mothers

　If I had a mother, what would I do... These are exactly the words of people who are facing their mother and themselves raising children.
I also sent my father a while ago, and after all, I also have memories of “even if I think back now, that was bad.”
My way of dealing with it is by thinking about “what did my father cherish,” and the keyword “what would I do if I saw who I am now...” still comes up from time to time.
“Treat your own child as treated by your own parents” is a story often said, and that's because you see the “standard form of a mother” in your own mother. So I think it's a little different to say that if you don't have any regrets, you'll be able to raise your own children well. I can discipline myself because my regrets remain.
“Yelling often” is an expression of frustration about “not going the way I want”, right? There is a possibility that this can be improved by changing the way it is communicated.
First, take a close look at your opponent. What are you doing, and do you have an ear to listen? Are you looking at both your own convenience and your child's convenience? When I yell, another problem arises: “Oh, I have to calm my mom down for now.” I'm going to face a different problem with what my mom wants. It takes a detour to solving children's problems.
Then, if you notice that they don't have an ear to listen, the first thing to do is have an ear for you to listen. That's because your behavior becomes the standard form for children.
finally.
It is said that “I couldn't do anything for them,” but in a sense, you succeeded your mother and became a mother. Even though they are struggling, they are probably doing their best every day. I think that would make you happier than anything else. “Seeing me, this child chose to be a mother. I think “they chose the path of becoming parents” is a sign of total affirmation of the mother.

Nice to meet you. It's called the monk's hearing method.
You lost your precious mother, and in the midst of regret and loneliness, you are working hard to raise children. I will be close to your heart from a Buddhist point of view.

① Regret is the opposite of “love”
The pain of “not being able to do anything for you” is proof that you care so much for your mother. In Buddhism, we believe that those who have died become “Buddhas,” and they become beings who wish to get rid of our suffering. The last time your mother said “I was sad” was not to blame you, but probably because she wanted to communicate with you as a single person. After accepting the apology, your mother must be saddest to see you continue to blame yourself now.

② To break the chain of childcare
The reason you “can't be kind” is because you yourself are currently in the state of a child crying for the “mother” of your heart. Your relationship with your mother may overshadow childcare, but there's no need to be impatient to erase your regrets. First, please comfort yourself by saying, “I'm lonely right now.” Forgiving and healing yourself is the first step in softening your gaze towards your child.

③ A walk with my mother
Your mother isn't far away; she lives in your life. Look for images of the mother in the child's sleeping face. The way you struggle to love your child is the very form of love your mother poured out on you.

Why don't you walk around today with that loneliness, saying, “Mom, I want to meet you.” Let's put our hands together at a Buddhist altar or in front of a tomb and express our gratitude. Your mother has become a Buddha and is watching over you softly.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I also read the previous question. Even when your mother passed away, you were in a difficult situation, and just because your mother's presence supported you, how painful was the reality of not being able to meet again.

While raising children in such circumstances, I also live every day as a mother. While the children depend on me, I also want to rely on them; if my mother is alive, I want to talk to my mother, spoil her, and touch her kindness.
Your feelings for your mother only increase even after she passes away, don't you think?

Day by day, I feel the magnitude of my mother's existence and the blessings of being raised, and tears overflow with the feeling that I miss you and want to meet her.

I hold a bereaved family meeting in Kansai, and no matter how old they are, participants talk about their feelings of love, gratitude, and remorse for their parents. They have a long-standing parent-child relationship, and since they have been by their side as a matter of course since birth, I think they will feel sad and uneasy about how I should live when I pass away.

From now on, let's keep asking questions to our mother and cherish them. They've always been parents and children. They will always support you as you walk next to them.

Parents and children grow up being influenced a lot without knowing it. Therefore, like a mother, you are raising children properly, and you are an important mother (you) for your child.

Please always talk about your feelings in Hasunoha. We are close to you, too.

　My mother passed away, so I should have done that for her. There are probably various feelings of regret that they should have done it this way. This is because you have a deep love for your mother, and it is also because you were loved and raised by your mother.
You might think there's nothing you can do after you pass away, but there are a few ways to meet your mother. Aren't those two hands your mother hugged and gently touched? Rub your hands together, and when they're warm, gently place them on your cheeks.
You'll feel your mother's warmth. Also, please touch your child with both hands. The kindness you inherited from your mother will reach your child.
In this way, you will heal yourself by touching your mother.
Also, the appearance of the child conveying the mother's kindness will heal you and your child. When you feel that, you can feel that you've met your mother. Take a slow, deep breath and feel the happiness of this moment.