I'm in love that won't come true

I'm a 20 year old female college student. I have a crush on the instructor in charge when I went to driving school.
My teacher is 24 years older than me, married, and has children. He was a very kind, funny person, and a pleasant person to be with. I've been seeing each other about once a month since I graduated. I offered a drink every time I went to see him, and once I gave a thank-you letter to the teacher. However, maybe I'm thinking too much, but sometimes I feel that the teacher's attitude is a little cold, and there are times when the teacher goes back to the instructor's office and goes to the next lesson without saying anything even though I was waiting to see him come back to me, and I was worried that it would be difficult for me to go see him soon. I contacted my teacher beforehand and went to meet him, but I am very aware that even though it is time off, the teacher also takes time while working a lot. I really appreciate it. However, even just one word such as “I'm busy, so I can only talk for 0 minutes today” or “see you later,” makes me want them to call out.
And above all, I also know that it is really annoying for married men to be liked by women who are usually much younger. I don't know if my teacher is aware of my feelings, but I really love my teacher. I also understand that I have stupid feelings, and since I'm in love that doesn't come true, I also want to stop liking my teacher. However, the reality is not that easy, and my love continues to grow. When I can't meet, I spend my life thinking about my teacher every day thinking about doing my best with the teacher as food no matter what I do. There is the term “driving school magic,” and even though it's been many months since I graduated, I really love my teacher, so I think this is a complete love. It's definitely not just a false love you've been longing for.
Not being able to discuss these concerns with friends is also one of the pains. A love you can't tell anyone. A love that would be denied if you think about it in general. I also understand that I feel like I'm being looked down upon. I don't want to like my teacher anymore. But now my head is so full of thoughts about my teacher that I don't know what to live for in my life that I no longer like. I would like you to tell me how I can calm this feeling and spend my time without suffering.

4 Zen Responses

The practice of cultivating “feelings” and letting go of “obsessions”

Your feelings are by no means light.
Just reading it conveys that seriousness and sadness, and the sincerity of “I don't want to trouble the other person.”
It is one of the most precious hearts in loving others
It is the sprout of “kindness (ji).”

1. “Love” and “obsession” are on the same page
The Shingon sect explains that most mental suffering comes from “obsession.”
The reason your heart hurts is not because your love is dirty, but because you are torn between “reality you can't get” and “yourself you can't stop your feelings.”
However, the flame of love cannot be extinguished.
However, you can change the direction of burning.
From the “obsession” of wanting to get a partner,
To the “compassion” of thinking, appreciating, and praying for the other person.
It frees your mind.

2. Change “I want to meet you” to “I want to pray”
It's natural to be disturbed by not being able to meet or feeling a cold attitude.
However, it is at that moment that you should take a quiet, deep breath and try chanting it in your heart.

“I sincerely pray for your happiness”

This prayer frees your partner and saves yourself at the same time.
When the pain of love changes to “prayer,” love transcends obsession and grows into true mercy.

3. Your love is “ascetic practice”
It's not that there's no point in this love not coming true.
In Buddhism, “good luck”
Every encounter happens due to cause and relationship, and it is also natural for them to eventually drift apart.
Encounters with teachers are also relationships to awaken the “power to love” within you.
In the future, it will become a “mental vessel” for you to deeply understand and support someone.

4. Ahead of suffering, there is a quiet light

You don't have to try to stop being in love.
However, try making an effort to “turn love into prayer rather than suffering.”
At night, when your heart is rustling, put your hands together quietly,
Let's say, “May this feeling nurture me.”
Those words will prepare your mind little by little,
Eventually, the love for the teacher returns to “your own kindness.”

At the end
Love is not about binding the other person; it is a path of refining one's own heart while wishing for the other person's happiness.
Your love is never a mistake.
This is the “practice of nurturing the mind” that the Buddha gave you.

Gassho

There is also a way of life where you can walk by supporting your memories and turning them into strength to live.

He must be a wonderful person. I think the fact that students (you) visit me with admiration even after graduation is nothing short of being a mentor.

I'm happy that I was able to meet someone I fall in love with, even if there is an age difference of about the size of a parent and child. They will guide you until you get your driver's license, and the exchanges you have had with your teacher every time you drive even after getting it will protect your safety and turn your driving into a fun time. Having spent an irreplaceable time together will be an experience of a lifetime.

However, the relationship between teachers is between mentors and students, and it seems that teachers also value that relationship. In short, the line has been drawn properly. Also, going to see a driving school is working time for other staff, including teachers. Even if it's a break, you'll want to spend time preparing for work and resting. If that happens, even if they visit you with an offer, it's polite to keep it to a greeting and pull it up quickly, and it's a matter of consideration for the other person.

The word “like” is all over the place, and the teacher may also be confused. For you, it's not a false love you've been longing for, it's a serious love, but a one-way street is sad...
May your relationship with your teacher be an important memory. Don't understand your teacher's position (married person), and keep your love within you carefully.

Love that doesn't come true is painful, isn't it? It makes me think it would be nice if time stopped.
Encounters with wonderful people will also support you in your future life. The time spent, the words exchanged, and the kindness directed are precious memories, and they will never disappear. There is also a way of life to walk by supporting memories and turning them into strength to live. I have lived my life supported by many experiences and memories (love, of course).

Let's keep our distance little by little while sorting out our feelings for the teacher. Also, why don't you build your personal environment and relationships with care? There, too, you will surely be able to find your precious places.

Please think carefully

I read it.
I read your feelings for that teacher. I don't know about you or your teacher, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
It's so great that you fall in love with that person. I am also very thankful that you met that person and received all kinds of gentle guidance.
And it's great that you really appreciate that person. I also know very well that you will fall in love with that person.
First, please rejoice that you have been blessed with such a wonderful relationship and that such a wonderful thing has happened in your life, and make it your asset.
And let's know that this person lives and works hard for their loved ones, and that they are kind and gentle in their guidance for you and many others.
That person's life is also irreplaceable and important, and please be aware that there are people who are really important to that person.
Please think carefully about what you think at such times, how it is good to think, and how you should act.
You will continue to be blessed with wonderful encounters and relationships, and you will grow by gaining various experiences as a person.
Please continue to be close friends with wonderful people and live every day to the fullest.
I sincerely pray that you will be blessed with many wonderful people and that you will sincerely respect, respect and care for each other, and grow healthily. And I sincerely pray that you will deepen your relationships with your truly loved ones and live a happy life. We wholeheartedly agree

It's a love that shouldn't come true.

To be able to give up
Why don't you take the plunge and confess?

Because he's that kind of teacher
It will shake it well.

If it comes out even if it's OK
“I can't believe they're having an affair!” Is
Let's lament the lack of sight to see our own man.

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