About the circumstances that led to the idea of suicide

　I'm having a hard time.

“The Complete Suicide Manual” is a book by Tadashi Tsurumi that was published in 1993, isn't it?
When this book was released, I found it at a bookstore and bought it right away, and even now I reread it from time to time in places where I can pick it up right away. It's one of my favorite books. It should have been discontinued now, so it must have been difficult to obtain it.

At the end of the introduction, there is a story about “Angel Dust” (P8). This is a story about a person who always carries medicine that dies if you take it in a metal capsule. I read this book when I'm having a hard time thinking it's that “metal capsule.”

There's a saying “I bought a rope,” so maybe you only read that because “pain” is the least and “fatality level” is the highest? It's a masterpiece, so let's read it all from beginning to end. The “case studies” are particularly interesting.

“How to die” is certainly written in this book, and the author also says “if you want to live, you should live without permission, and if you want to die, you should die without permission,” but I feel that it supports the lives of readers who want to die. As proof of that, my favorite reader, I haven't died yet.

If you have discomfort in your right eye, nausea, or dizziness, go to your doctor and discuss it.
It's fine if you don't have any friends. Hasunoha also has a lot of questions about “I can't make friends,” so let's search for them and read them. This is my answer recently. If you look for it, a lot will come up.
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/10312
Exams aren't the only thing in life. There are also life choices not to take exams. You can take the exam, but you don't have to.

“Related Questions and Answers” will appear below this, and there are questions from people who feel the same way as you, so let's read them too.

If your heart hurts again, please come and ask questions. There are also people who ask the number of questions “63.” Even so, the monk didn't like it and gave me a proper answer. So don't hesitate to do it anytime and as many times as you like.

I read it.
You've been working hard by yourself until now.

But I thought it was still too early to choose death.

There is a saying that there hasn't been a single fun thing until now, but is that really the case?
Wouldn't it be fun just to have your mom by your side when she was alive?
Didn't they let me eat delicious meals, go to elementary school entrance ceremonies together, and be kind to me when I cried?
Did you have any fun spending time with your dad, grandparents, or others?
Or have you ever had fun doing something by yourself?
People have a habit of quickly forgetting pleasant memories and leaving only painful memories strongly in their memories.
Please remember the fun things carefully.
I'm sure there will be one.

And there's more to come.

Why don't you think about entrance exams first?
What is the purpose of taking the exam in the first place?
If you don't have a reason, you can get a job.
The reason you go on to college is to do a job in the future that you can't do without going on to college, right?
If you don't want to do that kind of work, let's work. Let's get rid of pride such as being embarrassed because people around you will go on to college. Please ignore the eyes around you. That's because it's you, not the people around you, who walk through your life. There's no point in being called by people around you.
There are many people around me who work as middle school graduates and high school graduates.

Also, if you actually want to go on to college, don't die. In case of emergency, think it's okay to be a ronin for 1 to 2 years, but please make an effort to do as much as you can.
If you can learn the same thing, you can lower the rank of the school you want to apply to.

Next, I'm all alone, but in fact, I didn't have any friends when I was in high school. I always take a nap or read a book during my break. I was eating my bento by myself. The people around me at the preparatory school were studying better than me, and it was somehow difficult to talk to them.
It's even more so since he originally had a quiet personality.
I was almost alone during the monk's training, but since there are collaborative tasks, etc., I was able to talk to a little bit thanks to that.
Also, my encounter with my wife was when coincidences overlapped.
So, if I chose death when I was in high school, I couldn't talk to or my wife after that.
That's why I don't want you to choose death yet.
There will always be unexpected opportunities ahead.

It's also pretty hard to commit suicide; it's not that easy just because you read the manual.

Even if you try so hard and don't die, one day you will die. No matter how much I hate it, I'm bound to die.

Why don't you live until then?

Why don't you use dying energy for living?

Why do we have to live? Because I want you to live.

If you work hard, you'll be rewarded someday, and there are fun things to be alive.

I'm not saying that. Because I don't know what's going to happen. it might just be painful after all.

A man appeared about 2,500 years ago. This is Buddha.

That person saw the reality of life, old age, illness, and death, and realized the awful nature of this world, and they were all said to be suffering.

And there is a cause for that suffering. That suffering can be destroyed. There is a way to end suffering. It was also said.

Wouldn't you like to know how to do that? It's a huge loss that we don't know the teachings that people in the olden days have noticed.

You want to live. That's why they talk to me like this. Even if your mind chooses death, I want to live the way you were before you thought.

I don't want you to die either.

Perhaps the path to ending suffering does not mean that suffering will completely disappear. Suffering can occur over and over again, but by knowing what the cause of suffering is each time, it may be a path where we can live with that suffering.

There is joy I feel when I live with suffering. I'd love to share it with you.

Please keep listening to my stories again and again. Any story is fine. It doesn't matter if it's about hobbies, silly stories, casual stories, or whatever you think that day. We look forward to seeing you.

Manshinosoko-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Mind and body are inextricably linked.

There are many ways to think of a case where the mind is sick and the body is sick, or when the body is sick and the heart is sick, but anyway, there may also be other causes of physical disorders that are not very related to the mind. Examples include adrenal fatigue and autonomic nervous system/immune system diseases. Poor physical condition due to these affects the mind and may be a cause of mental instability.

Depending on the treatment for both mind and body, symptomatic treatment may not be a fundamental treatment. Please worry about this a little bit, do a lot of research, and go to a hospital that can handle it.

When it comes to loneliness, there's no need to force yourself to fix up and make friends. Also, there may be relationships with like-minded people who can exchange information and opinions at another school, cram school/prep school, or even on SNS such as Facebook or Twitter without being particular about the school you attend.

I now think that people who can seriously exchange information and opinions on SNS and people who can work together are friends rather than friends they can meet in real life. Even at this hasunoha, I have hardly met any of the responding monks, but I think they are all friends of the law who share the same interests. Well, I think it's okay if you can expand the definition and scope of relationships a little bit within yourself.

As for the entrance exam... from me, who was defeated by the first choice three times, active, ronin, and Kamen ronin... even so, it wasn't my purpose in life to pass the first aspiration, so I didn't care about it as I worked hard on other things to some extent.

Please be a little more aware of the entrance exam and beyond, and try working on various things.

If I think about it now, I certainly had a lot of worries and suffering at that time, but once my high school/university life was over, to be honest, it was a blink of an eye.

No matter what, when you're in a small, oppressed world, I think there are times when you have the illusion that it's all in the world, your field of vision becomes narrow, and you get caught up and unable to move. I also recommend looking at yourself a little more objectively and taking a bird's-eye view.

Anyway, suicide is categorically discouraged. I would like to strongly state this once again.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho