I want to die

is it debt...
That would get bogged down, wouldn't it? It's so hard that you want to throw everything out.

Why don't you talk to “Law Terrace” about debts? You can consult up to 3 times for free.
Also, talk to the “Regional Comprehensive Support Center” or “Social Welfare Council” where you live about your parents' mental, physical, and living conditions. You can ask all kinds of questions about welfare, right?

That's because there are experts in the world. Let's stay connected and rely on them. I'm sure it will be fine.

I understand that this is a very difficult situation.
If your income is less than the minimum living expenses, you may be able to receive welfare.
If you receive welfare, medical expenses will also be free.
First, please talk to the government office.
Also, let's discuss how much fees are paid to lawyers in the event of self-bankruptcy, whether installment payments are possible, etc., on law terraces, etc.
Now, in Buddhism, they say “everything is suffering,” and I don't think suffering or dissatisfaction goes away from living things.
However, it's just that the shape of suffering changes moment by moment, and coping with suffering (homework) just changes moment by moment.
For example, if the pain of wanting to go to the bathroom occurs, you must go to the bathroom.
When the pain of wanting to exhale occurs, exhale; when the pain of wanting to inhale occurs, inhale.
However, on the other hand, debt has nothing to do with dealing with breathing out (homework).
I can breathe out with or without debt.
Just like that, try to be aware of the time in your daily life where you can deal with it regardless of debt.
Debts are only in brain data such as the past and future, and they have nothing to do with the suffering (homework) of the present and here, in other words, they are freed from debt when it comes to how to spend time (lifespan) right in front of the present and here.
Try to be aware of that feeling.
Even if they have hundreds of millions of yen in their passbook, people who are bad at living suffer from delusional distractions (brain data) about the past, future, themselves, and others.
Conversely, people who are good at living even if they have debts (people who know all about suffering) can live the “here and now” where they are free from debt.
People who are good at living can enjoy taking a walk mixed with humming, even on the way to talk to the government office about their poverty.
Even when it's time to write an application form for a government office, you can simply enjoy the movement of writing beautiful characters as if you were enjoying calligraphy as a hobby.

In the midst of death's suffering, you raised your voice very well. That heavy pressure, which feels like a blockage in all directions, is too much to fathom. Your feelings for your children and parents keep you connected to this world, don't you think? First, I would like to express my deep respect for that precious “relationship.”

The decision to consolidate debts is a big step in trying to change the current situation. However, you don't have to carry everything alone, from caring for your parents to your physical condition. In Buddhism, there is a teaching called “to have and to have.” We are never able to live alone, and we live by supporting each other.

As a monk, I highly recommend it. Please don't hesitate to go to the welfare section or regional comprehensive support center at the government office and rely on “social welfare” such as welfare and nursing care support. There's no shame in asking for public help. It is a legitimate right and wisdom for you to survive and protect your precious children.

Even if you can't rely on your husband, the big hand called the structure of society will support you. You've worked hard enough until now. Don't try to fight alone any more and drop off your luggage with the help of a professional. Protecting your own heart and life is above all else a memorial service, and it is a practice of mercy.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

I read it.
I read that you are having a really hard time right now and are being mentally driven. I don't know the details of you or your family's circumstances, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
You're in financial trouble, and you're being driven to the point where you want to die, aren't you?
First of all, you also have a connection with us here. And even though you don't notice, you're connected to so many people.
Please try talking to the people around you about what you think is difficult. I'm sure you and your family are also connected to people in the community.
If you have financial problems, as answered by other monks, you can consult with local government social welfare consultation desks and civil affairs commissioners, and consult with law terraces to receive advice and have them respond. You can also receive public support and relief funds.
I think parents can also receive support from medical institutions and support groups, so let's actively support them.
You and everyone in your family are very precious people. It may be very dark right in front of you right now and you may not be able to see ahead, but I think that little by little you will be able to live and have the strength to live while supporting and helping each other with so many people.
I sincerely pray that you and everyone will be able to live a healthy life every day with the support of many people, so that you and everyone in your family will be able to live a healthy life little by little while connecting and supporting many people.