Trouble with colleagues

This is my first time consulting. My name is Kato.

I contacted you to discuss my relationship with a colleague at work.

I had a mental disorder in my first year as a member of society, decided on a day's work while consulting with my boss, and received consideration of leaving work on time when I finished it. My colleagues also knew about the situation, but at some point, people began to repeatedly say things like “people who return home on time even though they haven't finished their work,” “other people are more serious about their work,” and “it's interesting that they seem to have done something again when they talk to their boss.”

Also, when we were walking together, we were suddenly pushed on our shoulders because the distance was close, and stories about family and romance were presented in public at drinking parties, etc., so we gradually got tired and began to keep our distance. After that, my colleagues started talking to people around them about things like “they are disliked by Kato-kun,” “they are obsessed,” and “only they are isolated.”

Previously, I apologized on LINE for making me uncomfortable due to my actions, and at the same time told them that I didn't like it. There was an apology from the other party once, but the conversation was steamed back again at a later date, and it was explained that “the hand came out reflexively” about pressing on the shoulder. When I asked, “Why do you emotionally bring up a story where you once apologized again,” she said, “I have my own way of feeling. I was told, “If you think so, you can think without permission,” and I couldn't control my anger there.

As a result, I also sent words that hurt the other person's personality, such as “menhera,” “I'm really upset,” and “I know they're talking behind the scenes.” Even though I've been putting up with it for a long time, I regret that it was an expression I shouldn't have said.

I would appreciate your advice on how to deal with my anger and obsession without worsening the relationship any further in the future.
Also, since the trouble has become so relentless, would you talk to your boss who listened a lot last year?

4 Zen Responses

Not related to work

In the first place, trouble with a colleague is a story that has nothing to do with the nature of the job.
It's not about bothering to talk to my boss, and I don't need to talk about this with my colleagues any more.
You can just work casually and that's fine.
Thinking about things you don't need to think about causes worry, suffering, and stress.
Even if you don't get along well with your colleagues, there's no problem with your work if you don't care.
For example, on the other hand, it's the same if you like your co-workers too much.
I think it's better not to bother your boss with “things you don't need for work.”
Let's stop “delusional distractions” about the past, the future, ourselves, and others.
Let's also stop the “brazen circle of thoughts,” where people think the same things over and over again in the same information.
Don't think about things you can't help thinking about right now.
We salivate just by imagining the taste of lemon or pickled plums.
Thoughts are dangerous things that affect the body.
Delusions and distractions leading to worry, suffering, and stress can have an adverse effect on the body (brain and nerves), so reduce the frequency and duration.
Think of it as a waste to spend precious time in your life thinking things that make you feel bad.
Also, if delusional distractions break in during work, the speed of work will slow down, so be careful.
“Ah, this is a delusional distraction”
“Oh, this is just something I thought about; it's lemons and pickled plums that I don't have in front of me.”
Let's take notice and stop it.
There are certainly lemons and umeboshi in the world.
However, there is no need to think about lemons or pickled plums right now.
Incidentally, the fact that your coworkers worry about you (you go home on time even though you work overtime yourself, etc.) is still a delusional distraction about yourself or others.
My colleagues are also menhera reservists suffering from paranoid distractions.

Talk to your manager or manager

I read it.
I read that you are very worried because your relationship with your colleagues at the company has been strained. I don't know the detailed circumstances of you and that person, but it really conveys that you are worried about what to do. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I don't know the specific circumstances, and they probably have their own thoughts, such as saying or not saying. I think both you and that person have become very emotional and confused. Therefore, I think it will be difficult to repair it unless a third party enters.
After all, why don't you talk to your boss or manager thoroughly, have them listen to both of them, and then exchange opinions with you and that person. Instead of accusing or attacking one of them unilaterally, let's calm down and reflect on each one.
Relationships between people are burnt down, and I think there are good and bad things from time to time in life. Nonetheless, dialogue is very important.
You and that person will live in society from now on, and each will grow within society.
I sincerely pray that you and that person will be able to live healthy every day together, so that you can respect each other and grow healthily while being supported by many people.
And I wholeheartedly support you and that person. We wholeheartedly agree

There is also a risk that “consideration” will be received as “special treatment” by another person

There are so many words, actions, and attitudes that make you fall in love even though your colleagues also knew about the situation. Mindless behavior is hurtful and frustrating, isn't it?

You probably feel unreasonable in dealing with you, even from the way your colleagues behave. That's for the company. However, your dissatisfaction, which you cannot directly protest or give an opinion about, has probably been directed at you yourself.

There is also a risk that “consideration” will be received as “special treatment” by another person.

I think it is necessary to improve the work environment together while consulting with the boss without making this an issue for both parties.

Stay calm without getting emotional

First of all, you've been putting up with it up to this point.

If we meet face to face every day at work, I imagine that they would have felt bad every time.

As a result of that accumulation, they probably just became emotional.

However, let's change our way of thinking a little bit from now on.

If you get emotional, you lose.

Your purpose is

“Defeating your opponent”

but

“Getting them to acknowledge their own correctness”

But it's not there.

Try not to get involved with this colleague as much as possible.

This is the purpose.

If so, think of this as one project.

They move calmly to achieve goals, not emotions.

First, record the other person's words, actions, and attitudes.

When,
where,
Where who is
What did they say?

Being pressed on the shoulder.

Being ridiculed about my mental disorder.

They talked about families and romance in public.

What are people around you saying?

Please keep the facts as plain as possible.

It's about saving records such as LINE without erasing them.

There is no need to hide the fact that you yourself have said things like “menhera” or “I'm sick.”

There,

“I regret getting emotional and using inappropriate language.”

All you have to do is acknowledge it.

The important thing is to go from there on.

Something we can't do directly with each other anymore.

I don't even have a private LINE.

Don't talk more than necessary.

They casually communicate only what is necessary for work.

Also, talk to your boss who has listened to me before.

At that time, too,

“Please dispose of your opponent”

It's not

“We don't want our relationship to deteriorate any further. I want to reduce business contacts as much as possible, so I'd like to discuss it.”

I'll tell them.

I think this is fine.

When it comes to workplace relationships,

How to work peacefully rather than who is right

is more important.

I'm not trying to change my partner.

I'm not trying to get them to understand.

I'm not trying to win.

Your purpose is one.

Be quiet and keep your distance.

To that end, keep necessary records and consult with those who need them.

If you think of it as a project, I think you can calm down a bit.

What you reflect on, reflect on.

However, when it comes to protecting yourself, please be careful.

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