It's full of benefits, but somehow I don't like it

　Of course, it's up to you to decide. The environment is like clothes, and even if you think it's perfect for you at any moment, you are an entity that changes no matter what, so I think “I want to wear more clothes like this” is a natural feeling.
It would be difficult to do everything in your own way without being at the top or independent. It also has the aspect of “not being protected by the organization.”
so.
If you think that they will eventually become independent and completely independent, I wonder if it is okay to position it as preparation for that and shift to “earn money.”
The fact that previous experiences make me hesitate is something I have experienced, but it is still undecided. You're not who you used to be. You may have lost some things, such as youth or physical strength, but your learning must have increased as you have gained experience. Maybe it's your turn to get to a “job to raise someone.”
So, I recommend you jump in.
On top of that, I will specify it again. It's up to you to decide.

Taking delicious places is a convenient story, isn't it? Even though they say the conditions are like dreams, I don't want to let go of my current life either. Freedom is probably the most appealing thing for you.

However, it is rare for such applications to be received. I think there are other applicants. I think people who are positive and enthusiastic, and people who have set goals will be hired.

A satisfying way of working may be in the current environment. Maybe you just got used to it. If we want to enhance it, we will need more changes and initiatives than now.
However, if your mind and body were exhausted by working full time in the past, it may be tough in reality.

Can it continue even under favorable conditions? It's a consultation with your own body and mind, isn't it?
Outside of work, I wonder if it's a good idea to find a satisfying life worth living with.

I read it.
I read your thoughts on work. I don't know the details of you, your work, or the circumstances around you, but I feel like I understand your feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think that would be the case if you had been working like that until now. When it comes to working full time, the number of things you have to do will increase a lot. That's because you're going to have to work within an organization.
Why don't you think about that carefully. There are probably many things you can gain by working full time.
I sincerely pray that you will continue to have a wonderful job and live a fulfilling life.
We wholeheartedly agree

I understand the feeling that “the conditions are good, but somehow I don't like it.”
When I was an office worker, I was also worried about salary, place of work, motivation, and future potential, but no matter how much I thought about it, it didn't make sense.

In the Soto sect, a sutra called “Gokan no Ge (Gokan no Ge)” is sung before meals.
It's a sutra that asks “what is living” through meals, and I think there are things that resonate with the current consultation.

In particular, the third teaching is “Let's get away from a struggling heart.”
The state of adding and subtracting in the mind that salary increases and research expenses are paid = plus, and freedom is reduced or confinement time increased = negative is called “greed” in Buddhism.
As long as you are in this state, no matter how many pluses you accumulate, the doubt about “is this really OK?” won't go away.
Your “somehow disgusting” may be a sign that you are aware in the back of your heart that “this calculation doesn't give an answer.”

Try changing your perspective there.
The second of the Five Views is a teaching that asks, “Am I doing enough to respond to that relationship?”
It's not “what does this job give me,” but “what can I offer to that place?” The order is reversed.

And finally, the fifth one is “I will receive this now in order to live better.”
It's about returning to the question of what do we live for.
For you, “living better” means ease, free time, or being deeply involved with someone?
Even if you leave that question behind and just look at the conditions, you won't be able to get out of the maze.

I think it doesn't matter if you apply or not.
However, I want that choice for you to “live better.”
What lies behind the feeling of freedom being taken away is simply laziness or an important intuition — you can't see it on a balance scale.

If you don't mind, just 5 seconds before the first bite of today's meal,
“How much of a relationship is this meal?”
“Are you acting in response to that?”
“What am I living for?”
Please ask.
As you continue, the way you face your work and career strangely changes.

I sincerely pray that you will find an answer that satisfies you.

Gassho