It will hurt loved ones

I consulted and read it. Your worries, regrets, and feelings for your seniors are conveyed, and it hurts my heart. I think it's a very painful situation to feel the pain of blaming myself for instantaneously rebelling even though I have a feeling that I don't want to be disliked by my precious seniors. However, that suffering was born only because I had a serious desire to be recognized by my seniors. That's not a bad thing at all.

First, let's accept that it's natural to have “sadness of not being acknowledged” or “feelings of being repulsed.” On top of that, try to be aware of “time to calm your mind before uttering words” in order to reduce words that are instantaneously repulsive. For example, if you feel irritated, just taking a deep breath and asking in your mind “is this word really necessary right now” is a step towards change. By taking time before uttering words, the number of choices you won't regret will gradually increase.

Next, when you receive strict guidance, try not only to blame yourself, but to think “this failure is a step for you to grow.” Even if you have failures or immaturity, that doesn't negate who you are. By affirming yourself, who is working hard to grow now, you may be able to positively interpret harsh words from your seniors as “they say it with expectations.”

Additionally, it is important to be aware of the “feeling of gratitude.” Even if it's pointed out in harsh terms, think “I'm saying it for myself” and be aware of what you think “thank you” in your heart. Just having a sense of gratitude should ease your repulsive heart little by little and bring you closer to yourself where you can respond calmly.

It's painful that my senior said “I want to think about a private relationship” this time, but it's also possible to show it with an attitude from now on. In addition to apologizing, time can help repair relationships by refraining from repulsive words, calming down reactions, and showing an attitude of effort through actions. Please do your best sincerely without being impatient.

You've already taken a great step forward by wanting to change your behavior, worrying, and gaining awareness. While cherishing that feeling, try facing yourself little by little and continuing your efforts to repair your relationship. Please don't blame yourself too much and believe in your own growth. Gassho

If you were pointing disgusting or malicious words at them, it would mean that you were hurting your seniors who were diligently mentoring you the whole time.

Irritability is also due to my own immaturity. Sadness and anger were also brought about by the way I perceived it. Senpai's guidance is probably due to their awareness of work and enthusiasm for you.
Also, I think there is a possibility that your attitude (disgusting or malicious language) was reflected in an unserious way. Therefore, it may have led to a vicious cycle of strict guidance.

Your emotional disturbances don't hit your partner, and if you don't resolve them yourself, people will move away if you don't take care of them.

When your emotions are disturbed, get out of the place and take a deep breath. It calms the heated up feeling. You'll regain your composure. And why were they warned? What did they notice? It wasn't that they hated me; they taught me what I was lacking. Let's be aware of that. “Thank you very much. Don't clash your feelings and say, “I'll be careful,” so that you can take it for yourself. As you learn to work, those feelings will be resolved.

I read it.
I read your thoughts on that person. I sincerely accept your feelings.

The fact that you have maliciously said words to that person is still a crime; it deeply hurts that person.

So first, let's sincerely reflect on ourselves, and sincerely apologize to that person. And please keep calm and share your thoughts.

And please swear from the bottom of my heart that you will not commit such malice, insults, or misdeeds in the future.

I don't know how that person will be perceived, but let's sincerely apologize for your own bad way of thinking, words, and attitude and work to improve.

Also, in terms of work, let's work hard and work hard to the extent that you can from now on. If you do that, it will improve your skills, and it will also deepen your relationship of trust with that person.

There will be plenty of such things in the future.

I sincerely pray that you can live a fulfilling day by making an effort to the extent you can earn trust from many people and live a fulfilling life without making bad intentions, bad words, or misdeeds from now on, so that you can live a fulfilling life with compassion for each other, and that you can live a healthy and happy life with all of you.
And I wholeheartedly support you.

Thank you, Chika, for your consultation.

I'm worried about relationships with important seniors at work.
It's difficult to keep a sense of distance at work with people you're on good terms with in private, isn't it?

The indulgence that they will somehow accept each other even if they say it has probably made the relationship between them jittery.

I also feel like it's a bit like a parent-child relationship.

Everyone has the feeling of wanting to be well thought out and appreciated.

However, it is also a reality that humans don't go as depicted in the picture.

It may be important to have them take a proper look at why they can't do it, and properly butt the knee and discuss it with your seniors, not generally, concretely, without leaving it up to your emotions.

There were times when I said disgust to my seniors, but if you have respect at work, they shouldn't be disgusted.

Somewhere, there's a sense of indulgence in private life. Don't forget to respect your seniors.

There is such a thing as anger management.
When my feelings reach anger, I don't open my mouth there, count for 6 seconds, and then utter words.

Take a deep breath and adjust your mind.

And above all else, it's important to have a deep sense of gratitude.

First of all, thank you.
Then, try to say the following words.
At the end of the day, thank you.
Let's say that.

If you put your gratitude into words, the other person will change.
If you put gratitude into words, changes will appear in how you feel.

Give it a try.

He is a loving senior who has unhesitatingly forgiven me over and over again.

I'm sure they'll acknowledge that effort that is about to change.

The main premise for that is that Chika changes.
Please take that first step where you can be grateful.

Please do your best!
I'll cheer for you!