hasunoha

How to accept nonsexuality

I'm probably nonsexual
I have never felt sexual attraction towards people even before I became sexual phobia due to past sexual victimization.
What is sexual attraction in the first place? It makes me think. I'm talking about girls the same age as when they were students feeling attracted to nakedness of the opposite sex (it was a slightly more direct way of saying it, but I'm reluctant to use such words, so I'll avoid them. (Sorry if it's hard to understand) I couldn't keep up with that story at all.

I was aware that I was in the minority even before I knew the word nonsexual, so I told the people I dated, “I don't feel sexual attraction towards people. I'm not happy when my sexual desires are directed at me by someone I like. We started dating after talking about “No matter how much I like you, it won't change”
However, when I dated a man who claimed to be nonsexual in the same way, I discovered that was a big lie.
He said, “I thought we could get along if I told a lie. They said something like, “They'll start to feel like that over time.”

It's like this even when they are in a relationship after recognizing that they are both non-sexual, and even though they think they don't understand the love between girls, there's no way I can hurt my friend just by recognizing that I don't understand, so I listen to the story by pretending to understand. There's a sense of guilt about that too.
There are times when people with strong sexual desires say that they are making a fool of us who don't have sexual desire, and that you are bad as living beings. Even if this one doesn't say anything.
Of course, I don't think having a strong sexual desire is bad. If you don't even do harm, I don't think there's anything good or bad about sexual desire.

This is probably due to sexual phobia, but sometimes when comics depicting sex are played in advertisements, I feel a slight sense of violence and fear about sex, whether it is a depiction that is not violent or based on consent.

In conversations with people, I'm still not used to the feeling that I'm in the minority in this part. I have to accept that I am nonsexual, but I feel like being nonsexual is evil, and I don't want to accept it.
How should we deal with it?

4 Zen Responses

Please live with confidence

I read it.
I read about you and the fact that it's nonsectional. I feel that you are lost or worried about what to do in the future. I don't know the details about you, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think the details of sexual matters are different for each person. That's because each person's sexual feelings and values are different.
In TV, movies, and TV shows, the majority of people depict sexual depictions based on the concept that this would be the case, but in reality, no one feels or takes it the same way.
So I think it's okay for you to be sexually nonsectional, and since it's about yourself, there's nothing wrong with demeaning it at all.
Everyone has different senses and sensitivities.
There are many people in the world who think the majority is right, but that's wrong. Everyone is different in many ways, not limited to sexual matters.
Conversely, we are both in the majority and in the minority. So there's no need to get caught up.
It's wrong to have discrimination or prejudice as a majority or minority.
Please respect yourself and take care of yourself.
I sincerely pray that you can live every day confidently and healthily without any discrimination or prejudice, that you can sincerely respect each other and live a rich and peaceful life from the bottom of your heart, and that you can live a truly fulfilling life with all of you.
And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree

Each animal is a different creature

In Buddhism, it is explained that the law (concepts thought out in the head, etc.) is selfless (like an illusion without substance).
The concepts of “woman,” “man,” and “human” are only “provisional,” and in reality, each animal is a different creature, and it is normal that they do not necessarily have the same properties as others.
So it's natural that there are people like you.
Incidentally, according to the sutras, it seems that all residents of the Pure Land of Paradise are not born from a mother's womb, but are born with metamorphosis (magically appearing) from a lotus flower.
Also, it seems that there are no women in the Pure Land of Paradise. (In other words, it's the same as not having a gender.)
While you are in this world, you may have reached the same state as the Bodhisattvas in the Pure Land of Paradise.

Listen to your body

 Good evening. While reading your sentences, I felt that you might have come while feeling the fear that “I might float away from this world”... That must have been really tough. “What people take for granted is not natural to me.” How deep was that loneliness.
First, I want to tell you something.
You can protect yourself. However, it may be in a state where “I don't know how to protect it” right now. But that's not your weakness. This is because the “learning results” that “peace of mind can only be obtained by complying” are deeply engraved in your mind.

Therefore, even if you suddenly show only specific forms such as “let's say bad things are disgusting” or “you can draw a line by saying this,” it will only be a burden for you. So first, there's something I want you to keep in mind.
“Your body is “!!” I'll gently look at them the moment they say that”

This is the first step in trying to have boundaries. Boundaries are not “the art of rejecting others,” but “maps for not losing sight of yourself.” Have you ever received an autograph like this?
・When it comes to a topic, I feel like my stomach has become heavy
・The moment you adjust to your surroundings, your back gets cold
・Even though I'm making a smile, my stomach shrinks quickly

These are neither refusals nor defiance. What's more, it's not proof that “I'm in the minority.” It's a very gentle signal that your body is calling out to protect you. You yourself will gently admit, “This is where I'm not good at.” Please keep that in mind.
Where is “!!” Do you feel that... that position is unique to you. It's not meant to be shown to anyone.
And if that feeling grows little by little, the day may come when you can say very lightly, “I'm a little bad at this topic...” Or maybe they won't come.
Actually, either one is fine.
The important thing is that you can find your place at your own pace. Start with your own “!!” Please give them a gentle snuggle. The path that begins there will definitely be a “standing position” for you to live from now on.

I hope your future will be even a little easier to live.

Being able to cherish each other as we build a relationship

As much as you've been betrayed and hurt, you also feel scared, even though it's your own sexuality. We don't understand each other, and beyond that, trust and security are ideals, and I can't even accept it as my own.

Everyone has a minority part, and I don't even notice it myself, and even when I do, I feel confused and uneasy. What's more, it may be difficult for someone to understand.

While listening to Hasunoha's numerous consultations, I think that knowing and understanding the other person is probably the ultimate relationship, no matter what kind of encounter or relationship. There is no shortage of worries in all kinds of relationships.

If you're non-sexual, you probably feel resistance or disgust at sexual depictions. As for your sexuality, I think it's important to get to know yourself first, and to be able to think about each other as you slowly build a relationship. If we can deepen our views on life and romance beyond that, we may be able to understand that the minority side is also that person. There is a possibility that disgust will diminish due to such existence.