Will you keep getting lost for the rest of your life

I've been using this service for a few years.
The child that was in my wife's stomach at the time of the latest question is now cheerfully crawling under my feet.

Well, now I'm in the position of a father, but my personality doesn't change for better or worse, does it? I still make a lot of mistakes at work. At age 30, it's unbearable to be followed up on my mistakes “because they are necessary for growth.” Also, the dream I had when I was in my 20s is far away, and I don't really feel like making an effort.

While wondering if it would be better to fully commit to work and earn money, I also feel that work isn't everything in life when I spend time with my kids. There are countless moments when my child grows up that I would have missed if I hadn't gone up on time, and my wife tells me that the longer I stay at home, the better.
However, if you don't get results at work, you won't be able to earn money to support your children.

After all, I'm a normal person, and even though I have developed a sense of abandonment that my career advancement, fame, and wealth will probably end up somewhere or less, I have a feeling that I can't give up. If I had worked harder in my 20s, I wonder if my annual income would have been 10 million. When I was in my 20s, the world wasn't just about money, so I was so excited, but when I have children at this age, I want to push myself down and do it.

I'm sorry for bothering you to talk about it.

Well, now that I'm 30 years old, I'm puzzled by the fact that my mind has been wandering all the time, even when I've become a parent. Am I like this until I die? and. I know in my head that if I have time to worry, it's definitely better to enjoy the little fun things right in front of me with all my might, but that's not easy.

I'd like to ask my seniors in my life. Is that what life is? I wonder if everyone has this kind of feeling while protecting their own lives, doing their work, and somehow sustaining their lives without showing their faces.

Also, how do you come to terms with your own inner hesitation, desires, regrets, and feelings of inferiority?

5 Zen Responses

My shaky heart when I became a father is proof not of weakness but of depth

While reading your words, I strongly felt that “this person is facing life properly.”
I became a father at age 30, and while looking at life crawling underfoot, various axes... work, money, dreams, responsibilities, regrets, hopes... begin to move all at once. This tremor always occurs at the entrance to maturity.

First, isn't it okay to feel safe?
It's not because you're no good, it's a natural reaction of adults who have something to protect.

Many people who work with children have the same questions in their hearts as you.
However, I don't show it on my face, and I just live my life indifferently.
Everyone lives “shaking”.

And one more important thing.

There are plenty of lives where people collect things they couldn't do in their 20s in their 30s.
Rather, starting in your 30s is a real restart.

“Will it end up being a normal person?”
Asking such a question is proof that there is still a burning fire left inside of you.

Now that I'm a father,
You can finish dreaming for yourself.
From here on,
“A dream where you grow up while protecting someone's happiness”
It will turn into a deeper and stronger dream.

There is only one way to come to terms with hesitation, regret, and feelings of inferiority.

I'm not trying to get rid of my hesitation.
Just keep accepting it as your current location.

Even though it was shaking, I worked carefully one day today,
I watched the growth of one child today,
I'm going to help one wife today.

This accumulation will create overwhelming trust and depth in your back 10 years from now.

You can keep shaking.
That trembling is “proof that your life has begun to move in earnest.”

I'm rooting for you.
Gassho

Thank you for your question.
I don't really feel lost in my heart.
There are many desires, regrets, feelings of inferiority, everything.
But even more than that, the feeling of being “thankful” is greater.
I'm thankful to my parents who gave birth and raised me.
I'm thankful that you supported me even as a parishioner.
I'm grateful to my wife for getting married even though I am like this.
I'm thankful to have a child that even I adore.
I am thankful for my colleagues and teachers who teach me Buddhism even though I am like this.
I'm thankful that I was born and kept alive in this world.
I am grateful to my family and ancestors who are watching over me.
I am thankful for the Buddha who leads this world and the next.

What if I could see precious value while realizing each and every one of the important things

I think it's something that lives while being influenced by various things.

I want to achieve steady growth as a husband, as a father, and as a member of society. I want to be convinced and satisfied. That kind of feeling comes through.
It's an important emotion in the sense of aiming higher, isn't it?

However, I want people to feel happy while also being more aware of the peace of mind and joy they have now.

What is important, what is irreplaceable, is something that changes. Now is the only time to work, live, and spend time with my kids. All of them are important, and I want to enhance them if I get a chance. I think so too.
However, there is also a limit to physical strength that can be used as energy for that.

There's no shortage of things to look for, but it would be nice if you could see precious value in each and every one of the things that are important, so that you don't overdo it for yourself. Rather than regretting what I've lost (something I can't get my hands on), I want to cherish and rejoice in my happiness (treasure).

Please survive your life

I read it.
I read your thoughts.
As you live with your children, there are a lot of things you think about, don't you? I read about the things you have lost and worried about in your life. I feel like I can really understand your feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

Is life like this? When I hear that, yes, it's a series of hesitation, worry, suffering, sadness, abandonment, and regret. There are times when I feel joy, fun, and purpose in life.
Was life really like this? There are so many times when I'm disappointed.

I also feel the blessings of life and relationships I have received every day.

When the end of your life is right around the corner, things and various thoughts you have lived until now will come back to life all at once.
At that time, I think I'll be able to discover again what life is and what it means to live in my own way. I think there are things I really feel as a real feeling.
You'll also painfully understand what things and things are really important to you.

I sincerely pray that you will be blessed with many relationships in the future and that you will be able to survive by sharing your happiness richly from the bottom of your heart, and that you will be able to live through a fulfilling life while feeling lost and worried, and find something important.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree

Where I went I arrived

There were phrases in Kenji Otsuki's lyrics, “Where I went is where I arrived” and “I just have to live until I die.”
Why don't you think it's OK if you don't think too hard and do what you can do now to the extent you can?
That's because it's a life where you can only do what you can do.
Well, if possible, do some research on Buddhism.
I think it will be a guide to life and a source of healing.

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