I want to know how to be happy

Thank you for sharing your spectacular experience.

When I was young, the presence of my father, whom I should have felt safe with, was a subject of fear.

I think that suffering was so deep that I couldn't even imagine.

If you're told to “forget it” and “throw it away” and you're forgotten, no one will suffer.

You went to the temple for advice precisely because it was painful, wasn't it?

Nevertheless, it was very disappointing that those feelings were not fully received.

I don't think it's necessary to force forgiveness.

Buddhism is not a teaching that forces emotions to death.

It is a teaching that acknowledges that there is suffering and values how to deal with that suffering.

I myself have experienced disputes with my relatives.

There are things you can't forgive even if you think “I'm going to forgive.”

There are things you can't forget even if you think “let's forget it.”

So I chose to keep my distance for myself.

It's not for your opponent.

This is to protect my heart.

It doesn't matter if feelings of resentment spring up.

However, it would be very wasteful to let that feeling control your mind all day long.

“Oh, I was fascinated by this incident again.”

If you notice that, try returning your consciousness little by little to your current life.

As you repeat it over and over again, little by little, your heart will be able to distance itself from the wound.

Happiness doesn't mean forgetting the past.

Even if there is a past, I think the amount of time you can spend peacefully today will gradually increase.

Please don't be impatient.

You've suffered more than enough so far.

From now on, please live to protect your own heart.

I believe that the Buddha is quietly watching the steps.

Namu Amida Buddha

You have a painful past and background, don't you think?
I also had a difficult time.
Nevertheless, I think it was thanks to Buddhism that I was able to survive.
Now, we can't change the past, and we don't know what the future will hold.
At most, we can only control one second in front of us.
The Jodo sect explains that anyone who chants Namu Amida Buddha and Nembutsu can pass away in the Pure Land of Paradise.
Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu
Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu
The moment you nembutsu is a time to feel happy, confirming that you have a ticket to the Pure Land of Paradise, that the Buddha promises a happy ending to your life, and that you are illuminated by the Buddha's light of salvation.
We amplify our unhappiness, anger, and sadness when we expand our past, future, and delusional thoughts about ourselves and others.
However, such delusional distractions are customers who temporarily visit their minds.
Speaking of the Jodo sect, the master of the heart is the Nembutsu of “namu ami dabu namu amidabu.”
Clouds that hide the moon can't destroy the moon.
When the clouds pass by, a quiet full moon comes out.
The mind is impermanent.
When the movie is over, the screen returns to a white cloth.
Thoughts and feelings come and go moment by moment, disappearing, and changing.
So, every moment a new heart, a new self.
Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu
Let's also chant Nembutsu and return consciousness from delusional customers to a quiet “1 second here and now” like a full moon.
Every single second, a new life begins.
After that, lie down on your back on a futon or floor, stretch out to your heart's content, and take a deep breath.
Try stretching around your shoulder blades and hips, and stretching your toes too.
Let's relax our muscles and circulate oxygen.
“Don't be delusional” is difficult, so it's easier to do “what what to do” instead, such as “let's do nembutsu” or “let's take a deep breath or stretch.”

I read it.
You've been deeply hurt by your father until now because you've been abused so badly. You've deeply hated your father, and you've been thinking about whether you're going to die or your dad is going to die. Under such circumstances, you're really worried about not being able to get involved with people. I don't know the details about you, your father, or the people around you, but it really conveys your painful feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

I've been living like that until now, and it's hard to trust people, and I don't think my anger or hatred for my father will go away.

Please put your hands together with the Buddha, God, and your ancestors and tell them as they are; please sincerely confess the thoughts that overflow from within your heart and things up until now to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors one by one.

The Buddha, gods, and ancestors will take each and every one of your thoughts firmly, accept your painful feelings, and stay close to your heart.
The Buddha, gods, and ancestors always watch over you kindly. The Buddha, gods, and ancestors will guide you so that you can live a happy and safe life from the bottom of your heart.

My relationship with my father is a bad relationship. Your father is a bad person who hurt you and many others; it's a crime. So let's get rid of the bad relationship with your father once and for all.
Let's move away firmly from your father's malice, insults, and misdeeds and cut them off. I don't think it's necessary to get involved at all.
My father has repeatedly committed such misdeeds, and he always sees Buddha, gods, and ancestors. Dad will continue to receive compensation for the crimes he committed himself.

You can stay away from bad relationships and misdeeds and live your life with peace of mind.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that you can leave such a bad relationship and survive by sharing happiness with your loved ones with peace of mind and sincerity.

It wasn't easy to escape abuse and violence, and I think I had no choice but to put up with it in fear, which was really painful, wasn't it?

If someone were aware of SOS... and if they were treated in such a way that they would be thrown out even if they reached out with SOS, no one would be able to believe it because of the second damage. It must have been frustrating and deeply hurt.

Are you currently living apart? First, I would like you to evacuate to a safe place. If you seem to be experiencing abuse or violence even now, please contact us here.

・Your chat consultation (Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare support information search site・24 hours anonymous)
・More convenient hotline (toll-free telephone SNS consultation)
・Police number 110 in case of emergency
・Police consultation hotline #9110 (available 24 hours a day)

And you are a party to ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience). Strong stressful experiences in abused and dysfunctional families are traumatizing even as adults, and have an impact on social life. What hurts you even now is not your fault; it is your father who hurt you, and because of that, you are related to difficult situations.
People who suffer from ACE are called “ACE survivors.” There are organizations such as “ACE Lab” and “Onara,” which support survivors and disseminate information. There is also an “ACE Survivors Net” where parties meet and hold events.

Everyone has the right to be taken care of and to be happy. There's no reason for you to be oppressed.
The Buddha cherishes and cares for each person's life.

It's already the limit for you to take care of yourself, and it's exhausting to live, isn't it? Let's stay connected in this way. I want to be on your side. I'm with you in your suffering.

If you have a safe and secure place to stay, you will definitely be happy.