I don't have room for my feelings, and I can't be positive

My heart ached as I read it.

At the father and son family, while working as a caretaker, they did bento, pick up, and do housework. Moreover, I accept the suffering of others every day at work. That's all I'm doing by myself.

It's natural to sigh. It's natural to feel frustrated. It is natural that getting involved with people becomes a hassle.

You don't have to be in a relationship with the Yoshizane family or your eldest son and his wife for a while. The fact that you think “we have to go out with each other because we are relatives” is itself making you suffer. If you try to force yourself to get involved with people you don't understand, it's just exhausting. You don't need to worry about that right now.

No matter what the third son's baseball results were, his father was watching by his side. That's all it takes.

Please rest for a while.

Tonight, try taking a leisurely soak in the bath containing bath salts. It doesn't cost any money. Whether it's cold beer or cola after taking a bath. That alone will allow you to breathe a little.

You don't have to try to do everything right. If I manage to spend the whole day today, that's fine.

You've lived long enough.

Thank you very much for your continued consultation. I value the fact that they have continued to live in this way, close to the third son and close to the users until today. Relationships with in-laws, third-son baseball results, entrance exams, money, work, housework — it's quite natural to think “I wonder if it would be easier if I died” if I were “alone.” But at the same time, I also hear voices saying “I want you to help me” and “I want to live somehow.”

If you are proposing the best measures for users as care managers, the time has come to make a “care plan addressed to yourself.” There is something I would like to suggest as a care plan for you. First, write down all of your “concerns.” Furthermore, try classifying those “worries” into 5 categories: “things I can do now,” “things I want to ask someone right now,” “things I do over time,” “things I take time to ask someone,” and “things that are beyond my authority and leave them as they are.”
If you mix these five when you don't have time to spare, it will naturally cause a mental and physical puncture. Immediately, try concentrating on “what I can do now” and “what I would like to ask someone right now.” Then, add “greet each morning with a smile and send them off to school” (not swayed by baseball results) to one of the “things I can do now.” Your smile will lead to the third son's psychological peace of mind, and it will be easier for him to demonstrate his natural abilities.

As a caretaker, you should be aware of various social resources. If you look it up carefully, you can also receive various support measures as a single-parent household. Please return the experience you have cultivated through work to yourself and your third son. It will restore your own confidence, and it will also lead to life suggestions for your third son. The fact that my wife passed away is a fact that cannot be changed. The phrase “you can't change the past with others, but you can change yourself and your future” is a phrase that I myself, who walked with childhood paralysis, supported. I will definitely give it to you as well.

Buddhism teaches that “all actions are impermanent.” Because it's a changing world, it can change in any way. There is no perfect father or perfect caretaker. That's why we can continue to grow and deepen. That's who we are. I also want to tell you that there is a Buddha who will continue to work if he can never abandon us.

I read it.
I read that you are very struggling financially and mentally with your work and child-rearing. I don't know the details about you, your children, or your family, but I really understand your pain.
I read it, and I think your mind and body have been driven so much that you have reached your limit, and you have no relatives you can rely on, so I feel that it's the limit.
First, let's get immediate support by consulting with local government child home centers, child counseling centers, social welfare, and social welfare councils, including children.
Let's talk to many counselors and volunteer support workers and ask for help. On the financial side, let's actively receive subsidies by consulting with the Civil Affairs Committee and local governments.
Let's get help and support from many people without holding it alone.
Let's also get public support for your child to go on to college.
And let's lighten your feelings little by little. Please make sure that staff understand your situation and that of your child in terms of work, and give them appropriate consideration at work.
Please take a break little by little and take care of yourself, too. Both you and your child can live with the help and support of many people.
I sincerely pray that you and your child can live every day with peace of mind, that they can be helped, supported, and protected by many people, that your child will grow well into the future, and that you and your child will continue to be considerate of each other and live a rich life.
And I wholeheartedly support you and your child.

It looks like your mind and body are on the verge of a puncture. Relationships really don't go the way you want them to, do they?
Of course, there is a partner, so there is also a difference between my feelings and the other person's thoughts... I guess we have no choice but to leave it up to each one, but it's frustrating, isn't it?

You are living in many different positions. Father, relative, husband, employee, and local resident. If you live just the way you want, you may be able to see the answers, but it also makes you want to run away to the current situation where you can't do anything.

I just hope that facing reality as a child will also lead to growth.
Everyone has the power to overcome it, yet I don't know when the answer will come out. Maybe only I can solve my problems myself, but I still want to nod and listen to your feelings.

Irritability is also a sign of fatigue.
Sometimes, please rest your mind by thinking about your wife while prioritizing “yourself,” which is not in any position.