I don't want to cause trouble to people or myself

Thank you for taking the time to contact us.
I also felt that it was really amazing that you wrote your honest feelings in this way.

It was a college life I had been looking forward to, but things didn't go the way I expected.
My stomach hurts just by trying to go to work, and I even get nauseous. I'm sure it was frustrating that I had no choice but to stop.
I think I've blamed myself over and over again, saying, “Why am I when everyone is normal?”

Remembering it like a flashback made me feel painful, and the words I was told stuck.
Even though I don't want to hold a grudge, feelings of resentment come up, and I hit people I feel safe with.
I really don't want to do that, but the feeling of not being able to stop is also painful.

The phrase “everything is all suffering” is cherished, isn't it?
The view is that living doesn't turn out the way you want it to.
But I don't think that's the phrase “so be patient.”
Rather, it may be a phrase that looks directly at our weakness, saying, “It's natural that things don't turn out the way we want them to.”

The expression “I want an umbrella” stuck in my mind.
It doesn't have to be a big solution; you want something to keep up with this rain right now.

If you don't mind, when it becomes painful, try tweeting “Maybe I can't do it anymore” in your heart. It doesn't have to be pretty words.
Also, if possible, it might be a good idea to say “Namu Amida Buddha” as if you were able to sigh.
It's not a great training; it's a voice that says, “It's tough right now.”
I've heard that it has a function to accept every voice.

Also, if physical symptoms and flashbacks continue, I don't think it's an exaggeration at all to rely on psychosomatic medicine or counselors. The fact that your body is responding properly may be proof that you've overdone it.

If you think “I want to talk without bothering people,” you're already a kind enough person.
Even if there are days when it shakes a little bit, isn't it okay to say to yourself, “Oh, I was desperate today too.”

Please don't hold me alone and come back to talk to me anytime.
May your everyday life ease little by little with Nembutsu.

Thank you for your consultation, Mr. Soboro.

As a simplified interpretation, things that don't go the way you want are called “all suffering.”
People are made to suffer and worry.
This is because the brain is designed to respond by feeling bad or painful things as a threat, leaving them in memory, and fighting, running away, and freezing.
This brain response isn't your fault. That's because it's an evolved human brain habit. (There is also a positive side to this reaction. (This is because you can quickly sense a threat and avoid danger)
I'm not going to detail the brain's response here, but we have to do something about it from suffering and worry.
It's an umbrella for you to protect your mind and body.
It's “compassion.” Speaking of Buddhism, it is “mercy” and “heart of mercy.”

I direct this feeling of “compassion” to myself.
Remember how you felt “kindness” and “heartwarming” in your experiences so far. If you can't remember right away, it doesn't matter if it's watching a movie or TV series. Try to feel that “kindness,” “heartwarming,” or full of compassion. It doesn't matter if it's an image.
Let's feel it over and over again along with a leisurely and slow breath.
And how does your body feel at that time?
Wouldn't it be a little calm, relaxed, and calm your mind?

You should gradually cultivate this “compassion” for yourself. Practice such as meditation is necessary, but if you grow up, you can direct “compassion” to others, and eventually it will become a big umbrella, and you will be able to spend a positive time talking about what you like without being carefree, as if you were walking in with a friend.
Whether studying, working part-time, or eventually becoming a member of society, you will be able to have a cheerful time.
And one more thing, please fall in love with the phrase “four infinity hearts.”
“May you be full of mercy and happiness. May you be freed from your worries and suffering. May you be filled with joy. I pray for “Peace be upon you.” Gassho ceremony.
Please feel free to contact us whenever you have any problems!

I have read your concerns. The experience of working part-time was really painful, both mentally and physically.

You blame yourself for not being able to “take it for granted,” but life is full of mountains and valleys. There are times when we all stop and feel deeply depressed. Please don't be disappointed or belittled by yourself.

The phrase “everything is suffering” is cherished, isn't it? This is the truth that “the world won't turn out the way you want it to,” but it definitely doesn't mean “just keep enduring the cold rain.” When it's hard, you can take shelter from the rain and ask for an umbrella to protect yourself. For example, there is always someone who protects you from the rain and warmly snuggles up to a small bird waiting in the cold rain, like a big bear that gently hangs an umbrella.

The reason you worry “I don't want to cause trouble to people” is probably because of your kindness. However, in human relationships, everyone lives “like each other.” You don't need to worry too much. Now let me take my friend's umbrella and feel free to talk about whatever you like. And someday, when you've regained your energy, it's time to bring an umbrella for someone else.
Amida promised that we would “definitely save” all sentient beings. There are no requirements for that. Don't worry, let's leave it up to you.
Don't be impatient, please take your time and rest your wings first.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

They say most things don't go well... other than part-time work, difficult things have happened, haven't they? If it overlaps, I'll lose my confidence if I can't do anything.

Everyone has a first step. Even if it seems like everyone around you is ready, I wonder if it's something that you will experience failure and setbacks as well. I don't tell my failure stories to others, so I can't see them from here, and they look like they're shining brightly. I think it's a matter of hesitation until you find a job that suits you and grasp the pace you learn.

Some things are heavy to hold alone, aren't they? When we have daily relationships, we tend to accumulate reluctance and patience. That's why it's easier to talk to someone who doesn't know your complaint or lament, someone who can listen, or someone who understands. I think everyone is taking a break at some point and taking care of themselves.

You should not only work hard, but also find your own pace while having time to rest and a space to heal. Even if you take it slow, step by step, you can move forward.
Please feel free to let go of your feelings to Hasunoha anytime.