Daughter's death

Junchi-san.

I know you've had a hard day.
Also, I think both the husband and the second daughter have their own sorrows and are suffering.

It must be hard for the second daughter to see her mother sad. Also, it may be painful for me not to be able to fill my mother's sorrow.

There was a saying, “I won't even put my hands on my older sister,” but after my father passed away suddenly, I couldn't put my hands together for a year when I saw portraits.
Then, two full years passed, and after the third anniversary, I finally came to terms with my father's death. I think it takes that long to accept the death of a loved one.

There is a Buddhist story called “The Parable of the Seven Children.”
“For example, there were 7 children, and 1 of them became seriously ill. It's a story about “Parents love their seven children equally, but only then do they pour love on sick children.”

Why don't you frankly confide Junchi-san's feelings (I feel sorry for the second daughter, but I have a deep sense of mourning for the eldest daughter) to the second daughter?

I don't think there's any way for everyone in the family not to get hurt.
I sincerely hope that we will suffer and overcome together.
I hope I can help you with little effort through hasunoha.

I know you've been through such difficult days that I can't express it in written words.

I understand that Junchi-sama, who is the mother, wants to respond to the second daughter's behavior, but please don't impose your mother's feelings on her right now.
I mean, Tetsuya Urakami also said, “I think it takes that long to accept the death of an important person.” That's it.
Adults, and monks, are like that, so it's even more so for children.

Also, since it's probably painful for the second daughter to see Junchi-sama, who is her mother, look sad, I think she is working hard to brag against Junchi-sama, who is her mother until she pushes herself to death.

The husband and Junchi-sama second daughter, who is the mother, share the same sorrow, but please also understand the fact that there are times when they are expressed in different ways.

Also, I wrote it in my previous post, and it's fine to write it here like this, but if there was a temple at the family temple that took care of me during the funeral, I would like to hear the story once.
Alternatively, you can call us (090-3390-2137).
I'm also concerned about the fear that there will be a gap between us, who are recipients of written language alone, and sharing the heart of Junchi-sama, who is the mother...
Please don't hesitate to talk.

Hello Junchi-san.

I would like to express my condolences to the eldest daughter.
Illness is something inside the body, and it's something you can't tell even if you take a quick look. What's more, it's the liver, so I hear it's very difficult to understand. Even when we interact with each other every day, we don't understand whether it's our family, teachers, or friends.

Now, what can we understand from Junchi-san's words?
It means I love my daughters. It must be sad. Also, I'm sure the second daughter is also sad and in tears. It's in a place we don't know and can't see.

They say it's as if there's a gaping hole in your heart, and that hole is a space where something you've lost must have been there.

So, is it possible to close that empty hole? The space where it should have been, and the eldest daughter's presence is huge. I gave birth with a stomach ache, and I was supposed to keep watching over the next 15 years. The eldest daughter is such a big person, so it may take longer... 1 week, 1 month, 1 year.

However. The empty hole is big, but you can think that Junchi-san herself is now being watched over by such a big presence (eldest daughter)...

They are conflicted, sad, accepted, and pretended. People go right and left to close an empty hole. And when it comes to smoothly closing the hole... I can't do it. Rather, it can also be said that it just goes back and forth over and over again.
This is because the fact that there was a hole cannot be changed.
There's no going back. The same goes for the eldest daughter. Also for Junchi-san, her husband, and second daughter.
But that doesn't mean you have to accept the facts right now.
The “time” from now on should make a difference. If we walk our path, the eldest daughter should also walk the eldest daughter's path.

I hope I can help you with little effort through hasunoha.

You might think it's cold from the title, but don't think about it simply; although it's a plain word, it also has a very deep meaning in terms of Zen ascetic practice, so please examine it carefully.
When people experience major losses, their defensive spirit flourishes.
“I wonder if such a horrible and sad thing will happen again”
Anger, fear, anxiety, and sadness arise in response.
Sometimes they go back to the past, and since they live in their thoughts, they probably dramatize their own thoughts over and over the correct truth in reality.
What you should do now is abandon the ideal state within yourself.
I think the ideals, expectations, and settings of “I want this to happen” are unknowingly showing up strongly.
The higher the ideal “my life should be like this” within myself, the more jarring it is when my real life is even slightly off.
This isn't limited to Junchi-san; everyone is like that.
Once the settings and my rules are gone, for better or worse, I have nothing to do but clear the current reality one by one.

“Live yourself”
I'm worried about my kids, it's bad for my kids, I have to be careful about my kids, I have to be more firm...
Who is triggering those thoughts in all of these?
Without a doubt, it's you.
Buddhism is a way to train oneself.
You think there are countless problems, but that's not the case.
I think about my eldest daughter, my second daughter, and I'm struggling countless times, let alone 108 a day
Just one of your heart, that one! That's it.
That's why we must live exactly who we are at the root without dividing our problems into a wide range of things.
That's not a bad thing. It's the right way to live.
I will live my life well.
I notice that all the things I think are outside are “my own thoughts.” Live responsibly. The first thing to do is adjust your mind rather than thinking about things outside. I'll say it again. Be good at yourself.
This is because if you think it's really bad for your second daughter, go back to your original mother. Even if your eldest daughter passes away, you're still the original mom! Regain yourself once and for all! This is because it leads to the greatest peace of mind and smiles for the eldest daughter, the second daughter, and you.