I want children, I don't want them

Your problem is anxiety about your environment and life changing, isn't it?

As advice that can be said from the standpoint of balancing child-rearing, housework, and work, it is possible if your husband cooperates and participates, and if you have physical strength.
Your anxiety isn't something you can clear up alone; it's something you work on as a couple. Let's confide in our husband properly.

Men assume that they thought they could do it if they didn't say it.
My husband was like that too. It's probably because I was working as a daycare worker, but there were times when people said, “You can do anything because you're a professional.” “Whose child is he? You're a parent, aren't you? If I did, wouldn't you do anything? So what are you here for? So can you say it's a family? I once said back, “My wife has done everything, even raised my kids, and I eat, sleep... and lick them.” After that, my husband also did his best to raise children.

Although it is a child-centered lifestyle, it includes my life as a mother. You can enjoy fashion with your kids, and do your best if you manage your time for the studies you want to do. Therefore, physical strength is necessary.

In order to stay in shape, pay attention to fashion, and have time for yourself, you need physical strength that you can work on while raising children. If you get cluttered, you'll get tired.
When your hair is shaken up and you can't pay attention to your clothes or makeup, it's when you run out of power. So, in order to relieve your anxiety, if you have physical strength, you can get through it. Therefore, it is important for a husband to participate in raising children.

Your problem is anxiety that everyone thinks about when a woman is alone or feels pressured to become a mother. There are certain things are worries.

If you become pregnant, there are many reassuring things, such as being taught about a community like the city's parents' classroom, making mom friends, and being connected to public health nurses and nursery teachers. Thanks to the community, I made a lot of friends at my wedding, and I'm still on good terms. We've been in a relationship for 20 years. We enjoyed fashion, went to lunch, and it's like we all got through it.
Of course, please rely on Hasunoha too.

My own feelings have changed since I had children.
There was also a part where I felt that I wanted to continue the couple's relationship before marriage, but I feel that I was gradually raised by children as a father.

It was a change of feeling that I couldn't imagine before I had children. My wife also gave top priority to children, and with the couple's new goals, I felt that the relationship of trust and respect had become more certain.

I think something different than what you are imagining right now will happen. Not all of them are convenient for you now, but you can only understand your state of mind after birth at that time.

Having a child and raising a child is the beginning of a new life where a married couple can overcome it while joining forces and having fun. I think that will also lead to great learning.

It's not about which one is good and which one is bad. It's about being given, isn't it?

Your writing oozes deep thought and sincerity.
The desire to “have children” and the desire to “cherish my time now.”
Having both is not at all a contradiction. Rather, it is proof that they are seriously looking at “responsibility for life.”

1. “Anxiety” is an expression of sincerity
Many people tend to think of pregnancy and child-rearing as “something that can be done naturally,”
You are carefully looking at “how I want to live” before that.
In Buddhism, the term “right thinking (shoushi)”
A mind that thinks from both sides of the happiness of oneself and others, rather than right and wrong.
That's exactly the attitude.

Wishes to “be free” and “have time for myself”
It's not selfish, it's just “valuing the voice of one's heart.”
Please don't deny that feeling and accept “this is me too.”

2. Anxiety about becoming a “child-centered lifestyle”
Becoming a mother is not “losing yourself.”
Even if the way you use your time changes, you can always find “time to nurture yourself” in it.
There may also be moments where you can suddenly feel your own growth in your child's sleeping face and smiles.

In Buddhism, there is a teaching called “one is everything (all at once).”
It means that all truth dwells in one event.
Even in the everyday life of childcare, the wisdom and joy of living one's own life always lurk.

3. Anxiety about “do you have the power to support it?”
I feel that way because I'm not taking life lightly.
“Support power” is not something you are born with; it is something you grow up while being involved.
Even if you still have anxiety, if you have that heart that cares about life, you have already begun “preparing to become a parent.”

4. “I can't talk to my husband” that kindness is also love
You can't say your true intentions precisely because your husband wants children.
However, “sharing anxiety” is also a form of love.
By honestly conveying the small voice in your heart, your trust as a married couple rather deepens.

5. Lastly
There is value in both “having children” and “not having children.”
In Buddhism, “seasonal causation (seasonal causation)”
It is explained that things come to fruition at the most suitable time for that person.

Please cherish this time of year as a “time to nurture yourself without being impatient.”
As long as you keep looking carefully at your heart, you will always be able to see a peaceful and convincing answer beyond that.

Gassho

Thank you Momomo for your consultation.

It is said that they are now in their late 20s, and anxiety about pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing began to grow.

Once a child is born, I think it will be a child-centered lifestyle.

However, today's moms are good at making ends meet, and there are probably many expert moms who make time for themselves!

Speaking of my own story, I gave birth at an older age, but I was already raising a furious child, as if I were on a roller coaster. However, once it's past, it will be very nostalgic. As a woman, I was given a valuable experience, including trials in many ways.

It's the age of pregnancy, but even after giving birth for the first time, there are people who give birth at a fairly old age now, and now they may not be that old to hurry to become pregnant.

However, if you want more than 2 people, you might need a plan.

If your husband likes children, it might be a good idea to gently ask them about their wishes for the future family image.

If my husband cooperates with me, childcare will be much easier, and it might be a good idea to discuss that area now.

There were times when I couldn't talk to my husband, but conversely, gathering the courage to express and discuss my current feelings with my husband to the extent that we don't get into a fight may come up with a solution rather than I thought.

Raising children alone is severe. I hope it goes well with the cooperation of my husband and parents.