Should I live a steady life alone?

It's often misunderstood, but looking at one's own heart during meditation
“To calm the mind”
and so,
“There is something about looking at yourself”
That's not it.

When it comes to getting involved with people, there is no such thing as “something you can gain by looking at yourself”
I can definitely say this

Please observe someone who is looking closely at you
I'm so lonely that I can say it's always

So what do we do
It's about “asking people”

What kind of person am I
My good and bad points
How can I grow to become a good person

It's about asking people close to you
This is because the person you are about to meet sees you
from “You Who You Stared At”
This is because “You Seen and Felt by Others” is incomparably closer

“What you think is bad about you”
No one is watching,
“What your friends think is bad about you”
Everyone has been concerned since the first time we met

Then, in places you can't imagine yourself, you're suddenly liked or disliked by others

Let's self-disclose
The movie I watched was “Do I Really Like It?” Before asking, please say, “You saw a movie the other day, didn't you?”
Without saying “it's unlikely that people will understand,”
Let's say, “If you disclose everything, about one will fit, right?”
If one fits, you can become friends

Thank you Mame for your consultation.

I think there are many ways to “look into the heart.”
It's a good idea to try out various methods that work well for you.
What I offer is
“Facing one's own worries and suffering firmly”
and
“Acting to ease that worry and suffering”
That's it.
In other words, it's “awareness” and “action.”

Facing worries and suffering is not about avoiding them; you need to be aware that you have the motivation to be happy within yourself, have the courage to face worries and suffering, sympathize with and understand those worries and suffering, and simply stare at your current state without judging right and wrong.
And when it comes to acting, don't blame yourself or belittle yourself, and if you have someone by your side who encourages you like a cheering group, what kind of constructive advice would that person give you and show kindness and compassion? I think it's about imagining, calming one's mind, and finding what kind of words and actions are good.
It may be just one method, but being aware of your own thoughts and acting with compassion for yourself will be a plus for you in the future.
I think so.
Please refer to it.
Please don't hesitate to ask questions when compassion is difficult.
I'll give you solid advice. One bow.

I wonder if I don't need to decide now.
I'm sure they're both having fun, and they're both happy.

No matter what kind of person you are with, you can get tired when you're with them. If you listen to the other person's story or see their behavior, they will respond in some way. That's a stimulus, and I feel fun ~ happy ~ when we're together. But at the same time, I get tired because I can't just be careful, adjust to my opponent, and just go at my own pace. Whether it's a family, a lover, or a married couple, it's more comfortable to have your own room.
Of course, you won't go out with someone you don't fit in with from the beginning, but it's tough being with someone you like the whole time.

I'm tired of traveling, even with close friends and family. I like traveling alone, and if it's something I'm interested in, I do it alone. But I have friends, and I also have many friends to learn and do activities with. We've been in a relationship for a long time, and they are people I can respect.
It seems like they have a lot of friends, but surprisingly, I like alone time, and there are many elderly people among my study buddies.

Nor is it something that friends want to find. Before I knew it, the circle of people involved had expanded.

The place of learning will attract people who share the same interests as you. If you are active, you will also meet people who are at the right time and convenience. It's also good to exchange greetings and deepen exchanges.

Rather than searching for a “friend” in everything, why don't you make close connections in each place? Expand your circle with your actions, such as friends you can easily invite, friends you can share your learning with, etc.

The question “is one person happy or is being with others happy” during consultations is a theme that everyone has at least once. In particular, while feeling tired from being involved with people, the trembling heart that actually wants to connect with people is a natural conflict that is very human-like.

The happiness of being alone
In Buddhism, there is a saying “Dazhou Daehyung Peak.” It indicates a state where you are satisfied by simply sitting with yourself without being compared to anyone else. Solitude is not lacking; rather, it is also a valuable place to polish one's own mind.
Time spent alone is “time to nourish your mind,” and it is also an important time of training where you look deeply at yourself.

Happiness with others
On the other hand, at the root of Buddhism, there is a way of thinking called “luck (luck).” We are always connected to others and the environment, and we live in mutual support. The moment you laugh with someone or support each other is truly happiness created by the work of a “relationship.”

Therefore, it is not a choice between “being happy alone” or “being happy with people,” and it is fine for both to coexist within you. There are times when we spend time quietly alone, and there are also times when we learn and improve with others. That is the natural flow.

Don't wait for a relationship, “nurture” it
During the consultation, you were looking for a “relationship where we can raise our hearts.” In Buddhism, they are called “good friends (zenyu).” Good friends do not wait; they are nurtured little by little by one's attitude of honesty and learning.

Even if you don't meet them right now, the way you continue to refine yourself will naturally attract friends who walk the same path. Therefore, it is good not to value the intuition that makes you feel “this is not the time to force yourself to move.”

What does it mean to look at yourself
“Looking at yourself” doesn't mean blaming yourself.
Focus on meditation and daily breathing, and simply acknowledge “how am I feeling at this moment.” This is self-observation (self-observation), and it is the practice of “watching (kan)” in Buddhism.
Writing a diary or writing down even one thing you are thankful for is also a great act of “looking at yourself.”

Your wish is “I want to meet someone I can really understand.” That wish is a precious prayer, and the Buddha always accepts it.
Please don't be impatient, don't be afraid of loneliness, and walk step by step while deepening your relationship with yourself. Along the way, I'm sure you'll meet someone you can call a “good friend.”

Gassho

I read your worries.

The comfort of being alone and the warmth of being with others.
It fluctuated during that time, and while seeking a relationship where they could understand each other from the bottom of their heart, the feeling that they would get tired of socializing was painfully conveyed.

I felt that the core of the consultation was a desperate desire to “meet friends who can share my thoughts and enhance my way of life.”

First of all, the question is “should I live steadily alone?” The attitude of working steadily and sincerely on everything is not a temporary thing for meeting someone, but it is a precious way of life that I want to cherish for the rest of my life.
Time spent looking at yourself and refining yourself will be the foundation of your life.

However, it is also true that this effort does not necessarily lead to a good relationship.
This is because there are no people in this world who are in perfect agreement with me.

Each of us has lived in a completely different environment and lived through different experiences.
It is natural, so to speak, that they have different ways of thinking and values.

That's why you need to meet lots of people.
Just waiting won't bring that precious relationship.
It is important to visit from here.

Having said that, I also understand the feeling of not being able to take the first step because they are afraid of getting hurt by saying “what should I do if we don't get along.”

So what I would like to suggest is “decide on a schedule and move on.”

For example, they decide to “go to a place where I have the opportunity to talk to someone once a month.”
It may be a hobby club, or it may be a study session that interests you.
If you search on the internet, you can now find various gatherings.

The important thing is not to be too afraid of failure.
“It didn't suit me this time.” That's fine.

Just knowing that there are so many different people is a huge learning experience.
Among them, if there is a moment when you suddenly feel “I don't feel comfortable with this person,” that is an irreplaceable treasure.

Don't be impatient, take small steps while taking care of your own heart.

I sincerely hope that you will have wonderful encounters that will enrich your life one step ahead.

Gassho