Parents' conflict over naturalization and change of surname

I'm half time during the day. Recently, the situation between Japan and China is bad, so there is talk within the family about my father becoming naturalized and changing his surname to a Japanese name. My mother seems to want my father to naturalize and change my last name before I and my sister get a job, but my father seems really at a loss.
My dad asked me many times what I wanted to do, but I don't know. My Chinese surname is proof that I have always lived my life as myself. It may sound like an exaggeration, but it's my identity and it's important to me. However, I can clearly feel the strength of the public's influence on China. It's sad that someday it won't have an adverse effect on our lives, but I know it's impossible to say.
My father and mother have been arguing about this lately. Marital fights up until now were something you could understand by talking about them, but it seems like they don't even have a clue that they can understand each other at all when it comes to this matter. I don't want to assert that my mother doesn't understand, but I don't think my mother can understand my father's conflict even if I run out of words. My mother thinks of my father and my Chinese roots as parts that can be cut out if it's inconvenient, and I'm sure I can't understand the pain that occurs when we separate them as something sensory.
I think there's nothing better than being able to live the way I am, and I don't think my roots are something I should be ashamed of. However, I don't know if I think it's OK for my name or my father's nationality to cause me to be unfairly branded later. However, I'm angry at the way my mother says that she should hide her weaknesses in being Chinese.
My mother always says that it's a pity that we live under a surname known to the world that we have Chinese parents because of my father's pride. I feel really sad about that. I think my mother also looked down on me and my father for being Chinese after all. In the first place, my mother doesn't hide it in front of us that she doesn't like Chinese people, and it seems like she is weak enough to curse Chinese people if they fight with me or my father. So no matter how much we talk about it, the conversation with my father, who at least takes pride in being Chinese, is unsettled and only becomes emotional.
How should I organize my mind?

4 Zen Responses

Thank you for your question.
After all, I think it's important to respect each other's feelings.
Also, Chinese people who don't follow manners and rules are picked up in Japan on the news and the internet, but there are more Chinese people who abide by them than that.
Also, the teacher taught me Buddhism as a monk, and I am grateful because I was taught kanji and many cultures.
Also, when I was an office worker, I worked in China on business trips, and I am grateful to the Chinese people for their great support. There were Japanese people who said they should leave when eating at a restaurant, but that was only a small part of them, and most people were kind.
Also, Japanese people like the comics Kingdom and Three Kingdoms, and characters with Chinese names often appear in anime, so I don't dislike them. I just don't like people who don't follow some manners and rules.
So please take care of your feelings.

Please live with confidence

I read it.
I read that you are having a very difficult time in the midst of a fight between your parents. I don't know the details about you, your father, your mother, or everyone, but I can tell you that you are having a very difficult time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Currently, I think the relationship between Japan and China as countries is still in a bad situation. This is only due to disputes between nations, and there are no problems at all between individuals. As human beings, we have the right to live in peace while respecting each other equally without discrimination or prejudice. It is a permanent right guaranteed by international treaties and constitutions.
I think parents will be discriminated against or biased due to various external information, and they will be driven into a very difficult situation to live in, and they will become emotional and get into arguments.
However, there is no change in any way that you, your father, your mother, and all of you are irreplaceable and important people.
You and the fact that you have an identity is so precious. Please continue to live with confidence.
I try every day not to have such discrimination or prejudice at all, and since such foolish discrimination and prejudice are criminal, I don't think they can be forgiven.
No matter how many people we are, we can live our lives while trusting and helping each other equally.
Everyone has the right to choose their last name. It's good for each person to use a surname they think is preferable.
Dad, mom, you, and everyone can use whatever name they think is good. Discrimination or prejudice due to this is absolutely unforgivable.
Certainly, I think it's difficult to live in this world. Nevertheless, please live with confidence, everyone.
I sincerely pray that you and everyone can live with peace of mind without being silly discriminated against, and that you can live together with peace of mind, so that you can sincerely cherish and respect each other and share happiness.
And I wholeheartedly support you all. We wholeheartedly agree

Your name doesn't mean you lose your existence or identity

A “society” where families have such problems is sad, isn't it? No matter how they are born or how they live, they have “human rights”.
It is a right that all people are born with to live a happy, human-like life. Regardless of nationality, gender, age, disability, etc., it is something that no one can take away, and we must cherish each other.

The fact that you have taken a Chinese surname is an important identity, and you are probably also grateful to your ancestors and parents who raised you with pride. That's so great.

It's not as simple as saying father's pride, and it's not a story that can be changed right away because it involves the meaning and dignity of existence.

There is still strong prejudice and discrimination in the world. Also, unconscious assumptions and indifference have created many disadvantages and difficulties in life. That's probably why mothers think about their families and the future of their children, and wish they were naturalized and changed to Japanese names.

Actually, I don't want them to fight over this kind of thing. Even though it's for the family, it's sad that families get into fights, and I can only hope for an understanding society where people can get along as individuals rather than family registers.

One thing I can say is that just calling yourself doesn't mean losing your existence or identity. And no matter what kind of person I am, I don't change the way I feel about you. Similarly, there are probably people who share your values, whether Japanese or Chinese. Please don't forget that.

While telling your parents, I hope your family can find a path they are satisfied with.

Don't disdain your own pride to relieve someone else's melancholy

What controls the minds of people who discriminate is not logic, but emotion. They just find targets that seem safe to hit, and hit them with a difficult habit to relieve their own melancholy and satisfy their desire for approval.
The logic is an afterthought, so even if you are naturalized and have a Japanese-style surname, people who want to discriminate will come up with arguments such as “even if you naturalize, the contents are ○○ people,” “your real surname is ○○,” and “don't pretend to be Japanese.”
Previously, there was a former Chinese commentator who had already been naturalized in Japan, and on top of that, continued to make statements that were in line with people who had bad feelings about China, and was touted. However, as soon as that person tried to run for election, they received strong bashing, saying “because they are Chinese” and “because they are naturalized people,” and I saw news that they abandoned their planned candidacy from the political party. I thought it was a terrible story.
The only way to deal with people who discriminate in this way is to (1) stay away, and (2) not make them think it's okay to hit them.
There's no need to get into a fight, but I don't deal with people who make excuses, and they say, “Certainly, I'm a ○○ person, and my last name is ○○. What is that?” I have no choice but to show that attitude.
I think it would be a waste to disdain one's own pride in order to relieve the melancholy of others you don't really understand.
It's sad that there are differences of opinion within the family. However, on the one hand, if it is a family member, I think it is possible to discuss “up to this point” without dividing the deadline. We recommend that you don't give up and talk to each other often at home.

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