Tough parenting

You really do your best to spend time with your kids every day. There's no need to blame yourself if you can't laugh in front of your kids while both mentally and physically wear out. You are by no means a “machine that gives birth to and raise children,” and you are a precious human being with emotions.

Now, as for the consultation, now is not the time to make a hasty decision on the two extreme choices of “endure” or “leave.” Right now, above all else, the top priority is to build a breakwater to protect your own mind and body through realistic countermeasures.

Take the plunge and keep a physical and mental distance against excessive interference from your mother-in-law. Even if you get in touch, you don't reply right away, and you can administratively declare, “My hands are full of childcare, so I will respond only on weekends,” and turn off smartphone notifications. Preserving your own peace of mind will eventually lead to protecting your precious child.

Also, let's stop making vague requests to “help” your husband. Please clearly indicate specific tasks and times, such as “I'll put you to sleep, so please wash and clean the bath in the meantime” and “tomorrow morning will be my free time, so I'll leave that up to you during that time.” If he insists on “time for himself,” you should be given exactly the same amount of free time.

Please first be close to your own heart and take care of it, just like putting your hands on the Buddha. Use all the means you can use, such as cutting corners on housework and temporary childcare, to reduce realistic burdens. I sincerely hope that you will be able to regain some space in your heart.

Worship
Engiji Temple Shakujo

If this is a consultation from your husband, I will respond harshly to him.
My husband is too stupid.
However, since this is a consultation from you, I will answer within the range that you can control yourself.
Anger causes stress.
I know very well that your husband and mother-in-law are bad, but even so, if you don't let your anger drag on, you can reduce your own stress.
Even if my husband doesn't help me raise children, even just a small amount of help, it's “better than nothing.”
Unfortunately, in Japan, single-parent households also have a high poverty rate, and if you get divorced and separated, the cost of housing, home appliances, etc. will be charged separately, so the cost performance is good even if you are just married.
The way of thinking about mothers-in-law is also old, but there is a possibility that it will be even more difficult if you don't have a mother-in-law and you have a complete one-on-one operation.
I have no choice but to look at it as if even a tattered car is better than not running.
If you prolong delusional thoughts about the past, future, or yourself or others, anger and sadness will increase.
Don't fall into a daze of thought amidst the same information.
I think it's okay to try meditation or mindfulness.

I read it.
I see... my husband is selfish, and my mother-in-law only talks about her own priorities and pushes me on various things. I don't know the details about you, your husband, or your mother-in-law, but I feel like I understand that you are having a very hard time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
My husband prioritizes his time and doesn't help me raise children, does he? While you're raising children alone, your mother-in-law interferes in various ways, and you probably really don't like it. Your painful feelings come to mind.
It may be quite difficult to convey your thoughts and feelings, but after all, be sure to tell your husband firmly first and cooperate to raise the child.
Also, be careful not to talk to your husband about your mother-in-law's remarks.
Your husband may not care much about your mother-in-law's words and actions, but ask her to take into account your feelings and encourage your mother-in-law to be considerate.
Also, I think it's okay to talk to people who support you in various ways about your thoughts. Talk to gynecology doctors and nurses, counselors and support staff at child and family support centers, and health insurance center counselors and ask them to accept your thoughts.
You're never alone; there are lots of people watching and supporting you and your child.
Talk to various support staff about raising children with your husband, receive various advice, and ask them to make improvements.

I sincerely pray that you can receive support from many people, help each other with your husband, and raise your children healthily, and that you can live a truly rich and fulfilling life with many people. And I wholeheartedly support you, your husband, and your children.

First of all, I congratulated Riri on her birth.

It must be cute. It's a miracle time. Please take good care of your time with your kids.

well,
Even though I have children, there are times when I get home late, and I can't stop listening to them...

My husband says he can't do his best to raise children if he doesn't have time for himself?

Maybe it wasn't originally suitable for raising children.

Even if you try to make free time, if you don't help, it's just an excuse for abandoning childcare.

One operation every day... Riri, don't overdo it.

Why don't you invite your real mother to the house?

At times like this, it's best to call them.

Keep a physical distance from your mother-in-law's excessive interference.

After giving birth, it's easier to call your real mother rather than your mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law is nothing but stress.

Also, other than having it, such as eating meat or putting out breast milk when it comes out.

Contacting me twice a week is exhausting.
Honestly tell them that their hands are full of one-op
It means that the phone won't answer.

There is, there is, but it's fine if it isn't.

“Thank you for giving birth to my grandson,” I want to say before your grandson, that it's my child.

Riri isn't a machine to give birth to and raise children.

I can't believe my husband is on my mother-in-law's side too...

The child plays the leading role, or to put it more, Riri is the leading role.

I can't understand that they both have sad faces.

There is nothing to endure in order to have a happy time.

You can also hire a babysitter 1 or 2 days a week.

Meanwhile, I'll take a break from housework.

Don't answer your mother-in-law's phone. If they say anything, blame it on your condition.

Husband, let's take a closer look.

It's a good idea to make them take charge so that child worries come out even a little bit.

Even if it's not every day, change diapers, clean up, do laundry (just push the switch) make milk (if it's mainly breast milk, there's no problem even if you let them drink milk too)

Breast milk is blood, so it exhausts physical strength.

Once baby food has started, let's ask them to make baby food too.

There are so many things that even men who aren't good at housework can do.

You can even put them to sleep.

It's best to be specific to men.

Let's not keep being told, let's keep insisting.

She's already a mother of a lovely child!
There's nothing to be afraid of!

I'm supporting Riri from the bottom of my heart.

Then you get tired every day, right? Child-rearing is a 24-hour system, and there is no time to take a break, and they watch over small lives and raise them. The wife is not the only one who works hard; they are the couple's children, so I want my husband to cooperate as well. I don't think they really understand how much child-rearing is.

I want time for myself. I can't do my best to raise children. I want to say something sweet. My wife doesn't have to take a break from doing it every day. I don't even have time for myself! I just want to say that. If you can't do it, I want her to show an attitude of caring for her and supporting her just by doing what she can. When my husband is in such a state, it feels heavy even when he comes home from work.

I also had one-op childcare, so it conveys your frustration. Even if it's tough or tired, it's only because you can't escape that it's painful, isn't it?

Also, the mother-in-law's support is nothing but unnecessary intervention, so I'm wondering when they will bring up childcare. I'm thankful that you love my grandson, but my mother is me, and when I decide about myself, I want to say it all over again. It makes me think inwardly what a child-rearing professional is and that I haven't been able to educate my son.

It conveys your pitiousness and frustration. I also once said something crazy to my mother-in-law. I'm frightened by a surprisingly strong wife.

You should go your own way. If you take anything, they'll talk about childcare, education, practice, and even entrance exams. That's because raising your child as a mother is the best. Please feel confident.

In my case, it was the childcare circle that helped. Interacting with moms around the same age was very encouraging and reassuring because I was able to obtain reliable information and were in a similar situation. Even now, 20 years later, we are still connected and are close mom friends.

No matter what my mother-in-law says, “My friend taught me, so it's fine. I'll check it out by looking it up here.” Gradually, my mother-in-law didn't care about us, and I was invited by my mom's friend to go out to community activities and events such as child-rearing clubs, and my feelings were quite mixed up.

I want you to expand your support and connections outside of your home, too. That's because smiles naturally come out, too. The kids are on mom's side too.

Please talk to Hasunoha about anything.