My heart is hard even though it's my desired divorce

In April of this year, she said, “Even if I tell them I don't like it, my husband won't stop talking, and we can't have a proper discussion. We asked, “Should we continue our marital relationship as it is?”

After that, we have been searching for a way to become a married couple by referring to the answers we received. However, I decided to get divorced because ① they continued to be ignored even when I told them “I don't like it,” ② my husband actually didn't want children for the past few years even though they wanted children with each other before marriage, and furthermore, they didn't know that there was a time limit for women to give birth.

After the divorce was decided, my husband began to do housework as if people had changed, but I had no choice but to think “it's too late now.” Also, while I was preparing to move, “won't we get divorced if we have children?” Even when I was told that, I felt like I didn't understand the essence of the problem, and it made me sad.

And today, I filed for divorce. Suddenly, when I looked at my husband's face, he seemed to be holding back tears. Seeing that figure tightened my heart, and I almost cried.

Thinking about the hardships up until now, I chose divorce because I thought it would be better to live a new life rather than continue putting up with it like this. Still, for some reason, it makes me feel so hard.

Furthermore, just before filing divorce papers, he fell flashily at the pedestrian crossing and injured both hands and feet. As a result, I thought, “I wonder if it was news that the divorce should be discouraged,” and my heart is shaken extra.

It may calm down little by little over time, but it's very painful right now. While I want to believe that the decision to divorce was not a mistake, I am also sad and uncertain.

I would be happy if you could say anything to me like this.

4 Zen Responses

It is “your” choice to follow and stay on the path you have chosen

You had a tough time, didn't you? How much trouble did you have until you decided to divorce your partner? I can't help but wonder if there are gender differences between men and women, but I think the decision to go the path of divorce was due to too much determination.

The first thing I want to say is that being knocked over doesn't suggest anything. There is no connection between that and the feeling of being shaken.

I think marriage is made up of a balance between expectations, demands, arguments, and demand, including what fits and doesn't fit. It may be rude to group up with women and men, but women are often in a state where their feelings are over when they make a decision.

I think it's natural to break up with someone who once married “this person...” because of the feelings part and cannot be easily sorted out. Instead of being told to do that by someone else, I think it's about making your own choices again.

In terms of Buddhism, if you choose to “break up,” the results of that choice, and if you choose to “start over,” a future where you start over awaits you. Please make your own choices and live by accepting the results.

What I personally think is that since I got divorced, I think it would be nice if I could spend a little time alone. If you still think “after all,” I think it would be a good idea to determine how they would be a life partner again. Whether they want children or not is a big factor, especially for women, so it's a troubling part of the time limit.

Finally, the original quarrel “won't you get divorced if you have children?” I feel like “it's not there.”

Every milestone in life is “happy”

For example, even at graduation ceremonies that are supposed to be congratulated, there are students and teachers who cry over parting ways.
However, congratulations on the graduation ceremony remain the same.
I try to feel “happy” for every milestone in my life.
So, congratulations on your divorce too.
In Buddhism, it is said that the mind is impermanent.
Thoughts and feelings are temporary customers passing through the mind.
When the movie is over, the screen returns to a white cloth.
Just like that, sadness, anger, and loneliness will always pass away.
Also, if you look closely at every moment of the day or even within a minute, customers are actually frequently gone.
There are frequent moments during the day when the mind is quiet and calm.
So don't worry.
Even during funeral breaks, the moment you open the PET bottle lid, you forget your sadness and concentrate on your hands.
I have a new heart every moment, and a new self every moment.

I read it.
You've decided to get divorced, but it's very painful, isn't it? I don't know the details, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think you made that decision because of your husband's attitude and attitude, but I think there are times when that makes you hesitate. Since they're human, they can also be hesitant.
If it's possible, maybe it's okay to try living away for now and think about it carefully.
That's because it's still a big deal for you and your husband.
You also have your own future ahead of you. Please try to calm down and think calmly.
I will support you from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree

loss of what has been built. Choices to regain oneself and be happy

Up to this point, efforts have been made so that they can become life partners. There will be a sense of loss about time spent and shared. It's different from how I feel about him.

It's a loss for what you've built. Right now, my obsession with what I lost is greater than a fresh start.

But that's what's been hurting you until now, isn't it? I no longer had expectations for what I had built. The time I spent also hurt me a lot. The guy you should have lived with was no longer able to take care of you.

Help with household chores right before the divorce. children's stories?
What you wanted or what you were appealing for wasn't there. They have despised your existence without listening or snuggling up to you.

That's right. You were in pain. I'm hurt. Even when we were together, we were crying.

Your decision and divorce is a choice for regaining yourself and becoming happy. I support your step.

From now on, I hope I can look up and meet you with a smile.
I've been supporting you since Hasunoha.

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