Heartbreak, emptiness

Encounters are luck, so there are times when you can't help it.
There aren't many good free men, but I think there are men who aren't bad freelancers, so let's look for them.
Good men are made of good women, so it's natural for good men to have good women beside them.
Look for someone you can have a fun conversation with and who cares about you so you aren't fooled by your appearance or occupation.
Also, let's make friends (even acquaintances) by expanding not only marriage but also hobbies and activities other than work. That's because friends are often in a relationship for a longer time than a partner.
I hope you have a good encounter.

Your parents have passed away, and I think all of you have persevered and lived in the midst of no one to rely on.

If anything happens, there are probably people who are living without suppressing the shaking of such feelings, but I feel like you've taken everything into your own hands and haven't held back.
I think I've suppressed showing my emotions because if I don't do well, I have to be myself where I can stretch my heart out to my parents.

Even if you meet someone, you can't take the first step in terms of age, or if you move away from marriage, the probability of meeting the ideal person also decreases, right? The same can be said for men, though.

Isn't it okay to struggle? Even if it's embarrassing, even if it's someone you have a partner with, isn't it okay to make conveying your feelings more important than stepping away?

You only live once. I don't even know where the connection is. Even if you wait, nothing like a drama will happen.
If that's the case, I think being able to casually attend a marriage hunting party will also help you discover your appeal and gain confidence in your approach.

Also, it's not just your partner who adds color to your life. Connections spread in many directions. Improving work skills, learning and activities, and friends you meet in local clubs and communities will also become reliable support. I also feel it every day. An understanding person or ally is not always limited to a partner. The presence of friends whom you can cherish is pleasant.

Why don't you expand that kind of world too?

　Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing your feelings of loneliness.
When similar experiences are repeated, the term “homework” comes to mind. I know that's not unreasonable either.
I wasn't able to decipher the current situation or how I wanted to go in the future, but I thought I was just thinking about marriage, so I'll write my own view on marriage. So if you feel like “what I'm looking for is this is out of place,” I'm really sorry.
From my point of view, I think marriage is “one of the few special relationships in a lifetime.” Although it is a family, it is a relationship connected by intention rather than blood. Therefore, they face various joys and joys, as well as worries and suffering. The knowledge that “it's okay to stop” shakes me.
What bothers me in the text of your question is the phrase “My heart's tolerance is narrow.” Marriage is full of dealing with one's own “tolerance.” In other words, “your flexibility will be tested.”
When you hear, you may feel “Wow, that seems difficult,” but “but aren't they each other?” I think whether or not the relationship will continue will be determined by whether or not you think so. The story “When I got married, I was this kind of person” is heard by men and women of all ages. At the beginning of marriage, people's feelings always change, even if they are lovey-dovey. No, that's true, I'm talking about 30 or 40 year increments.
The “people who stirred up good relationships” you see have always gone through this path and continue to make choices (in other words, they are not determined by birth).
So that's it. Any person says, “There will be days when we bump into each other with this person. But with this person, I think it's a good idea to go out with the determination that “but I want to do something about it.”
I hope you enjoy the sunny days a lot. However, rainy days will surely come. “Oh, is my flexibility still OK? Is there no choice but to get it broken over there?” I don't think it's better than doing it at that time.
Anyway, in your case, “What do I want?” I think the first step is to clarify. “Anyway, I don't want to die alone”, “I want to get married at least once,” or “I don't want to be swayed by others”... The only thing you can do is find your own destination.

I read it.
I read your thoughts. I read that you feel so lonely and sad because you don't have a relationship with someone you thought you liked. I don't know the details about you, but I really understand your painful feelings.
If you think that you're going to live alone from now on, you won't be able to do it. I feel like I can really understand how you feel.
If you feel that way, why don't you try looking for various places to meet little by little? I think it's okay for you to participate in various community activities, volunteer activities, and club activities to the extent that you don't feel burdened. Also, recently, various events have been held at shrines and temples. Various activities are held, such as zazen, shakai, puja, and yoga classes. Among them, I think that participating in something you are interested in will bring about encounters with various people.
Also, recently, marriage hunting events such as “temple and shrine parties” have also been held.
https://jisyacon.com/
Even at such meeting places, you can meet and interact with various people.
Also, by praying at a shrine or temple, you'll be able to completely change your mind.
You will continue to meet all kinds of people. It's a great life, so please interact with all kinds of people.
I sincerely pray that you will be blessed with various wonderful encounters in the future, interact with many people, deepen relationships with everyone, and live a healthy life every day.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

1. The strangeness of relationships
It is explained that encounters and marriages with people are not determined only by effort or attraction, but by the function of “relationships (relationships).” The experience that someone you thought was “nice” up until now has already had a partner does not negate your value. It simply means that it wasn't a relationship that should have been formed. In Buddhism, it's called “good fortune,” and they explain that everything only comes true when the conditions are met. If conditions are not met, it will not bear fruit. It's not your lack of effort or homework; it's because of the effects of relationships.

2. envy and suffering
The thought “why was that person able to get along with me...” is a natural emotion as a human being. However, when that sense of comparison intensifies, it distances one's own happiness. In Buddhism, we value the heart of “joy (joy).” This is “a heart that rejoices in the happiness of others.” The more you can honestly rejoice in the happiness of others, the lighter your heart becomes, and the easier it is to invite good relationships. Changing the flame of envy to a “light of joy” is the first step in freeing you from suffering.

3. How to deal with homework
If you accept your circumstances as “homework,” you may feel like your future is closed. However, karma (work) in Buddhism is not a “rule that cannot be changed,” but “the accumulation of mind, words, and actions.” Depending on how you live in the future, you can open up as many new paths as you want. Your mother paved the way for learning, and the steps you have built up in the financial world are already a great merit. That merit will surely illuminate the future.

4. The way forward
Cherish the relationships you have now
Be honest in your relationships with colleagues at work, friends, and people you meet on a daily basis. It invites future relationships.

Prayer and practice
Try putting your hands together every morning, at least a little bit, saying, “Thank you for being able to stay alive today.” Prayer of thanks opens the heart and helps to form new relationships.

Don't close the future
The 40s are still at the turning point. There is no need to decide “I'm going to live alone,” and there's no need to be bound by “I must get married.” You can choose either path.

I think you're not a “person who wasn't blessed with relationships,” but “someone who will nurture relationships you will meet in the future.” Please don't blame yourself and I hope you keep your heart bright.

Gassho