The future with an intractable lover

I'm indebted to you. I would like to be able to borrow wisdom from the monk, and I hope you can consult with me for the first time in a long time.

I have a lover I met a few months ago and have been in a relationship for about 2 weeks, and that person has a disease registered as an intractable disease designated by the country.
Due to the effects of the disease, lovers are completely unable to hear in both ears. Also, I lost sight in my right eye.

I knew from the beginning that I was deaf, and I never bothered about it when we were in a relationship. We can communicate in our own way without problems, and other than not being able to hear, nothing is different from me.
However, I was told the name of the disease that caused deafness about a week ago, and I am shocked that it was a more difficult illness than I had imagined.
There seems to be a realistic possibility that you will fall into quadriplegia in the future or die early. Since it is a very rare disease, there are few patients and research cases, and the progression of the disease cannot be predicted, but there also seemed to be data that the average life expectancy is in the mid-30s. My lover is now 23 years old.

They are extremely kind and cheerful, and they are very nice people. My personality and values are right for me, and in that sense, “this person is the only one!” I feel it. However, when I think about the disease progressing in the future, I feel uneasy about the future.
Currently, I don't want to break up. I love my lover, and my lover loves me, and if I imitate throwing things out, I'm sure I'll live with guilt and regrets until I die. However, I'm not prepared to just take on a sad future that will come with a high probability. It makes me wonder how good it would have been if they stayed healthy.

I would be happy if you could lend me your wisdom on how to sort out your feelings and how to deal with them in order to continue dating your lover. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

“Being prepared to love that person and being prepared to live beyond that”

Thank you, Sui, for your consultation.
I'm reading a sentence,
I am more than the disease itself
It's inside SUI
“This is the only person”
I was curious about the word.

The fact that you care about your lover is very conveyed.
but at the same time,
I want you to think about one thing.

That is, if the disease actually progresses,
Assuming that you break up with your lover one day,
Will Sui be able to live her life after that?

This might sound like a very tough question.
However, before I was prepared to face my lover with an intractable illness,
I think it's more important to be prepared for this.

No matter who you are
One day I'll break up with someone important to me.
Is that due to illness,
I don't know if it was an accident or old age.

What's different is that in the case of Sui's lover,
I can see that reality a little closer.

If “I can't live without that person”
If so, love and dependency may have begun to mix.

However,
“It will be sad then. But I'm still going to live”
If you think so,
I feel like that love will be freer and kinder.

So I
I don't think I need to decide on my life right now.

However, “can we support them until the end of their lives?”
Before you think about it,
“Will I be able to move on with my life even after this person is gone?”
Please think about it.

After facing that question,
If you still want to be together,
After that, rather than continuing to fear the future,
I think we should do our best to do what we can now.

Please talk a lot.
Please laugh a lot.
Please make lots of memories.

Rather than living ahead of future sorrows,
Live this day with care.

I wish Sui happiness.

The feeling of thinking about each other is important

I read it.
That person has an intractable illness, and you are very anxious, aren't you? I don't know the details about you or that person, but it really conveys your feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
That's because it's probably not easy to understand about the illness, including the future. I think it's natural for you to feel uneasy.
You also like that person and want to be with them, and that person also likes you and wants to be with you, so please cherish that feeling.
There are diseases and disasters in our lives, and there are also various disabilities. Under such circumstances, we live while helping each other.
I'm sure you and that person are like that.
I sincerely pray that you and that person will continue to be blessed with encounters and relationships with many people, and that you will be able to carefully care for each other and live a rich and happy life from the bottom of your heart. And I wholeheartedly support you and that person. We wholeheartedly agree

I don't know either

It's a hot topic all around me,
Is it better to know when to die, or is it better not to know?
It's an extremely difficult question, and the answer is different for each person.
Personally, wouldn't someone who knows be able to plan various things and do what they like? I think, but there are also people who say it's scary to know when to die.
As for your question, “I feel uneasy only because I know death to some extent”
It may only be about 10 years, and I think that sense of anxiety is unbearable.
I think it's important how Sui and her partner spent those 10 years and what kind of future they are thinking about.
It's been a few months since I got to know my partner, 2 weeks since we started a relationship, and 1 week before I was told the name of my illness.
Of course, the other party knew that life expectancy was not long due to her own illness, and even so, SUI told her. You've probably been really worried about whether or not to tell them for a week.
I presume that the other party was thought that Sui would be able to overcome it together and accept it.
I think that being able to discuss with each other why they told me the name of the disease and what they would like to do in the future is one reason for relieving anxiety.

There is no way to live in the data. The future is something you draw yourself.

They are important people I love, so they are facing difficulties, and I almost lose to their size.

Even though I want to support them, I want to love them, but my anxiety only swells.

I hate intractable diseases. You'll make him suffer and cast a shadow over their future.

The data will also be helpful. However, there is no way to see how the parties involved lived.
Was everyone in despair? There are probably people who were loved by their families, met their lovers, and lived while making their lives shine to the fullest.

No one knows how long life is. No matter what kind of person it is. Even if the data contains symptoms or reactions, it does not affect that person's way of life.

Farewells and deaths happen to everyone. for you too. Then how do you live? What kind of life would you like to live with him?

I don't think it's about length of time or age. I think it makes you happy to live with the people you need, no matter what the circumstances are.

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