My heart is painful

That's because I really want to live.
Rather than thinking about how to die, think about how to live.
Your lives have been connected since a long time ago.
Please return the favor to your ancestors by doing everything until the end.

If you really want to die, throw everything away with the intention that you have died and set out on a journey.
It's also great for a temple trip.
If they let me clean the temple and get a little money, I'll be able to eat it somehow.
While doing so, please take a fresh look at yourself.

appending
You can only communicate in anonymous text here, but if possible, please also call the following and ask them to listen to your story before you set out on your trip.
http://www.pref.iwate.jp/soudan/018870.html

　Today's age is 0.0 months. It's a “new moon” where the moon gets thinner and completely invisible.
It seems that many people feel like you on days like this, and that kind of trouble often comes into play here as well.
Well, let's calm down and eat something sweet first. Also, starting tomorrow, the moon will become thicker, so my feelings will calm down.
Strange, isn't it? Even though the moon is so far away, it seems like it affects the human mind.

If it's just this question, I still don't really understand you. Can you write in a little more detail? Many monks will listen to your concerns here. Please use it by all means. I'm waiting.

When analyzing the psychology of suicides when they committed suicide, there are experts who say that 90% of them were “depressed.”
Suicidal thoughts may appear as one of the symptoms of “depression.”
So if your suicidal thoughts go on for days, chances are you too have “depression.”
Just in case, why don't you see a specialist?
I believe that Buddhism is a method of mental health.
However, if you are already mentally ill, there are cases where it is better to consult a specialist first.