I want to die but it's hard not to die

Nice to meet you. It's called the monk's hearing method.
As a monk, I will calmly accept your cry.

First, the fact that you were told “I want to deal with feelings of self-punishment in order not to die” is a sign of the deep and precious “honesty” that your heart has.

Buddhism explains that we are all “ordinary men (bonbu)” who unknowingly hurt someone and live in agony (bonno). The strong sense of guilt you feel is the opposite of your desire to “be kind”. People who have really bad personalities don't suffer from their own mistakes.

How to deal with feelings of self-punishment

① Separate “sin” from “yourself”
What you want to erase is not your existence, but your past “actions,” aren't you? We can reflect on our actions and revise them, but there is no need to deny life itself.

② The viewpoint of “being kept alive”
Your insight that suicide causes great suffering to those around you is correct. Right now, if it's hard to live for yourself, try surviving today with a spirit of charity (contribution to others) that “don't increase your sorrow around you any more.”

There will always come a time when the pain of “not being able to forgive yourself” will turn into “wisdom (wisdom)” to deeply save someone from now on.

First of all, why don't you get through today with that suffering like a lotus flower blooming from the mud? Even if it takes time, someday there will come a time when you will become a “person who can share happiness with others.” There's no need to dwell on the past. Also, you don't have to blame yourself.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Thank you for your question.
The important thing about past mistakes is not to punish yourself, and not to repeat the same mistakes. It's about making an effort not to repeat it. Thus, even though people fail, they grow little by little. So you don't have to refuse to interact with others. Don't be afraid of future mistakes.
The word “thank you” is useful for conversations with others, work, etc.
Thank you for coming, thank you for talking, thank you for cooking, thank you for the ○○, thank you for your praise, thank you for your attention, etc. Try saying “thank you” for anything as if it were a habit. That alone will give others happiness.

I read it.
You've hurt people and done terrible things until now, haven't you? That foolish and sinful self makes me think it would be better to disappear. I don't know the details of you or what you've done, but I feel that your painful feelings come through very much. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
It's very clear that you're blaming yourself like that. Please put your hands together with the Buddha, God, and your ancestors and honestly convey them as they are; let's firmly confess to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors as you think of the things you have done, hurt people, and made you feel a lot of thoughts one by one. And please sincerely repent each one of them, sincerely repent to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors, and sincerely apologize to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors one by one, and apologize from the bottom of your heart to those you have hurt or caused damage.
Also, please swear to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors that they will have good thoughts, words, and actions so as not to commit such malice, evil words, or misdeeds in the future.
The Buddha, God, and your ancestors will kindly accept all of your thoughts, be close to you, and save you.
You are a very important person, and the Buddha, gods, and ancestors always watch over you kindly. Please take care of yourself.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can take good thoughts, words, and actions without committing such malice, words, and actions, and grow healthily by taking care of those around you, and that you can help each other be compassionate and live a fulfilling everyday life. And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.

In the previous question, it was written that I have a developmental disability. You've suffered too, haven't you?

It is said that you have hurt your opponent's heart unscathed, but I don't think you wanted such a thing and acted.
Isn't it difficult to control your own actions, and you're not good at capturing the other person's feelings? As a result, you've probably lost friends or been hurt by reactions from those around you.

Relationships and relationships with people around you are difficult, aren't they? Even when conveying, there are a lot of things that are confusing because attitudes contrary to intentions come up, and words also contain deep meanings.
That's why you've lived your life so as not to get involved with others...

I was lonely, wasn't it? It's sad.
I didn't mean to do that... I would blame myself if I couldn't do the same thing as everyone else. It's better not to be this kind of self. When I think about you thinking about dying, I wonder how hard it has been to suffer from loneliness.

They're connected.
There are people in this world who can understand you and people who are on your side.
Don't give up on living.

Why don't we think about what parts are difficult and how we can overcome them together? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and they also make mistakes. However, if it is a society where you can forgive each other, the world you live in will change to peace of mind.
The world that Buddha wishes for is a world of peace of mind where no one is excluded.

Please don't blame yourself and rely on us to spoil yourself.
What happened? What kind of things are difficult? Why don't we think about it together?