Please give a neutral answer

I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago.
Last Tuesday, when we had lunch together, they asked me about the atmosphere at work, and I said, “The person I hired recently retired without telling you anything. When I told them, “It's fine to say one word by phone or email,” my boyfriend said, “No, no, you wouldn't do that (phone call or email),” and in my heart, this person wasn't on my side. I'm a little nervous,
The next Wednesday, when I went on a one-day drive date starting in the morning, I started eating ramen for dinner, and I didn't like pork, so it was the type of restaurant that handed out meal tickets, so I said, “●● when handing over the meal ticket, do you ask your side to put pork in?” When I said, my boyfriend said, “Do I have to dare say it? Why do you think that? ' I was told, and after that, I didn't know what kind of conversation to have and I became silent, and the conversation went back and forth that night. Also, that night, I stayed at his house, and he started watching YouTube at a high volume, sighed a lot, and the next morning they asked me if he didn't like it and why I had that attitude (sigh), so when I was tired and wanted to take a good rest, but when I said that the loud volume on YouTube made it hard, he said, “Can't you say something a little more relaxed? They said, “We can't do it from now on,” and we broke up.
When we had a conversation before, he told me that the conversation would falter because the atmosphere of the conversation was like an old man, and I intend to make various improvements in my own way.
I apologized and reflected on this, even though I was directly told negative and slanderous things, but I felt like there was a problem on my side, probably because he said it softly so that he didn't get in the way, and I felt like there was a problem on my side.
Did they do something bad enough to reach a breakup?

4 Zen Responses

You want to seek neutrality

　Good evening. I wonder if the report on progress and the request to “respond to neutrality” are “not on either side”? I know that.
“Bad enough to lead to a break up?” When asked, “This is generally not the case,” even if they answered, “It's normal. Even if you answer, “It's common,” unfortunately, it won't help the relationship between the two of you.
Even if the monk complains that “it's terrible to break up because of that,” would he say, “Yes, it was my fault”... I don't understand.
or “That's common. Would you be convinced if you answered, “There's no way to do it?” “If the monk says it, it can't be helped.” I still don't know if that will happen.
In any case, what I can say is that “things are happening on a relationship between two people.” Not in general terms, but between you and him. Not between him and other women, not between you and other men.
So why do we want something from others? What's more, they remain “not cheering for either one.” Maybe it's “not about what to do with reality, I just wanted you to listen to it.”
If you just wanted to listen, I think that's fine too. However, if you want someone to judge “whether you were to blame,” I think it's better to stop for a moment.

Was it your fault or his fault for this break up? Once you've decided that, there's no guarantee that your relationship with the next person will go well. Rather than that, I look back on my side, saying, “What did I want him to know at that time” and “what was I looking for from him?” I think that way, there are many things you can take home from this relationship.

We just broke up, so it's natural that we can't sort things out right away. First, try putting it in your own words, “I didn't like this” or “I wanted you to be treated this way.”

Rather than receiving neutral answers from others, how would you take this incident yourself? I think that is more important to you in the future.

I wonder if attitudes towards misalignment and disagreement up until now have become an expression of dissatisfaction

Hmmm... I think there have been gaps and disagreements not just this time, but until now.

Even when I'm listening to your story, I think it's a trivial matter.
A topic from you. There are cases where people retire without permission. As a member of society, I think this is a good thing. It is generally good manners to verbally communicate your intention to retire to your direct supervisor at least 1 to 3 months before your desired retirement date. That's because the company has employment rules. I'm surprised that he thinks he doesn't have to do that. However, even with differences of opinion, if they can have a dialogue about why they think so, they won't leave either party dissatisfied.

Also, in the case of a ramen shop, if it is a place where you buy it with a meal ticket, asking people to go out of their way to bring in your own portion of pork will also confuse the kitchen, and there is also a risk that they will be viewed as a troublesome customer in order to ask for individual support according to such circumstances. If it were me, after ordering, I would gently divide the pork on a small plate and tell him, “Eat it if you like.”

And when it comes to his loud YouTube, I don't feel that he cares about spending time with you. His attitude is also disappointing, but your sigh is also ironic. Both, which, aren't they?

From this point of view, differences in opinions or differences in values are not a problem; they only point out and criticize those differences, and they don't have an attitude of caring for the other person. This doesn't mean which one is wrong, and I think it was an expression of dissatisfaction precisely because their love for each other had faded. I think attitudes about gaps and disagreements up until now have progressed to parting ways like this.

I read it.
I see... it was such an exchange and we ended up breaking up with him. I don't know the details about you and him, but I can tell you what you're wondering.
Maybe the feeling of respecting and caring for each other doesn't continue even when you and him are together. I think we're both tired because we don't have any mental leeway.
When I calm down and calm down and look back, I think it's a very trivial matter that doesn't fit.
Please take your time and look back at each thing, feeling, and situation again.

What's important in life for you and him?

The values were different

He thinks it's normal to retire without permission, and he's a person who doesn't mind bothering others.
In other words, they are people who don't mind hurting others for their own sake.
His values of right and wrong were different from yours, so maybe breaking up was the right answer.
Also, since he's like that, he's actually already found a new lover, and there's a possibility that he was aiming for the timing to break up with you.

← all dialogues ← previous next →