I want to die

Laughter has become rare these days. I feel alone all the time, even when I'm with people. I immediately think I want to die.

I'm lonely living alone.
Job hunting is difficult, and even when I talk to my parents, they yell hysterically even though I don't have any knowledge about job hunting. They will interrupt me without listening to the end of my story. I will decide my future without permission.

Even if I talk to my friends, they say bland words like you can do your best and that you can do something about it.

When I was relied upon by my friends and juniors, I listened carefully to the story and consulted while choosing words.

I never made decisions, never imposed values, and tried to concretely convey the good points of that person.

That's because I was wondering if one day it would come back to me.
But it didn't come back. That's the limit.

Even at times like this, if you are relied upon, I think it's driving me to the point where I can push myself to death and help people. I'm tired.

4 Zen Responses

You're definitely tired...

　Job hunting, parent-child/relationships... all aren't going well, and you're both physically and mentally exhausted.
How about taking a day off? I'm going on a trip somewhere. If it's impossible, we recommend sleeping at home for a full day... changing your mood or recovering from fatigue.
If that's not possible, then stop thinking about this and that. Far from being “similar to taking a break from thinking bad,” worrying makes your mind and body more and more exhausted.
If you are relied upon by your friends and juniors, I'm guessing that you won and are an excellent person. Then you can also abandon the idea that kindness to those around you will return in the form you want. Someday, it may come back in a different, unexpected form. No, maybe they just don't notice that it's coming back.
Parents don't know about job hunting. Right now, I'm in exactly the same position as your parents, so I'm not lying. When asked for advice, I think I have to answer something, but there's no way I can give an accurate answer to something I don't understand at all, and I say to the child, “That's wrong. If it is pointed out that “I don't understand,” etc., there is no position for parents.
People are people. Even if I'm a parent, I'm not myself... I'm a different personality.
Please take a rest without thinking about anything first. I'm going to sleep! Please make a declaration and sneak into the futon. If you can't sleep, go for a walk. If you're hungry, grab some amazing sweets.
Then... don't worry, I have time. The Buddha is in no hurry. Please wait... not only the Buddha, but also the people around you...
　

Self-interest and altruism

Helping others by defeating one's own pain is a wonderful thing, of course, as a Bodhisattva act.

However, if you're not firm, you won't be able to help others.
Can people who can't swim really help people who are drowning?

Please prioritize yourself first.
Job hunting, social studies, qualification acquisition, hobbies, etc.
On top of that, if you can afford it, please act for others.
This is called self-interest and altruism. (There are various other interpretations of self-interest, but as one of them)

If you don't have anyone you can rely on, talk to Hasunoha about anything.
Recently, the number of questioners has increased dramatically, and it seems difficult to write questions, but we monks are watching over you.

You can't die.

It's about twice as good as Azu-san's.

When I was young, I just thought so; I was deceived, used, betrayed...

I can't do anything, and I don't like others...

I tried running it, and it's still alive like this.

The Buddha is protecting Azu-san, and there is still more work to be done.

If you feel like dying, please scream, cry, scream, and then, little by little, there will surely be a time when you can laugh.

Don't overdo it

Azu-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

I understand people's pain as if it were my own... so I can't leave them alone...

Exactly, the Buddha's will of mercy. It's not even a case where I'm gagging that Hotoke isn't Hot Ke, but...

In the aftermath of Britain's withdrawal from the EU, the world and society are facing further chaos, and in a difficult world where there will be more and more people who can only think about themselves, only people like Azu-sama who are kind will be important.

Other than dying We won't forgive..

But don't overdo it.

Balance and moderation are important in everything. Don't be extreme or too biased.

You can also change your mood, take a break, and feel refreshed.

Also, it is necessary not to think too much that you have to be like this.

When you push yourself in, there are many cases where you fit yourself into your own mold so much that neither one nor the other is working. You also need a little bit of flexibility.

If you listen closely with your parents and sort out each other's thoughts, I'm sure there may be compromises. While communicating the circumstances and situations, listen carefully to the other person's way of thinking, and then think about it for a moment in relation to your own way of thinking.

Anyway, don't overdo it, don't try too hard, don't assume too much.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

← all dialogues ← previous next →