How to celebrate a friend's enrollment

The other day, a female friend of mine was naturalized at work.
I decided to give a naturalization celebration, and I prepared both a joint name with my partner and a joint name with my sister.
When I told my partner about this, I was furious and told from multiple places that it was absolutely useless to give a joint name gift with my partner because it was a violation of manners, and I was furious and told that I would quit giving gifts under the joint name with my partner.
I really regret that I ended up ruining my gift plans with my partner as a result due to my own ignorance.
On the other hand, I'm not satisfied with being directly denied using manners as a shield against acts carried out from the desire to celebrate as much as possible with the utmost sincerity to the person I'm indebted to.

So I would like to ask the following two questions.
・Is it a violation of manners to send a naturalization celebration multiple times with different people under a joint name in the first place? If that's the case, what's wrong with that?
・How can you come to terms with someone who has good manners to refute acts of good intentions with the utmost sincerity?

I would like to hear some opinions that would help me sort out my feelings.

4 Zen Responses

Try to have forgiveness to accept your opponent's stubbornness.

Nice to meet you. It's called the monk's hearing method.
I read it. I understand that the overlapping feelings of congratulations for friends and the feeling that “good intentions” were denied were extremely painful and unmanageable.

In conclusion, “giving multiple congratulations from different groups” itself is by no means a violation of manners. This is because the relationships between “you (and your partner)” as peers at work and “you (and your sister)” as a family are different. Rather, it is inherently gratifying that feelings for the other person overlap.

However, there is a teaching in Buddhism that “orthodoxy sometimes cuts teeth.”

① Let go of the obsession with “correctness”
Your partner may be trapped by a strong obsession that “you must keep proper manners.” There is also a possibility that it was a kind of expression of affection for the other party, saying “I don't want to embarrass them.” However, using good intentions as a tool for argument is a bit lonely.

② How to come to terms
If they fight on the playing field of “how about good manners,” they will only hurt each other. There's no need to blame “my ignorance” right now. Rather, try to have the tolerance to accept your partner's stubbornness as a “obsession,” saying “they took the entrance celebration so seriously.”

This time, if a joint name with your partner doesn't come true, putting your heart into the “joint name with your sister” without forcing yourself through may be wisdom that won't make waves.
The pure feeling of “wanting to celebrate,” which underlies your good intentions, is not damaged in any way. Please take good care of that warm heart.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

“Eh!? I had that kind of manners! I didn't know that. Thanks for letting me know. Well then, I'll send each person their own congratulations.” I think that's fine.
Manners are created by the manners instructor without permission, so don't worry about it, but if your partner has manners they want to keep, I think it's good if they respect them.

I think the act of being furious at someone else's violation of manners is far more of a violation of manners...

I think there are opportunities to give money and goods of congratulations and condolences under a joint name at various places of congratulations and condolences. I myself sometimes give or receive under a joint name.

When I looked it up, it seems that using a joint name for a wedding gift (“naturalization gift” in the question) means that when doing a family celebration (celebration thank you), it is necessary to prepare a joint name for one celebration, and this is a burden on the other party (bride and groom side), so it is better to avoid joint names in the sense of consideration for the other party. Also, if you have multiple joint names, if you think about it mechanically, you'll end up preparing a family celebration for that number. I think my partner was concerned about that area.

As for how to come to terms, I thought it would be a good idea to discuss “how to prevent it from being a violation of manners.” I thought it would be a good idea to find a place to drop it, such as “I'm going to celebrate with different names” or “I said it was a joint name for two, but you don't have to worry about family celebrations, and then give it to them.”

It's not one-sided manners, and I want to give it after making a firm confirmation and being satisfied

There was such a thing, wasn't it? I wish I didn't have to be furious, even though it was because of a sense of celebration.

It's a naturalization celebration, so there's no problem even if it's a joint name as a feeling from the two of them. I think it depends on the item, but by giving a gift together, you can give a present that comes true without burden. I have also given birth gifts, housewarming gifts, etc. under the joint name of my husband and wife.

Does your partner want to celebrate individually, do you want to refrain because you're your friend, or do you care about your friend...
As for joint names, I think it depends on various circumstances. It also depends on the depth of the relationship and the amount of money in the case of multiple people. So, it's not your partner's one-sided manners, and you want to make a gift after confirming it clearly and being satisfied. Even though it's a great celebration, it's kind of confusing.

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