I don't know what to do

Even though I'm already in my late 20s, I haven't been able to get a proper job.

What I experienced in my previous job about bullying and betrayal when I was a student made me feel a lot of fear about my family, and I couldn't move forward no matter what.
Strange laziness in my head and heart right now
“People only do it for themselves. They only help others as if they were to earn points. So they can abandon or betray without worry.”
“If the scary things I experienced in my previous job were to happen at my next workplace, it would be terribly scary”
I have this thought and thought. Maybe because of that, even if I go outside in a state close to being locked up, I can't help but worry about people.

However, my family only says “do something” so much that they want to get a stable job.
I personally am afraid of people and workplaces and can't help it, so I want to be treated with a psychiatrist, etc., but I have almost no money and I can't go.
Even if I want to borrow it from my family, it says, “You're not mentally ill. You just think so because you don't want to work, so no treatment is needed.”
They applied for various jobs in such a state, but almost all of them were destroyed. Even so, the family only told them to lower their rank, so keep taking on the challenge.
If this state continues unwell for a while, my father dies and I feel scared.

Moreover, inside and outside the house, I can only do things that my father likes and approves of. Moreover, he even talks about my job hunting methods.
If I'm not good at housework, and my father doesn't like even my hobby, he says, “Stop it because I don't like it!!” There have also been times in the past where they came into my room yelling.
Moreover, even once, if there is a failure or something you don't like, it will take root, and depending on the content, it may cause trouble to others.
Of course, my father himself does whatever he wants, and he imposes various methods on me and my mother to do whatever he wants...
Because of that, at home, I basically live my life while being aware that my father won't be in a bad mood. For the time being, I objected, but in the end, it was just what my father wanted...

As for hobbies, there are almost no things I think are more fun than before due to various circumstances, and it's even a hobby that has been going on for close to 20 years
“I'm sure you love it, but it doesn't matter where it is”
“Doing it somehow”
I feel it.

There are so many things that I don't understand the translation anymore, and I don't really understand my true intentions.
Even though it's written like this, I don't think it's a few different places or that it's refreshing.

What should I do now?

4 Zen Responses

Please stop

It was a painful experience.

It's a long life, so let's stop and watch without thinking about anything.

There are so many things you can only see when you stop.

Let's have a nice talk with Dad too.

Why don't you talk with your mother and older brother, make a promise to your father at that time, and discuss things over and over

You have to be happy, and there's nothing wrong with taking a short detour from your long outlook on life.

To give you motivation

Even when I read it, “I tend to withdraw,” “laziness,” “my past when I was a student,” “I ask about my father's complexion,” “I can't trust others,” and “interpersonal fears”...
There aren't any factors that can motivate you.

When it comes to what to do, you have to think about “motivating” and “what to change first for that purpose.”

Personally, I'm obsessed with my father.
It's not very positive, and it's a negative person for Shiori.
This is a huge hindrance.

It can be recognized as one of the motivational tips.
It's a great encouragement to be acknowledged by someone that “you can do that.”
That role is largely due to family strength, but what is greater than anything else is acknowledging oneself.
Why don't we start with that?

Are there any actions that would make you recognize yourself right now?
If you don't have one, let's make one.
Clean your room, master your hobbies, one day at a time, etc...
And praise yourself positively.
“The room is shiny! OK myself!” “My hobby has improved a bit! Alright!”

On a different note, don't you have an image of boys getting up early?
If it's limited to myself, it doesn't mean I want to get up early (^^;)
If you keep living a self-depraved lifestyle when you say “let's act regularly,” that contradiction causes stress, and it's not persuasive, right?
Even if people who smoke say, “You should quit smoking!”, are they kidding me! It's like that, isn't it?

If you want to do it right, you have to start with a proper lifestyle and behavior.
It starts today! Please do your best!

It's a situation of blockage in all directions, isn't it?

I see that progress and retreat are in a tight state. You can't move forward or stop. Even though they say you're fine, they thoroughly interfere and deny it. There's no escape, is there? As for what to do, even though it's a short period of time, it's going to be a ridiculous amount of trouble for you, can you put up with it? First of all, I'm hungry that I'll definitely run away from this living hell. It's about being prepared. Even if it's hard, I try my best with the intention of dying. First, look for a job, and go to work no matter what kind of curse or criticism you receive. And earn 500,000 in 3 months to 6 months. Asking a guarantee company for a guarantor is a bit expensive, but I rent a weekday apartment and never let my family know where to go. I've been patient for 7 years, so I'll be patient a little longer. I'm an adult, so don't hesitate to start a new life there. I felt that the only way to escape my family, especially my father's spell, was to leave. I'm going to be patient now in order to be free. Also. Once we have enough money, let's go to the hospital properly. I wish you happiness. Jōkō-ji
PostScript
Just try to do it thoroughly. You have the blessings of gods and Buddhas. That's why so many monks came to cheer. Don't you think this is a miracle? It's fine! Also, please feel free to contact us anytime. It helps! I won't lose, I won't fall, I won't rest (laughs)

The right of humans to live a happy and humane life

Hello. It's painful not to be recognized no matter what you do. It can also be said that it is a state where there is no place to stay. That's discrimination. It's DV. Your father is stealing your human rights.

As for my father's theory, in one aspect, it can also be said that it's a sad fact. However, even though everyone is faintly aware of it, I think it is something we must face in order to create a better society.

It just so happened that there was a human rights workshop at the daycare center earlier. I was taught that human rights are “the right for humans to live happily like human beings.”

What your father is doing is a violation of human rights. Don't take your father's theory seriously.
You have your life and your human rights.
In society, of course, there are people who are disgusting, but there are also people who are just as good.

Don't stop believing.
Other people, and myself.
What is correct is cultivated through study and experience on one's own.

I can't talk normally with someone who shouts out of their head. After all, I think I need to get away from my father. Or maybe, I think it's necessary to just listen to the story without taking it seriously.
It's like you're in control of your mind. You're not your father's pet, so you don't have to listen to him forever.
If you feel in danger, there is also a way to stay away from your father until you calm down in a place like a DV shelter.
Your human rights should be respected.

Postscript...
Thank you so much for your response. I would be happy if it helped you even a little bit. Well, listening is not ignoring. Those people don't like ignoring the most (my dad is the same), so I think it's a good idea to listen to it without really taking it seriously. Please do your best to become independent. Also, if you are uneasy, please contact us here.

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