It makes me feel bad about myself.

　Good evening. An excited self, and a self that feels bad when you notice it. Both are probably true.
A long time ago, I had a girlfriend and I was taken aback. What really happened to me? That's about it. Maybe some kind of hormone is coming out of nowhere. And it looks like you're puzzled by that right now.
I think “I want to take care of myself” probably means that I want to be honest with “like, like.” However, I thought that maybe in the past, I acted with emotion and was in pain. Or they're packing in too much information about others. You may have had the experience of looking at people who are excited and open with cold eyes.
In a sense, it may be like a second instinct to protect oneself. Driven by excitement, it seemed like everything was OK, I couldn't see my surroundings, and I thought I might miss my way.
so.
For a while, why don't you take both of these as your true intentions and forgive yourself for continuing to be confused? That's because being excited and feeling bad is your emotion. Even if you don't hunt yourself down, like “which one is true.”
Humans live with such complicated thoughts. Sometimes I have to make a decision, but I think it's okay to just enjoy interacting with him now.
Also, emotions are something that always changes. Also, it only changes with the accumulation of actions (even not meeting for a long time is a choice of action).

Incidentally, when I decided to get married, I think it was some kind of hormone bar after all. It's different now, but that doesn't mean I don't like it anymore. I feel more calm and stable.
I can't say that, but I think you don't have to hate that mess.

Nice to meet you. It's called the monk's hearing method.
It's natural and precious to think about someone during the sensitive period of my third year of high school. However, they are confused by this feeling and blame themselves for being “disgusting.”

Buddhism teaches that the mind is like the “flow of a river.” If you put a label of right and wrong on the emotions that spring up one after another and try to stop them, the flow stagnates and suffering occurs. Denying the “floating self” seems to be the cause of suffering.

First, when you fall into self-loathing, think this way in your heart. “Oh, I really care about my partner so much right now,” he said.

The true meaning of “floating” is compassion for the other person. It's not ugly at all, and it's proof that you have a kind heart. You don't have to force yourself to love yourself. However, let's practice looking at it objectively, saying, “My heart is excited right now.” Allowing your feelings as they are without trying to force them to change your mind is the first step in “accepting yourself” in the true sense of the word.

Perhaps you have a serious and careful personality. And over time, I think “floating” is perceived as an “embarrassing thing” or a “bad thing.” However, that emotion is also one of the “self-defense” humans have. Now I'm in my third year of high school, and “isn't it bad to be inclined to love?” The fact that the brakes are applied is also a natural function. This degree varies from person to person, and there are also people who hardly ever brake. This situation is rather dangerous, so please assume that you are being protected.

It doesn't mean you've changed. Affirm yourself and walk towards a brilliant future.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I read it.
I read that you are puzzled by your own feelings and attitudes. I feel like I can really understand your feelings too. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think there are many such emotional fluctuations due to relationships and relationships with people. If you have romantic feelings, you'll probably feel that way even more. That kind of fluctuation of feeling is also my own feeling, so why don't you accept that that kind of thing is also possible.
I think there will probably be so many things you will get involved with in your future life. That's because it's probably very common in establishing relationships of trust with people.
As you gain experience depending on your age, you may get used to it, and I think that no matter how old you are, you will be able to go out with people with a fresh feeling.

Life also has ups and downs in relationships with various people. Please continue to live a truly rich and fulfilling life with many people.

I sincerely pray that you will be blessed with wonderful encounters and relationships in the future, that you will grow healthily while cherishing, respecting, and caring for each other, and that you will be able to survive by sharing rich happiness from the bottom of your heart with your loved ones.
And I wholeheartedly support you.

I think both are natural responses. Right now, I'm having my first experience in my life, so I think my feelings will fluctuate in various ways while confirming the “opposite sex,” “likes,” and “fun” within you.
Also, I wonder if the brakes are being applied between “I want to be like this.” The fact that I feel bad about myself is also (was I this kind of person?) Maybe (me, wait a minute) is making them careful.

Right now, even if acceptance is a high hurdle, I think it's okay to admit it (I also respond like this).

Relationships with any kind of person can cause a variety of reactions. That's because they have a partner, and everyone's first time feeling when they receive it.

Slowly, at your own pace, and measure a sense of distance in a comfortable relationship.