I just had a baby... please help me.

Thank you for your question, Coconuts.

It must have been difficult to hear that your parents lost so early.
Memories of my older brother, who disappeared quickly, also remain in my heart, don't they?

You think that pain has led to the negative side of who you are now.

Every human being dies.
You can't avoid it.

If you have experienced the death of a relative, you are well aware of the pain of “death.”

The Buddha said, “Everything hurts.”

Suffering is inevitable.
But the “suffering” mentioned by the Buddha is suffering that doesn't go the way you want it to
I say it.

Things that don't go the way you want just because you've become positive
It's not that it won't go away.

Rather, Mr. Hiroyuki Itsuki has doubts about positivity that does not pass through negativity.

You are familiar with death.
It might be fair to say I'm afraid.

But it is in response to the “death” that humans always face
It also means that the mind is ready.

Not only are you afraid of being mischievous,
Why don't you think about how to deal with “death”?

Nice to meet you, good morning. I took a look at your concerns. It's related to death, but first talk to your husband about your anxiety as it is. Also, please share the same concerns; sharing what you are uneasy about right now will make you feel much easier. Well then, on to the main subject, is the pity of leaving a child from age 0, but it depends on the circumstances of each family, so don't worry, the day will surely come when children become adults and say thank you for raising them properly while working together. It also makes you want to die, so aren't you alone with your worries? Please talk to your husband about your current feelings the way they are and talk to them carefully. They are a married couple for that, and they have a good understanding, so if things don't go well due to not being conveyed well, etc., please take your time and create a place to talk. Your older brother who passed away will surely protect you, so just as dying doesn't solve everything, dying doesn't solve anything. Conversely, is it OK to make children left behind feel the same sad feelings? That's different, isn't it? Please live greedily, and don't worry, you will always protect yourself for your children, for your husband, for yourself, and by visiting the graves of those who have passed away. Don't be impatient, don't work hard, the Buddha and your ancestors will watch over you. That's because your presence is what matters.

“The living must die.” Every life born into this world must die. I know that, but I can't “prepare”!
The more fearful you are about to die and the more you try to escape, the more painful it becomes, and you are struck by a sense of fear, hesitation, and anxiety.
You don't want to accept death right now! If you keep refusing it with your heart, you won't be saved no matter what time you go.
What I received from my parents and older brother was not just suffering from death; the most important thing is that people always die, this world is “impermanent,” and no one knows that there is always tomorrow for me. The only thing I know for sure is today.
You have to be aware. I, you, your child, and your husband all have their lives counted down from the time they were born! The lives of your children who are growing up every day have also been cut down and you are getting old. Everyone has the possibility of getting sick all the time, and always getting sick or injured at least once is a pain you can never escape from the time you were born due to “four hardships.”
Why do babies cry when they're born? Isn't it okay to laugh? “This world is like crossing a sea of suffering.” It's like being made of suffering. That's why the first thing I remember when I'm born is to “cry” so that I can lighten the bitterness of my future life even a little bit.

When you aim for happiness, you can always see happiness only after “suffering.”
Being “prepared” means accepting both hardships and pleasures!

You should be happy to have children. That determination is what causes suffering.
As you've already noticed, there's no connection between your past experiences and what's going to happen to your child in the future, and there's no need to worry.

The length of life is different for each person. There's nothing good or bad about short and long.
There is no such thing as leaving it at preschool = unhappiness.
It's important that you properly show your love when you spend time together.

If you worry too much about the future and neglect your time with the child right in front of you, it would be the end of the story.
Your child will also feel uneasy. If you don't cherish the present, there's nothing you can do about it. I have a treasure right in front of me. It's a pity for children to be delusional about the future that is yet to come and have anxiety without permission.
Your child is living well now. It doesn't drag on the future or the past. Parents learn and grow together from the appearance of their children.