I want to make room for my mind
Due to my husband's financial neglect, mental DV, running away from home, my irresponsible parent-in-law family, and that environment, my mental capacity for children I originally wanted to cherish has decreased, and it almost collapses due to self-loathing.
Until now, I've been swayed and hurt all the time by my husband's repeated financial troubles and makeshift statements and lies.
Living expenses are not included, and if discussions are sought, issues are misplaced and responsibility is transferred.
I often have different memories about facts, so the conversation doesn't mesh.
My parents-in-law who asked for help are just like my husband. They have strong self-preservation and are good on the outside, and while understanding my husband's lies, they blame me and put themselves in the position of the victim. It's an uncooperative and dishonest response because they don't seem to want to wipe my husband's butt.
Over and over again, I desperately told my husband and parents-in-law that they would understand next time.
I want you to honestly talk about any disadvantages or things that are difficult to say. At times like this, I want them to do this, and they come up with a specific plan. I'll try to convey it while empathizing. I want you to understand the suffering, so I explained the circumstances in detail.
However, any method of communication is no good.
The facts are distorted, and it is replaced by a story where I became emotional rather than the beginning of the incident, and that I am an insane villain who makes contact in this way.
From the beginning of marriage, it was my parents who helped me by taking action in everything.
My mother also told me things my parents-in-law had to do with my husband. However, even there, my husband was an ad hoc and well-behaved reply.
I also feel very stressed by the situation where my parents are involved and made to suffer in this way.
My husband ran away from home a few months ago, and I don't know where he is or what he is doing.
They don't touch on topics that are not convenient and are one-sided.
There are 2 infants. It's a complete one-op.
I regularly ask outside for care and cleaning, but I have a lot of plans for my children, etc., and I'm busy with schedule management and time due to mommy brain, stress, and forgetfulness a lot.
I feel so full, and I hate myself because I can't gently accept my child's bad years and feelings of wanting to be spoiled.
For example, “Put on your shoes!” “If I'm not going to eat, I'll clean up already!” It makes me say it in a strong way, like an instruction. I want to encourage them by making the switch in a fun way.
It's sad that my heart and spirit have been cut down in this way, and I'm no longer who I am.
How should we protect our hearts from this environment in order to protect our children?
I want you to tell me how to be calm.