How to prevent “arrogance” towards the father-in-law
My father began to place value on dying naturally from around the age of 60, distanced himself from medical treatment from around age 70, died with dignity due to terminal cancer of the digestive organs, and was cared for by his family at home before reaching the age of 80. They had conversations with me until a few seconds before the end of their lives, and they went to the bathroom on their own until the end of defecation. Although there is the pain of not being able to eat in situations where it is impossible to swallow, strangely enough, there was no pain at all, and my mother and I think it was good that it was based on my father's own values. There are places where I myself wish for death left to nature as much as possible.
On the other hand, my father-in-law has had irregular births since he was young, has liver disease, diabetes, and Parkinson's disease, and goes to the hospital every day. There are times when I am over 80 years old, and I also take a large amount of internal medicine due to diseases that cannot be cured, and my mother-in-law and I sometimes get rid of them due to failure in excretion. While saying “it's fine (even if you die),” the other day I was stunned when the doctor said, “Are there any good treatments?” Also, recently they have said they want to receive immunotherapy (infusion) at their own expense, which costs hundreds of thousands of dollars once. While saying, “It would be nice if it was even a little easier,” it makes me think “stupid” in simple terms. “Do you know that everyone dies one day?” Words like these spring up from the bottom of my stomach. My father-in-law chose it based on his own values, so even though I think it's natural for him to be different from me and my father, I also have this kind of feeling somewhere. My father-in-law is socially successful and wealthy. However, I don't think I want to be an elderly person like this, and I can't respect my current father-in-law. I'm in the position of a wife, and while I have a feeling that I cherish my father-in-law, who used to comfort me by telling jokes when I was young, as a family member, I have such feelings, and I seem to “preach” without thinking that my mental and physical condition is bad, but although I managed to stop thanks to the Buddha's teachings, I was disgusted by my own foolishness and arrogance on the way home, and I feel disgusted and ashamed.
I hear that Buddha had many disciples, but did they have any good disputes due to different values? Also, how did they calm them down when they seemed to show “arrogance” unexpectedly? Is it possible to get rid of “arrogance” itself? I'd like you to tell me.