I want to change my way of thinking.
As always, thank you. Don't compare to people. Don't be impatient. But I want to be the kind of person who takes action towards marriage. I would appreciate it if you could take a look at the questions up until now.
A few days ago, I called an ambulance for the first time. The reason is that my palpitations became so severe that my whole body shivered and I couldn't stop. I think the reasons I can think of are that my real mother, who lives with me, was hospitalized and thought I had to do it properly, that they were betrayed by a former colleague they believed in, that they were heartbroken and started dating, that they couldn't see their future, that they couldn't think of meeting anyone again, work, etc. Also, due to psychogenic frequent urination for about 15 years, nervousness and desire to urinate are linked, and if you have any concerns, you may immediately take headache medicine, stomach medicine, etc. On that day, too, I drank a total of 4 types starting in the morning. On that day, too, I met someone I met for the first time and had a meal. I was tired from work, I wasn't enthusiastic, and I was nervous when I first met, and my palpitations became severe even before we met, and although we managed to eat, we ended up in a state where I first wrote it when I stopped by a convenience store after finishing. My father is also there, but I was already drinking alcohol at my parents' house, which is about 40 minutes by car, so I called my mother at the hospital, but my palpitations and tremors didn't subside, and I ended up calling an ambulance. The convenience store clerk was kind, and although they came by car, they were able to leave the car, so I was very kind and thankful. It calmed down a bit when the ambulance came, but there were waves too. The members of the team spoke kindly to me in the ambulance, and I calmed down. I had an electrocardiogram after arriving at the hospital, but since there were no abnormalities, I took a taxi home.
There is one woman I know who was about the same age as me when various things overlapped, developed depression, and was unable to get married. I'm very worried that will happen to me too. I know it's very rude to think so. The next day, I got a stabilizer at the hospital and decided to take it for 2 weeks anyway. What will become of me? I don't want to have panic disorder or depression. I'm worried that I'll be okay. I don't know how to accept myself as I am. Actually, I have a bright personality by nature, so I want to cheer up. It makes me want to die even though I don't want to die. I want to stay alive. If you respond harshly now, you will be depressed, so please be careful.