Relationship with mother

So, I think it's better to think that it has nothing to do with the heart.
Since reincarnation is taken for granted in Buddhism, I think that when you die and move away from this body or brain, your mind will also be born appropriately somewhere from hell to a celestial person, create some kind of body, and work normally again.
That “normal” is not necessarily the best state you or those around you expect. It's the original state that that person's mind has built up. However, in the case of mothers, it seems that they don't need to worry that much about their original condition, so I don't think they need to worry too much after death.
On the other hand, as you are feeling frustrated, it's a bit of a problem that you want to spend a warm time with your dying mother but things don't go well.
There seem to be a lot of misunderstandings piled up, and it's difficult to raise evidence to resolve misunderstandings, and it's more important to be convinced than that, so what I think is a good Buddhist method:
The current situation that isn't going well is just a bug, partly because of the brain, so I think it's a good idea to ignore everything, unearth your gratitude for being raised and grown by your mother from a long time ago, and convey your feelings.
In Buddhism, you can't fully return a parent's kindness, but I think I was able to do my job as a child if I rewarded them even a little bit.
I'm heading towards the end of my life, where there were many good things and bad things, so I think it would be a good idea to convey the gratitude I felt to my mother when I was a kid like an old story, and have my mother remember it, and try it until she can spend time with only the heart of a good time. In Buddhism, it is an ascetic practice called “the practice of mercy.”
The way people interact with each other changes depending on their position. Children should present the good things they have done to their parents and the good things they have done for the home and surroundings to their mother for as long as they can remember, and let the mother also firmly engrave the good things they have done for their daughters in their hearts.
Even if your mother doesn't get on well, when you meet someone, please treat them with the feeling of practicing mercy. After death, each person may have a different way of life (like Tenjin and Hungry Demon). We might be so far away that we'll never meet again, let alone for a while. Try doing it with the comfort of feeling that while you can live and be together as a parent and child, well, I'll do what I can.

Thank you so much for your hard work as a cornerstone of mother's care, both mentally and physically. I can't help but wonder how painful it is to be “treated as a thief” by a mother you once respected.

The first thing I want you to keep in mind is that these words are not the mother's true intentions, but rather misconceptions made by diseases called “depression” and “dementia.” Even though it was influenced by your relatives, it is a symptom created by your current brain state, so please don't take the words head-on and don't wear down your own mind.

The question is “Will they understand the truth after death?” and they definitely understand it. In Buddhism, when people end their lives and become Buddha, they are freed from all worries, suffering from illness, and obsessions in this world. Since the sense of doubt disappears, all misunderstandings are melted away, and the truth can be seen as it is. You will definitely be able to understand your devotion up until now and gently watch over you with a pure heart.

Also, when it comes to visitation, I think “only when you're in a pinch is fine.” Rather than hurting each other with bad air, it's more important to keep a physical distance now. Rather than force yourself to meet, “have a sense of gratitude” from a remote place to your mother who was smart and kind in the past. I think that is the most precious form of filial piety in the current situation. Please don't overdo it and put your own heart and life first.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Thank you for your consultation.
You've been trying to stay close to your mother even though you've been feeling unreasonable for a long time. There are probably things that cannot be fully described in simple words about its weight.

“Will people understand the truth after death?” I understand that feeling very well. However, to be precise, Buddhism is not about seeking answers in the world after death.
As Dogen Zenji also explained, what is important is exactly where we are now and how we live in this moment.
No one knows whether or not your mother will understand after death. If you keep looking for answers there, you will be left in suffering forever. (As you can see in the answer section, reincarnation and afterlife stories have various interpretations depending on denomination and monks.)

Is it OK to only meet when you're in a pinch? If the mother herself says “just a phone call is enough,” taking those words as a break is not an escape. This is because forcibly going to see each other and getting worse cannot be said to be mutual happiness.
... Even so, your unrelenting words, “she was a smart and proud mother,” are still particularly impressive.
I feel that deep within anger and pain, there is sadness and a deep, deep love that supports it. Please keep that feeling dear.

That you are living honestly in the here and now. I think that in itself is already precious. Don't just overdo it in the future.
If you don't care about your feelings again, I hope you can spit it out here at hasunoha and feel even a little better about who you are now. We clap hands.

I read it.
Your mother took such a terrible look at you, and you're having a very hard time. I understand how you are worried about what to do with your mother. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Specifically, I don't know how much dementia your mother has, but it may be quite difficult to change the way your mother looks at you with such eyes.
Dementia is a disease, so once you believe it, you won't be able to change your way of thinking or looking at it easily.
It may be really painful for you, but I think it is preferable to calm down and watch without recognizing that such an illness is fogging up your mother's eyes.
It may be difficult to meet them quite a bit now, so maybe it's okay to just call in between.
There will come a time when they will complete the ten-life they have been given. It might be better to meet him before then. Until then, please keep a quiet eye on them.
I pray from the bottom of my heart to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can live every day with peace of mind while being gently watched over by the Buddha, gods, and ancestors, so that when tenju is complete, you will be guided by Buddha or God and gently welcomed by your ancestors, saved from any hesitation or suffering, and opened up to correct wisdom. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha