I lost my child. please help me.

I can hardly comprehend your sorrow.
As someone who has a son, I don't know if I can say the same thing to myself when I'm in your position, but even so, I'm going to write about what I'm telling myself now.

“Death is normal”

It's something that exists
It's not something that isn't there
All living things are walking towards death, and walking towards death is called “living.”

People live while being mentally cut off every day in society, just like losing blood if they get injured
Just as people lose their lives due to different injuries, how strong they are mentally is also different, and this is unique to that person
The words you said may be harsh, but society should be harsher
If I had to say it, there is no place in this world where people who are hurt by the words “to that extent” can live peacefully

Even humans have no choice but to become stronger in order to live
There's no difference between an animal's young being weak and not being able to live,
Unlike wild animals, we have created a society so that they can live even if they are slightly weak, but even so, not all children can live

Our eyes only go to disabilities that are easy to understand, such as not having arms or being blind, but as a matter of course, omissions can also occur in the mind and brain
I can't do that, I can't do this
unimaginable, unattainable

If you can't adapt to human society, you die
and it's very normal and commonplace

First, let's stop “treating” your child's life (although it's difficult) and go
None of us, you, or anyone else is a “special life,” it's just an ordinary normal life
It's easy, for example, after 100 years, we all die

Not being able to meet anymore, losing a family
This is going to be very sad

However, please let the fact that it is normal for lives to pass away seep into your heart at the same time

It's sad... very painful.
I struggled alone, let them drive me alone, made me make up my mind alone, and let them pass away alone.
Even though they're parents, they've been around for a long time, and even though they think they've lived together, aren't they really sorry and blaming themselves?

Why was it good to give it to them? Even if you're a parent or love them, there are things you don't understand.
All I can say is that I wanted them to be alive. The fact that you don't have children anymore is probably because it's so painful and painful that you can't even breathe, every day is unbearably sad, and you have no regrets.

It's like being torn apart, and you're probably feeling like you have nowhere to go about how to live your future life, where you can't forgive your living self.

When I think about my children, I wonder if they lived to the fullest while struggling. Even though it seemed like I was living freely, I was properly recognized and accepted by those around me, and did they like me? Was my life decision really the choice my child wanted? What did you think of your parents at the end of the day?

Even though no one was bad, maybe it was a way of life that everyone felt responsible for themselves and chose to live?
I can't even match the answers anymore. How painful it is not to be here.

Are you happy right now? I want the Buddha to save me.
he's an important kid, isn't he?

There are also individual consultations on Hasunoha, so why don't we talk slowly? Why don't you face your own feelings and your child's feelings together, even for 30 minutes at a time?

Grief care will become an important process in order to live in the future.
I'm thinking about you, and I'm thinking about your kids.

Gassho

I would like to express my condolences to your child.
Let's go together. Namu Amida Buddha.
May your child be at peace. I think the Buddha and his ancestors are leading their children and praising them for “doing their best so far.”
So don't worry about your kids anymore.
Your confusion is proof that you loved your child so much.
Please cry now. Please cry so much that my tears wither away.
There's nothing wrong with what you've done. You're not the only one who lost your child. Things I was born with, my environment, events at home and school, and many other things overlapped, and the results were sad. So please don't blame yourself.
It takes over 10 years to sort out your feelings. If you can't sort it out right now, even if it doesn't make sense, that's a matter of course. That's because they were such an important presence.
Please offer something that your child loved.

Chaimama-sama

Right now, in the midst of sorrow, I think all kinds of emotions such as confusion, denial, anger, and regret spring up and are intertwined.
In the midst of sorrow, you will face your child again (even if you can't see them), gradually be able to sort out your feelings, and you will always be able to control your emotions.
First, as I complained in this Hasunoha, when you want to express your feelings, start by having a counselor, therapist, or monk who can do grief care listen attentively. It's important to say, “Please help me.”
You may feel like something more important than your own life has been taken.
You may not be in a state where you can raise your voice right away.
But there's no doubt that having someone you trust listen to it will help you. If they don't listen well, you can rely on someone else. You can keep your face hidden online and increase your opportunities to express your feelings. I'm sure the light will gradually start to shine.

PS: Thank you for your kind words of thanks. It seems like they received a lot of comments, not just me, and I'm worried that it will be rather confusing. Please take it in your own way so you don't overdo it. If you still find it difficult to put it into words, you can have them type it in as appropriate in an email, or you can express your feelings online. You can rely on it. Also, there is a grief post on the official line of my temple where I can tell the person I want to tell the person I want to tell. If you feel like it, please use it to sort out your feelings. Your voice will definitely be heard. Gassho ceremony