It's painful just denying myself

It's great that you're doing your best to study.
The important thing is not to compare yourself to others.
We've always said “we are home, others are away”, right?
In particular, now is an age of individuality, so it's important to pursue your own individuality.
The Buddha said it too.
“No one is only praised, and no one is just criticized.”
After all, people who praise you no matter what kind of person you do will praise you, and people who speak ill of you speak ill will speak ill of you. So adapting to others is pointless.
Please live your life the way you are.
There are also people who support it.

First, focus on someone else around you.

Then, even though that person cares about other people's eyes just as much as you do, they are doing their own thing.
I'm just doing myself.
Everyone doesn't compare themselves to others; they just do what they are.
That person, that person, you, your neighbors, everyone.
Even if you say you compare yourself to others, you really can't compare them.
I don't think you understand the meaning even if you hear that you can't compare them.
So let's talk about an analogy.
Speaking of fruits, strawberries are strawberries, melons are melons, pines are pines, muscats are muscats, whatever kind of fruit you are, you can be yourself.

Speaking of vegetables, carrots are carrots, pumpkins are pumpkins, eggplants are eggplants, tomatoes are tomatoes, and green onions are green onions. Burdock is a burdock, and no matter what you are, you should make the most of your personality and flavor.

Let's say I'm an onion. Let's say it's a burdock.
Even if you want to be strawberries or muscat, strawberries are no substitute for green onions in soba or udon.
Muscat cannot be used as a substitute for deep-fried burdock.
In other words, if you were a cranberry, you would be best when combined with cheese and bread.
I'm an onion and a burdock, so even if I could make a bagel in a different shape, I wouldn't be able to turn it into a cranberry.
So I have no choice but to be myself.
I have no choice but to live for myself.

What does this story say?
You've been so worried about people's eyes that you've frozen over there.
However, please keep in mind by reciting it over and over again.
“That guy is me. That's me, that thing. That person is me called that person.”
The epicenter of everything is “me.”
My truth is one thought.
It just means I thought so.
If there's something called me somewhere, try putting it out.
🐯 ('・ω・) Now, shogun, please kick the tiger out of the folding screen ~.

In other words, your fear is your own.
I think that person might think this way.
I'm worried that if I do something like this, people will think like this.
Zazen is about attaching this noisy, ungrounded, and wandering mind to the ground and defining it without leaving reality behind it.
Look at your heart with your heart and calm that heart.
It's a way to cultivate an unwavering mind.

I read it.
As you enter university life, you always feel uneasy and empty, and you're having a very difficult time. I feel depressed when I think about myself like that. I don't know the details of you or your surroundings, but I can tell you that you are having a very difficult time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

First, let's try to calm down. Try taking a slow breath, then slowly exhale slowly. You are still doing well, and you are still living well while receiving many blessings.

Please don't worry. You may not be able to do it right away, but please feel confident about yourself and relax your mind.

If you feel uneasy or empty, please do your best to talk about it here as well. You're never alone; you already have a relationship with us here. You are living protected and supported by many people, including your parents. Therefore, we will never reprimand ourselves. You are a very precious person.

There are times when we lose various insecurities, worries, and confidence as we go about our lives. It's something that bothers and worries everyone, not just you. So let's talk about your feelings here and to people you can trust, have them accept your thoughts, and share them.
I think I can feel relieved and relieved when everyone talks to me.

I sincerely pray that many people will continue to accept and share your thoughts, and that you will be able to live every day with peace of mind. And I sincerely pray that you will live a healthy and fulfilling life. And I wholeheartedly support you.

I wonder if people around me think so too. At university, everyone is happy to meet each other. I wonder if they find their own place and behavior while looking and sometimes exploring their surroundings.

If you were imagining that you would suddenly have close friends, be surrounded by friends, and have fun in class, then that's not the case. Nice to meet you, so we started everything from scratch. If you don't reach out for yourself, you won't be able to live a drawing lifestyle.

Even when I think back to my college life, no one is in the same high school, so while introducing myself, I deepened the relationship by trying to match with the other person, making arguments, and fumbling to talk to them so that they become close friends.

that was your first choice, wasn't it? I wonder if there are classes I'd like to learn as well as interesting subjects. Even if you compare yourself to others, it doesn't give you confidence, so I think it's best to act the way you want. The reason I'm not convinced by my parents' advice is because I don't want to do that. You have what you're drawing. If that's the case, why don't you move on your own? You don't get anything from people around you, do you? I went all the way to college. Maybe you need a little bit of courage so you can enjoy it.