Ex-girlfriend who cheated on her just by using it

She had an affair with a doctor in her 30s after being in a relationship for 4 years since high school.
I was faintly aware that I wasn't attractive and that my values didn't match, but even so, I made an effort.
However, in the end, she broke up by telling false lies and using only her own good intentions. Specifically, the content is about picking up and dropping off every weekend for a year that takes 4 and a half hours by car, getting expensive gifts, being sexless (1 year) because they don't feel well, being upset that it's okay to fall apart when they get caught, and they don't even appreciate it even if they go out of their way to deliver the band goods they had originally bought after breaking up.
Of course, I don't think it's my fault at all. Rather, it's just remorse. I don't like myself so much, wondering why I wasn't able to be kind at that time. For example, driving a car got a little rough, and I think I did a lot of terrible things, such as being depressed when I went shopping and was just sending...
To the extent that I cared about her, I took her selfishness and selfishness too much as a positive aspect, so I think that led to bad results for both of us.
I wonder if she had no choice but to have an affair because she was too prepared to marry this person.

But at the same time that I feel bad about myself, I just can't forgive her. The frequency has decreased, but it makes me think that I want to kill them, take them all to the hospital at work, and dispose of them to my parents. I'm tempted to rebel against the fact that she herself said that it would be nice if a little bit of people around her understood, and how many people affirmed cheating.
I heard a lot of things when they delivered goods after we broke up. In the end, I was just being played with that doctor and it didn't work, and I started a matching app dedicated to high annual income and high education. After all, when we met, there was no irritation, and even if I blamed them for cheating, this person had reopened up, so even if I tried to face it, I felt that it was no use. I think I simply wanted to get an apology and reduce the sense of inequality even a little bit.

It's been a long time since I wrote it, but now I'm worried about the following content.
・The ugliness of humans who can be used because they are convenient even though they have no feelings for themselves
・Resentment that comes from a sense of inequality and unfairness
・A sense of unfinished problem as to why they chose the method of cheating

As I look back at myself because of this incident, I just can't let go of my frustration. Please help.

4 Zen Responses

Unfortunately, other people's minds don't turn out the way they want them to.

I read the details of your consultation and your painful feelings. Being hurt by unreasonable behavior and harboring anger or resentment from a sense of unfairness is a natural emotion as a human being. First of all, please don't forcibly deny your own feelings and gently accept that “I am deeply hurt right now.”

Buddhism explains that most suffering comes from “obsession.” The “preparation for marriage” you mentioned was a deep love for her, and at the same time, it may have become such a strong “obsession” that you couldn't see anything else. The sincerity of your hard work while being aware of differences in values is precious, but unfortunately the hearts of others do not go the way you want them to.

Even if you search for answers to past events or in the other person's mind, “why did you have an affair,” unfinished thoughts only gather, and peace of mind cannot be obtained. Also, vengeance poisons your own heart and becomes a flame that will destroy you. Right now, it's just a matter of quietly accepting and letting go of the fact that “I didn't have a lifelong relationship with her” without logic.

Freed from obsession, a new “relationship” always comes into your free hands. You're still young in your 20s, and your future is open. Even this extremely painful experience will one day be sublimated into your deep vessel, where you can be close to the pain of others. I sincerely hope that you will not blame yourself and walk forward for your own true happiness.

worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

Social status or evaluation is not a person's value. The one that got thrown away is hers

That is so frustrating as I hate it. If you make her like that, you're looking down on yourself... but it's probably her who's still at fault. I hurt you and betrayed you.

She didn't notice your kindness and affection, couldn't care for her, and was played with her according to her own desires. She is the one who deserved it. You abandoned her, who was so laid-back, even though it looked like you had been betrayed.

Love and relationships are about choosing a partner based on various conditions. Social status and evaluation are not the only values of a person. She was swept away there, played with, and thrown away. Maybe it was good for you that her true intentions were revealed.
I think even more was eaten up and absorbed. Once again, once you've acquired the ability to see through people, let's nod.

Wishing for her happiness without asking for anything in return is true love, so I think it's a good idea to break up by saying in a cool way to be happy so as not to be deceived by a bad man. I don't think my time with her was a mistake. Be careful and store it in your heart's warehouse. And let's start a new day. Focus on your work first, then get interested in other women. Think there's a woman out there who needs you.

Let's throw away bad relationships

I read it.
You can't forgive that person for using you to betray you. I don't know the details about you or that person, but I sincerely understand your painful feelings, sorrow, anger, and hatred.
I don't know the specific interaction with that person, but I think it's natural for you to think so. We are neither Buddha nor gods, so I think it's natural to feel angry, hated, and unforgivable.
Please share your painful feelings here too, and please put your hands together with the Buddha, gods, and ancestors and confess them as they are. Please clearly tell the Buddha, gods, and ancestors about your unforgivable feelings, anger, grudge, hatred, and feelings of not being rewarded.
Buddha, gods, and ancestors will kindly accept all of your thoughts, and they will gently snuggle up to your heart and comfort you.
Perhaps that person's ancestors also took your thoughts firmly, sincerely apologized to you, and will continue to watch over you.
The Buddha, God, your ancestors, and that person's ancestors have all taken a close look at what has happened until now.
That person treated you with a very dishonest heart and hurt you, so they probably made a mistake by humiliating that person themselves. That person will surely be rewarded for the mistakes they have committed themselves and for their feelings.
That person is a bad match for you. Let's get rid of bad relationships once and for all.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can move away from such foolish bad relationships in the future and be blessed with really good relationships, and that you can live your lives by sincerely caring for each other and sharing happiness with your loved ones.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.

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