My mental and physical disorder doesn't go away and it's painful

I'm suffering from symptoms such as not being able to get into my head no matter how much I look back at the content of sentences and sounds, and even if I can barely understand them, it takes too long to understand them. I know it's causing trouble to people around me, but I can't improve it by any means.
I continued to endure it thinking that maybe it would subside soon, and even though it got worse, 2 years passed without anything getting better.
It has become particularly severe in the past 2 years, but this symptom itself was something I had since I was able to remember. Until now, I thought I was just being dumb, so I've never complained of symptoms to anyone or been diagnosed at a hospital.
It will be annoying if I continue to stay in my current workplace, and it's painful for me because I'm not comfortable at all, but it's scary that the same thing will be repeated even if I search for another job while having these symptoms.
Society is not good about the existence of people whose abilities are lower than average, and on top of that, they are not normal. I don't want to bother my family like this. I don't think they should be alive.

I don't know what to do every day, and I don't know where I made a mistake and what I should have done.
Everything I do now isn't going well, and when I think that no matter what I do, I'm going to fail, and when I think that everything I think is wrong, I'm afraid of taking any action when I think about being blamed for it.
Is there anything that will improve in the future? Is it okay to be alive?

4 Zen Responses

Makura-sama

Don't blame yourself at any time.
You're good to be there, and you're free.
You're amazing just the way you are.
Certainly, it may be necessary to be examined at a hospital.
But whatever the diagnosis, you're wonderful to be there.
Compared to others, what you can't do is individuality.
There are things you can do.
They just aren't aware of it.
So, in order to notice my true valuable personality and strengths
“If it's not my fault, I'm not responsible”
Please say it to yourself over and over again.
Then heal yourself, focus on compassion and kindness, and feel the warmth of your heart.
Try to feel as if your heart is warmed and filled with kindness, and wrapped in love.
And when I look at myself peacefully
For example, even if you have anxiety, you will notice yourself

You've probably had various painful experiences and painful experiences until now, and you've probably had problems.
All of these are factors that slow down brain function, freeze the mind, and stop acting.
However, when you show compassion to yourself, that frozen state melts away.
You will be able to take action in your own way.
Of course you can ask for help from others. Rather, it's easier to ask for.
You can just stay the way you are and shine.
I think so.

If you don't know how to be compassionate or aren't good at it, I'll help you. You can ask for help yourself. One bow

Please take good care of yourself

I bow my head to the sight of them working on their work even during a difficult time
Even though I have some kind of symptoms
If you can endure
It's very painful isn't it

If symptoms are severe, it may be a good idea to be examined at a hospital
It's not just about feelings, it's also conceivable that there are other causes
Feelings and bodies
If you achieve balance, you will move forward
Try not to cause trouble to the surroundings
Makura-san, who is working hard, is wonderful

Myself
I want you to cherish it

Why don't you calm down and take a deep breath?

First, the sentences are well-written.

Organize your current situation,

“What's happening”
“Why is this happening?”

They are thinking very hard about it.

So I don't think it's a “bad brain.”

Rather, right now, the inside of my head is full of anxiety, tension, and feelings of self-denial, and I think I'm in a state where the content of sentences and sounds doesn't come in.

It is said that it has worsened in the past 2 years, and if there has been a similar trend since the time you can remember, I think it is better to properly consult an expert once.

I recommend that you consult a psychosomatic medicine once.

If necessary, you will also be able to look at it, including developmental characteristics and attention/concentration issues.

What is more important than anything else

“I'm no good”
“You must not be alive”

It's about not drawing conclusions alone.

Just because things often don't go well right now doesn't mean that your own worth is being denied.

It might take some time.

But once you know the cause and trend, you can also see how to deal with it.

and

You can live.

Right now it's just “I don't know what to do.”

If you don't know, we can look for it together.

If it becomes so painful that you think “I'm going to hurt myself,” don't hold it alone and rely on family, close people, medical institutions, and emergency services.

It's fine.

Even now, you can prepare it little by little.

Gather a little bit of courage and take a medical approach so that the symptoms you have are relieving

I think it's a negative loop.
It seems like they are forcing themselves into trying hard or causing trouble for something that cannot be improved by any means. Since I continued to endure it, I think my symptoms have worsened.

There are things you can do, and there are things you can't do anything about. The right person in the right place. Let's have a medical examination. This is a positive medical examination to protect yourself without overdoing it. Even if you think “no matter what you do, you will be able to make choices that are easier to live by getting to know yourself.”

Gather up a little bit of courage and start taking care of yourself from a medical approach so that your symptoms are alleviated.

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