I can't wipe away my past regrets.

Thank you for sharing your painful feelings. How painful and uneasy were the days of fighting alone against a sense of guilt you couldn't tell anyone about and continuing to blame yourself.

We humans are all “ordinary husbands (bonbu)” with weaknesses. If you have the circumstances and relationships at that time, you are equally at risk of committing any kind of mistake. Every human being makes mistakes, and you're by no means the only one who is particularly stupid or dirty.

They put their hands together at the temple and were sworn “never again.” That painful reflection is the best proof that you have already learned from the past and begun to walk a new path. The Buddha only takes pity on people who have such weaknesses and regrets, and gently watches over them as they are. Now that you've reflected enough, there's no need to keep punishing yourself any longer.

As you said, it is impossible to change the very facts of the past that have happened. However, it is possible to change the “meaning” of the past depending on how we live in the “now.” Live your life here and now to the fullest while having the desire to “run away.” That attitude of “living with care for the present” changes past mistakes into deep kindness and compassion, and becomes a light that illuminates your own future.

Please forgive yourself and cherish today's day. It's fine, we can definitely move forward.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

My heart ached as I read it. At the same time, I thought you were very precious.
Let me tell you one thing first.
The fact that you consulted here today is itself proof of your inner desire to “live.”
You wrote the phrase “what to do to move forward” yourself, right? That's enough for those words to come up. That's enough for now.

About feeling guilty about “selling my body.”
Once you think about it from the perspective of the times and society, it's just one “way of being” in your life. What you are really suffering from is not the act itself, but rather the burden of having “things you can't say” with your loved ones.
But there's something I want you to know.
Your parents, friends, and teachers all want to take it to the grave, and they all have unspeakable burdens. Big or small, always. That's what humans are. You're not the only one in a special situation.

There is no denying the feeling of “wanting to run away.”
It's not wrong to want to run away, and it's not wrong to run away. It's almost always a natural instinct as a living thing. There's no such thing as “don't run away.”
However, please do just this. Please stay alive.
There are always sceneries that can only be seen by continuing to live. There are always tomorrow's truths that you don't understand today. If you are quietly holding hands at the temple, you are already facing yourself. Please keep walking as you are.

You can stay here. It's good to be supported. It's good to be loved.
I am thankful to have this opportunity to meet you. Please take care of yourself.
Thank you very much for your consultation. clap hands.

I read it.
I read that you deeply regret it. I don't know the details about you or your family, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
You are a very precious and important person. The fact that you are an important person has never changed before, now, and always will never change.
I think that's something you can't fully regret, even if you regret it, but it won't change the fact that you are an important person in any way.
You must be very sorry, so please put your hands together with the Buddha, God, and your ancestors from the bottom of your heart and confess it, and let the Buddha, God, and your ancestors accept your feelings.
The Buddha, gods, and ancestors treat you kindly, comfort and snuggle up to you, and guide you.
Please keep in mind what you thought and live with confidence from now on.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can continue to live a healthy life with your loved ones, and that you can be considerate of each other and live a happy life.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree

I can't repay my money...
That was your payment method at the time, wasn't it? Even if you don't cross such a dangerous bridge, you feel sorry for being short-circuited, wondering if there was no other way.

I'm relieved to hear that you have regrets. This is because there are people who repeat it this way. Plan your shopping and payments.

And don't hurt yourself by something you don't want. If it were to keep the important people around you away from yourself, it would be pitiful what you are doing.

Be sure to cut off contact with the other person. Has your personal information been leaked too? If anything puts you in danger, please contact us again. Let's think about countermeasures together. If by any chance we meet, let's just walk away without saying anything.

Everyone goes through various experiences and learns how to manage themselves. While looking closely at yourself, let's rely on an adult you can trust if you're in trouble.