The feeling of myself going through my head is unfortunate

Thank you very much for your consultation. Thank you so much for your hard work over the years.
You're blaming yourself for feeling that “I can have time for myself” and “my life will improve” in response to the possibility that your mother-in-law will be admitted to the facility, saying it's unfortunate. However, there is absolutely no need to feel guilty about that feeling.

If you keep doing your best for someone else, you will unknowingly lose your mental and physical leeway. The feeling of relief you have had this time is definitely not because you are cold, but it shows how heavy your burden has been up until now. This change in the situation is a “meeting” brought about by the prayers you have repeated so far, and please think of it as an important “relationship” for each other to live better.

You can be honest with yourself and accept the situation with pleasure. It is only when you have room in your heart that you can be kind in the true sense of the word to others. From now on, I should be able to snuggle up to my mother-in-law, who spends time in a safe place called a facility, with peace of mind and a smile.

There are probably conflicts that only come from having lived together for so many years. However, first, please honestly accept your own “improvement in life” and give them plenty of mental and physical care.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

[Answer]

Thank you so much for taking care of my mother-in-law over the years.

First of all, I bow my head to the fact that it has been supported up to this point.

I also continued to assist and care for my parents for about 10 years, and finally decided to go to a facility.

At that time, I had a strong conflict just like you.

“Can I ask the facility?”

“I think I can still watch it at home.”

I asked myself this question over and over again.

I also run an osteopathic clinic, so I'll talk a little bit about medicine.

Femoral neck fractures due to falls in the elderly are not uncommon.

After that, walking ability declined drastically, and many people live in wheelchairs.

The physical burden on the caregiver, such as defecating and bathing, is also very large, and even family members may hurt their lower back or fall.

That's probably why professionals are recommending the facility.

What supported me in my final decision was a word from my care manager, who was indebted to me for so many years.

“Home care is already difficult.”

After hearing those words, I finally made up my mind.

Asking for a facility is never an abandonment.

It means choosing an environment where both the mother-in-law and the family can feel safe and secure.

and

“I can take my own time.”

Please don't blame me for thinking so.

It is a feeling that springs naturally because they are people who have been dealing with nursing care for many years.

You've worked hard enough.

From now on, I think it's okay to focus on your own life just a little bit.

Go ahead and treat yourself.

I think that time is also an important time for the rest of my life.

Gassho

I read it.
Your mother wasn't injured and you now have to enter the facility, and although it's remorseful if you do it with you, the burden on you will also be reduced. You have doubts about yourself in response to the fact that you feel relieved with that in mind. I don't know the specific situation or about you, your mother, or everyone in your family, but it conveys your feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I think you've done your best until now to do what you can. I think she didn't take care of her mother as much as possible.
There were probably various incidents where the mother was moved to the facility because she wasn't injured. So I don't think you should feel burdened by that. And isn't it okay for you to honestly acknowledge yourself?
First of all, please be proud of your hard work up until now and take care of yourself. And please heal your heart and reset your feelings.
Also, let's continue to deepen our relationship by visiting them regularly after the mother is admitted to the facility.
I sincerely pray that you and your mother will be able to live every day healthily while cherishing your relationship with your mother and everyone from now on, and that both you and your mother will be able to live a fulfilling life that you have been given. We wholeheartedly agree

My mother-in-law suffered a broken bone and was hospitalized. It's something I'm worried about, but I have no choice but to rely on medical care and welfare. It is impossible to replace this current situation, and both your family and you have their own environments. There's no way you can pick the right answers, such as what to prioritize. That's why I'm worried, isn't it?

Unexpected events have continued for you over the past few years, haven't you? Thank you for your hard work. We hope to be like this, and even if we strive for it, changes will occur in this world. You can't stop now. No matter how much you ask for it, it's not going to work that way, is it?

The way out of this suffering is to never get attached to what you are looking for. Rather than trying hard at anything, it's about not losing sight of yourself and living by looking at the here and now. Your mother-in-law has her way of life, and there is a place for you to live.

Also, not only the family, and in particular, not only the wife is responsible, and priority is given to relationships that each can cherish. Otherwise, you won't be able to think of me.

Receiving regional comprehensive support centers and welfare services is also a safe environment for mothers-in-law.

The fact that “the burden is drastically reduced” and “I have time for myself” meant that a burden was placed on you, and you weren't able to have time for yourself, right?
Prioritize relationships you can cherish. I didn't even have that. Well then, it must be stifling.

Taking care of someone is different from sacrificing yourself, isn't it?
Let's join hands with more support.