I don't want to live in my new house and I'm depressed

I have a 5-month-old daughter who lives in Tokyo.
My home made me depressed. Please help.

Currently, I live in an apartment and there are no elevators, and since climbing and descending stairs with a stroller or daughter is dangerous, I saw about 15 properties when I was 2 months old.
I saw a newly built detached house and a second-hand condominium, but while there was nothing to come up with, my husband got impatient and signed a land contract while being rushed by sales.
I was also swept away because the location was good, and I paid a deposit of 3 million yen within the same day. If I think about it now, it's suspicious to be rushed that much, and I think I would have stopped it if it wasn't for me who lacked sleep after delivery.
However, even though I thought I had a bad feeling, time passed because I was being chased by my daughter's care, the handover of the land was over, my daughter's childcare had settled down, and when I did various research, conditions that made me think I would never want to live came up one after another, and I couldn't sleep at all, and I became depressed. It's currently in the design stage, but I'm desperate to cover the bad conditions, it's not fun at all, it's wasted money, and I just think that second-hand condominiums would have been good if this were the case.
The conditions are so bad that it is difficult to sell or lend. However, since it is clearly stated in contracts and drawings, it is impossible to sue. My husband decided to buy it without reading it at all.

I've thought hundreds of times that I wish I could go back to that day.
I wasn't supposed to go shopping for properties right after giving birth. I should have looked into deposit abandonment. I should have talked to a friend who is a real estate agent. If it wasn't after delivery, I would never have made that kind of decision as usual.
It doesn't seem pitiful to have a daughter growing up in such a house.
I also don't feel motivated for my future life, and I want to die.
My parents taunted me that it would be nice just to be able to buy land in such a place and build a house, and that if you get depressed because of this, you'll get divorced, and the relationship deteriorated. My relationship deteriorated with my parents-in-law for the same reason.
No one understands how you feel.
I've had many fights with my husband, and since we just have no choice but to live, my husband is laid-back.
I also thought about taking out a loan and buying a new house, but it's difficult because I became depressed.
I lost my personality due to depression, and my daughter's cuteness is the only thing that supports my heart, but I continue to want to die every day.
My husband is a very good husband and a good father, so I'm not thinking about divorce. It was easier if I wanted to get divorced...

3 Zen Responses

Let's look at things other than home and feel the peace and happiness that is there

Bad conditions came up one after another, didn't they? Just because I thought it was my happy home, it would be sad and frustrating, and everyday life would be stifling when I thought I would have to live here for the rest of my life.

Your obsession is important, but it seems like it's also causing suffering. Even after thinking about various ways to improve it, it seems that they are at an impasse now, but I am blessed with a family with a good husband and a cute daughter. In the future, not only the home, but also the environment will change. Views and values about homes and ways of life may also change. Relationships will change as your child grows. The surroundings that surround you and yourself will surely not stay where you are.

If that's the case, why don't you put the current problem aside for a while and concentrate on childcare and time with your husband right in front of you? Your mind is probably getting tired more easily due to depressive symptoms. That's why I feel like I want to die.

Let's look at things other than home and feel the peace and happiness that is there as well. Why don't you rest your mind and body like that? The presence of a husband and daughter should be irreplaceable happiness.

What is important to you

I read it.
I read that you are very sorry and troubled. I don't know the details about you or everyone, but I understand your painful feelings from the bottom of my heart.

I feel like I can also understand how much you regret it.
That kind of thing still happens in our lives, doesn't it? There are times when I think I've made a decision and then failed.
Please keep that in mind from now on.

What matters to you? I think it's probably my child or my husband. I think you're living a happy life with your loved ones right now.
There are no comparisons, but you are still living a happy life with all of you. Please don't forget that.

As for the house, it's a temporary home. If you have trouble living, you can sell your house again.
Conversely, I don't think there is a house that satisfies everything. That's because human greed is impenetrable.

I sincerely pray that you and everyone will continue to take care of each other and live a happy and happy life together. We wholeheartedly agree

Delivery shop Deshavery with negative consciousness in the mind- 📦　

What is painful about being a human being is having an assertive self.
The way to be comfortable as a human being is to be strict with your assertive self.
A sense of speaking out no matter what you do, making a fuss about your thoughts, and being excited. A sense of interruption.
This guy is the real culprit who is hurting you.
This guy paints paint with negative feelings, as if making bad claims about everything he encounters. It's the olore that's in everyone's heart, it's Atashiatashi consciousness.
That thrilling action differs from person to person.
In order to notice this, it's a good idea to carefully observe comedians and TV commentators who say things they don't need. It's not to criticize those people separately; people can't easily look at their own negative consciousness, so they do it indirectly, objectively, from the perspective of a third party, to notice their own internal boastful consciousness.

That jaw-dropping sense of desavarie always delivers irritating thoughts.

Ego, ego, self first.
I say a lot of bad things if they don't turn out the way I want them to.
It is said that the more conscious people are, the easier it is for people to become mentally ill. That's because it's going to be full of things that don't go the way you want.
People who have low or no such awareness are humble and have a greater sense of appreciation.
That's because my heart doesn't get bogged down, so I can accept anything gratefully.

This is a hypothetical story, but even if you can never compare them, there are 100 people, and even if 100 people have experienced a life exactly like you, there are dozens of people who encounter events that are bad for you, and nothing. Why is that?
They have no sense of self, sense of self, sense of interruption, prior expectations, or prior requests/demands/claims that take precedence in their hearts. That's why you can experience the facts you encounter today in a brand new and fresh way.

You also have a long life ahead of you, so you need to be the first to notice the adverse effects of that arrogant consciousness in your mind and devise ways so that you don't put that consciousness in the front row.

Since ancient times, people have been doing zazen meditation to destroy the boastful “ego” that lurks within everyone's mind.

People who really try to take care of themselves treat themselves so that their heart is fine.

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