I want to go but I can't go 1 week
Last year, despite all the twists and turns, I completed my father's funeral and the 49th memorial service. This year is my first anniversary, but I got carried away just by exchanging LINE with my brother, and I was rejected because I didn't have to come.
When I told them that the date and time were weekdays and that my husband and children couldn't attend, they said that both my brother and mother were tired, so I should come alone.
Last year, my mother and brother blamed me for something I never thought of, and since then, I can't help but be afraid to meet them alone. I told my brother to that effect, and LINE, which was just as furious as last year, was sent unilaterally, so you don't have to force them to come! It was dismissed.
In the first place, there was no chanting of sutras during the funeral, etc., and I was so engrossed in stories that it was difficult for the people who came to take care of my father, so I just cared about my surroundings. There were almost no stories about my father when he was doing well. My younger brother is still unemployed, so there was no grave, he wasn't a parishioner, and I was worried about the fate of my father and still talked to the funeral director with an emphasis on simplicity. On the first anniversary of his death this time, they will not recite sutras at home, and they will probably just put their hands on the Buddhist altar as appropriate. It would be nice if I had feelings for my father as it is, but even after the funeral last year, we hardly talked about my father.
I had a father, and my whole family went to visit the facility while my mother-in-law, whom I had been with until a few years ago, was well, and my younger brother didn't seem to like that either. However, my younger brother and mother pretended to take great care of their father since they passed away, but things were terrible during their lifetime. My father often contacted me secretly. My father is the only thing I care about. I felt sorry for my father, who had just been yelled at by his mother since he was a child. My younger brother was even violent towards my father.
I would also like to go to the first anniversary if my mother and brother were normal, but I don't want to meet those two people who think I'm insane. It would be crazy to be surrounded by two people who say don't come in mourning clothes because they don't want the neighborhood to know about my father's death, and that I come alone because I'm tired. On the first anniversary of his death, is it OK to spend time at home away from home where you can quietly enjoy a conversation with your father, even if you don't face the Buddhist altar at your parents' house?