Strong sense of incongruity with “female/manly” clothes

My body gender when I was born and my gender identity from birth until now has always been female, and I don't mind being treated as a woman by people around me.
However, when it comes to clothing, there is a strong sense of incongruity with the phrase “the more feminine, the better a man,” and I'm very bad at being told such words or being bound by such words.
From around the upper grades of elementary school, I became bad at wearing extremely girly clothes, and I didn't wear skirts or pretentious clothes.
I feel disgusted when I imagine myself wearing clothes that look like girls (women) that everyone can think of, such as women's clothes that come up when I look them up, clothes that the actresses I see on TV, clothes that look like girls around me wear, etc.
But that doesn't mean I'm interested in masculine clothes or that I want to wear masculine clothes.
Recently, when I went shopping for clothes with my parents, I couldn't choose the clothes I wanted to wear, saying “this is cute, girl-like” or “because it's plain, boy-like...” and I ended up buying clothes recommended by my parents.
I don't understand why I have to dress like a girl, or why I, as a woman, should not choose clothes that don't look like a girl.

5 Zen Responses

Unconscious bias lies within the unconscious. An opportunity for dialogue.

Yes, you want to choose clothes you like and wear. I don't want you to apply anything to the “00-likeness” that people around you think. It's also something you don't know if the other person wants it or not.

The words “manly” and “feminine” and values narrow down an individual's personality and way of life, don't they? I'm bound by stereotypes.
The sense of incongruity you feel is exactly unconscious bias (unconscious assumption or prejudice), isn't it?

“Unconscious bias” refers to a “bias in the way you look at things” instilled from past experiences, surrounding environments, media influences, etc. without you being aware of it.

This is a pamphlet from Wakayama Prefecture that I used during my previous training.
https://www.pref.wakayama.lg.jp/prefg/501000/d00153192_d/fil/R7-ankon.pdf

What do your parents think about this? Why don't you talk about it?
There are also environments where people grew up from generation to generation, and when those values are taken for granted, there are times when we don't notice it. I wonder if it's easy to convey a sense of confusion and incongruity if there are materials in this way.

The important thing is not to dictate or impose. To that end, it would be nice if we could increase opportunities for dialogue and deepen mutual understanding.

Please wear whatever you like

I read it.
You're really worried about the fact that you look like a boy like a girl. I don't know the details about you, but it is very clear that you are worried like that.
How you feel and what you want to do is very important. So it's probably unnecessary not to dress like a girl, and I don't think it's necessary to dress like a man.
It is very important for you to live your life wearing clothes that you like and clothes that are unique to you. I don't really care what others think. That's because you don't have to wear what your parents decide.
Please prioritize your own preferences and values.

I sincerely pray that you will be able to live every day peacefully and richly in your own way, and that you will be able to choose your life to the fullest and survive. And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.

If you look at a wide range of men's and women's clothing from various countries, you can become free from the rules

There are countries where men wear skirts.
There are also countries where women wear brave clothes.
When it comes to the Nanchara tribe, it's more about clothes...

In any case, the rules of a tribe, nation, or country are human rules, group rules, and not the truth, so you are free.
There are no rules about what you have to eat today, so you can wear whatever clothes you like.
In terms of language, this is just the expression for men and women on the cloth.
You can put on clothes, cloths, and fabrics you like.

If you cut any kind of clothing into a handkerchief size, there's no such thing as men's or women's. Let's be familiar with things and try to be familiar with facts.

Your senses aren't wrong.

However, parents don't feel like that.
That's a shame.
However, we must not deny that parent's feeling either.

At the age where you get your parents to buy things,
It can be difficult to buy things you love.

Put up with it until it gets a little bigger,
But please keep refining that feeling.

Take advantage of the masculinity and femininity within you and enjoy it!

Rin-san, I also accept your questions.

There is a strong sense of incongruity with the words feminine • manly.

I'm really bad at being told such words or being bound by such words.

Japan, Korea, etc. tend to have strong lookism,

It's still ingrained in clothing, isn't it?

Clothing is also used as a tool for self-expression. I think it's okay to assert yourself.

You don't have to worry about people's eyes, and by taking it easy, your energy clears up.

Recently, women wear uniforms not skirts, but pants, loose neckties, etc., and look cool.

I don't know if it would be helpful,
If anything, I also have a strong masculine personality, so I usually wear blue shirts, denim, etc.
My hair is also getting shortcuts and handsome cuts now.

I also wear dresses, but somewhere, in a way that isn't too feminine, I wear military caps,

I enjoy mixed fashion.

That way, you can also enjoy fashion, and it will be easier if you enjoy the masculinity and femininity within yourself in various ways.

You can change your balance depending on the day, such as me, and there are times when you don't recognize women unless you take off your hat.

I think this method will probably relieve stress and make it fun.

By all means! Please try it ^_^

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