equal, and your presence here itself is a precious merit.

“One step” = not everything at once, but small things to do in everyday life.
Challenging qualifications and trying to meet people is itself an ascetic practice and merit.

I also acknowledge that I'm afraid of people.
Don't deny the feeling of being “scared,” and please stay close to that feeling first. Quiet ascetic practices, such as chanting mantras and copying sutras, greatly help to stabilize the mind.

4. The question of whether it's OK to live
Buddhism preaches that your life does not belong to you alone, but that it lies on the edge of infinity. Therefore, the question “is it OK to live” can be changed to the question “how to make use of this life.” The meaning of life is not something you find somewhere in the future; it is already in the fact that you are “breathing” now.

Gassho

It's important for you to express your desire to really change your way of life for the better.
It's called a pledge.
We are humans, and we live in a world where there are many humans.
There are all kinds of people. Even though they are humans, there are a lot of dangerous people whose essence is not much different from animals or living things just because only their appearance is the appearance of a human being. It's true.
So just like in the animal world, take the mount with the weak and the strong, and listen to me! There are also people who selfishly show that they are superior and take it away. There must have been a lot of people who did horrible things to do whatever they wanted to you. They've probably been bullied a lot, deceived with kind words, and used by men, so let's try to protect ourselves from now on.
It's fine to doubt it too, so be sure to properly 👁 spot 👿 signs 💀 of people who sneak up on you and try to get something from you or use it.
If you think you're in a situation where you need some support, I think it's rather easier to apply for a disability certificate, etc. I think I can put myself in a kinder social position. It seems that an acquaintance's monk was also certified as disabled as a married couple, changed their positions and points of view, and began their lives from a new perspective. People are born, and they can't choose their abilities. The balance of power also varies from person to person. You're probably extremely good at a certain field. Therefore, if you can make good use of those abilities and brain power, you will find a way of life that is comprehensively balanced, and you will quickly find jobs that help people. No matter what kind of work or work in this world, it is useful to someone.
You probably spin twice as fast as humans, and you're also sensitive and sensitive. I think they have sharp sensors that can notice things that normal people can't feel or notice. That's why when those excellent abilities 🚄 explode, they just become terribly delusional about things they are uneasy or don't understand. In Buddhism, suffering due to that overthriving consciousness is called five great suffering.
That's why let's act according to the guidance of the Buddha's teachings. The Buddha's teaching is to move away from your own heart and negative thoughts that torment you. What I thought wasn't about me. My mind came to me without permission 🏇 I'm just rambling.
First, let's repent to your husband in a place where he isn't there, offer prayers of gratitude and remorse, and be reborn now.

I read it.
I read that you have lived through a very painful life until now. I think those pains, suffering, and sorrows were all difficult things that could not be expressed in a single word. I don't know the details about you, but I really understand your painful feelings.

What is it that you are living in the past that you have lived? What is the meaning of being born? You're thinking that, aren't you? I imagine you are feeling that way in the midst of your intense pain right now.

If I were to tell you something personal, I think that living is about being given a lot. What I can do is limited, and what I can think of is limited.
I think the meaning and purpose of my birth and life is being made use of by being born in various relationships amidst various encounters.

In my life up until now, there have been very disgusting and painful times, and there have been many times where living has become difficult and I want to die even more.
However, I've recently come to think that the reason I've been kept alive until now is because I was able to meet various relationships and Buddha's salvation.
I spent half my life trying to live away from the temple, but there were twists and turns, and I took a detour back to the temple. I'll leave out the details, but that is also a strange connection.
And here we are listening and sharing your thoughts, worries, suffering, and sorrows. I think that is also the meaning and purpose of my life.

After all, living is all about hardships, hardships, and things that don't go the way you want. However, this kind of life is precious and very important, and sharing thoughts in life is very important in life, and I think it will lead to meaning, purpose, and salvation.

I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can share your thoughts while being blessed with many relationships in the future, respect each other from the bottom of your heart, and live a healthy life with everyone.

And I will support you from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree