Let go of obsessions

　Nice to meet you. Thank you for your hard work. First of all, I feel that it is precious that you were able to look back on yourself about your painful experiences. and. How about rethinking the relationship between dependency and obsession first?
Dependence means “I am made up because I have a relationship with something. For example, I am a child because my parents are there. It's like “I can keep myself from catching a cold because I have clothes.” Obsession, on the other hand, is “everything changes, yet I want to keep it.”
So, we boys are dependent on Buddhism and the Buddha, and we say “let's get away from obsession.”
So dependency is normal, and what you are suffering from is probably obsession.
So first, “You can be dependent. “However, let's rely on something as certain as possible” and “let's accept that things change” mean moving away from obsession.
However, surprisingly, you feel that you have a problem with “entrusting your own judgments and feelings to others.” Excessive dependency = entrusting oneself to others, and the desire to maintain that state has become an obsession.
that's why.
First, let's forgive the dependency itself. But how about being aware of the division of roles in “what do you depend on”? Income depends on work, surpassing the wind and rain depends on the house, and confiding in worries depends on family and monks. By being aware of the division of roles, we discover that there are many dependents. Thus, even if one of the dependents changes, overall stability can be maintained relatively. Then, they acknowledge the possibility of dependency on many things and people, and choose a dependency that suits them. It's a relationship and a gateway to each other's worlds.
Now, which part did you depend on your lover? “Everything!” You may be tempted to answer, but at least the person who chose that person must be somewhere. You felt “you can be spoiled by this person.”
For now, we will take care of your “desire to be spoiled.” It doesn't matter how weak your voice is here.
However, it is the Buddha's role, not us, to accept everything. Your judgment of “let's rely on the boy” first is not bad. Please first recognize the facts that you are judging for yourself.
In this way, I think that being dependent on many people is actually a rich life.

I also read my profile. Maybe in the environment I grew up in, I had little experience in how to rely on people around me or build relationships. Therefore, if you don't check, you may become anxious, or you may be imposing your feelings on them by demanding too much from the other person's actions.

Dependence and obsession are also natural responses. Feelings are drawn to what is important and necessary, and I want to have a firm grip on it if I don't want to let go.
However, if you push yourself into trouble because of that, or hurt your partner or the people around you, you will be forced to be alone, and it will be an unfortunate way to love.

Dependence and obsession are also born in relationships where you can be relied upon, relationships where you can be spoiled, and relationships of love, but a good relationship can only be built when you have an equal relationship where you feel that you value the other person and can be trusted.

What was it like for you? Maybe I've just imposed my own feelings on me.

Take care of yourself and accept yourself.
Let's properly praise and acknowledge whatever we are.
Since you can respect yourself, you can also respect others.

By doing so, even if the other person's presence is dependable or supportive, you can have the confidence to just walk together without strengthening your dependency or obsession.

About letting go of obsession
Isn't dependency a movement of mind that comes from realizing that something is lacking in oneself? At that time, I'm not satisfied with who I am now, so I start to rely on others.
If you are satisfied with being alone, unnecessary desires and obsessions will not occur.
“Requests that I want that and that I want to be like this can be fulfilled, and I am satisfied. On the other hand, if you are satisfied with just being here and now, you will have nothing to hope for in the future or in the past. However, it's quite difficult to be satisfied with being here and now.
I often take a bath and say, “Paradise! Paradise!” I say that. If that's the case, just being here right now is “paradise! Paradise!” Let's feel it. Then, you can feel that the sounds, colors, shapes, scenery, etc. just pass by. At that point, the tanha (craving) stopped, and maybe the obsession disappeared.”
Meditation and yoga are effective in stopping obsession.
Try outdoor yoga or meditation on a beautiful morning.
I took a slow, deep breath, and now, this place is “paradise! Paradise!” Let's keep that in mind.
Once your mind is in order, unnecessary obsessions won't occur.

The mind is impermanent, and thoughts and feelings come and disappear moment by moment.
If you compare thoughts and feelings to a movie and consciousness to a screen, the screen looks yellow when the yellow bananas are shown in the movie, but when the movie is over, the screen returns to a white cloth.
When we think about bananas, bananas are at the center of our consciousness, but when we forget about bananas, bananas disappear from our consciousness.
Objects of obsession, afflictions such as greed, anger, laziness, pride, etc. (evil mind that causes trouble), and delusional distractions relating to the past, future, and oneself and others are also mental films, and obsessions, worries, and delusional distractions stop during the time that film is stopped.
Experiment here.
While saying “aiueo” with your mouth, try to consciously memorize “12345,” and try doing it several times in a row with as few gaps as possible.
Probably, my brain was busy at that time, and I completely forgot what I was obsessed with, and “AIUEO” and “12345” occupy my mind.
The film Obsession Object temporarily colors the screen, but it does not stain the screen, which is a white cloth.
Even if clouds temporarily hide the moon, clouds cannot destroy the moon.
In mental time (mind), let's reduce the number and duration of time we think about the object of our obsession, and increase the amount of time the screen returns to just a white cloth.
Also, don't worry, it's as if you're not attached when you've forgotten; you can stop the movie you're obsessed with.
Also, for example, during the time “Namu Amida Buddha” is called (called) “Namu Amida Buddha,” it is possible to intentionally appear in something else, such as Namu Amida Buddha being the main character in the movie of the heart.
In that case, create a feeling (time of mind) that leads to a heart of goodness such as mercy or a sense of security.