Can I live without getting involved with my mother-in-law or sister-in-law

Last time I discussed it on “My husband was told by my mother-in-law that I don't think she is an heir...”

From then on, my husband (eldest son) and I had discussions with my second son and his wife, third son, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and a third party (a relative of my father-in-law's side).

Last time, my husband was blamed by everyone for saying that he would break ties with his parents and his relatives, and I also apologized for saying that he would break ties.

My husband and I are leaving the house. It was decided that the third son would take over this house. I tell my husband that if he wants to meet his family, don't worry about me and meet him. However, at this stage, my husband says they won't show up for New Year's Obon, and they will become estranged.

As for myself, I don't want to get involved with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law for a long time to come. Especially my sister-in-law. I have a desire to treat my mother-in-law normally when my sister-in-law is gone from this world. If you don't have a sister-in-law, your mother-in-law is usually a nice person.

My sister-in-law harassed me several times, although it wasn't a big deal, and I stopped accepting my sister-in-law. They hate me too. They are good talkers and good at standing around.

My father-in-law's memorial service is now the 7th anniversary and 13th anniversary in 4 years, and I think I won't go (because I don't want to see my sister-in-law)... but my father-in-law took care of me... etc., so I'm worried about what to do about the future.

My mother-in-law's relatives told me that she left the house because she didn't like my sister-in-law, and it would be nice if a third party came in and the reason for leaving properly was conveyed to my father-in-law's relatives, but after all, I was thinking about whether I, the wife, would be called the bad person, and I'm mentally moved.

My sister-in-law got divorced 2 years ago, and she lives in Akita with 3 children, but it seems that she will move to her hometown Sendai next year.

At the discussion, they said “I won't go into my parents' house,” but just about 3 months ago, they said they couldn't live in Sendai because the city had fewer allowances than Akita... I thought maybe I would go into my parents' house, and since I'm already leaving, I know I don't need to worry about it even if I go in.

Is there at least a way for me to spend time without getting involved with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law for the rest of my life without being called a bad person by people around me?

I'm sorry for the incoherent situation. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Please talk to me calmly

I read it. I felt like you were being mentally and physically taken care of and driven by your relationships with your family. The relationship with your sibling in law is difficult, isn't it? It's something that doesn't work very well.
After all, there seems to be a problem with my sister-in-law's opinions and actions. Also, I felt like everyone was being swayed by it. Perhaps my younger sister is also showing strong opinions and actions in order to stabilize her position and life in order to survive. Also, since humans are compatible with each other and have values, I think it is unavoidable to some extent that they don't suit each other. Therefore, you should respond calmly, not like likes or dislikes, or things that don't suit you.

Speaking of how to be emotional even within the family, on the contrary, they should respond calmly. It becomes emotional within the family, and the results are very sad and disastrous. And it really doesn't lead you in the right direction.
As a word from the boy, I would like everyone in the family to keep the following in mind.
Above all else, our ancestors hoped and watched over everyone that they would get along well and live from now on. Everyone, please calm your mind, have thorough discussions about what is really the right method, and make your own decision. Giving opinions out of one's own will never be the right approach. Please carefully place your hands on your chest and make decisions according to your own conscience.

I sincerely hope that you and everyone in your family will feel and be aware of a really important relationship as you live from now on, and that you will live a rich life where it is easy to live together and full of happiness. Also, I would like to sincerely pray for your ancestors.
Your ancestors will continue to keep a close eye on you.
Please keep that feeling of gratitude in your heart and live according to your own conscience from now on.

Things that no one knows about

If you start to think badly about the future, there's no end. Any amount can negatively expand your imagination. No one knows what kind of life awaits in 4 or 7 years. You don't need to worry now either.

It seems like they don't want to be disliked or said badly, but is there a problem because they say bad things and you don't want to see them again in the future? Unless you don't like it or deal with it, it's all probably your opponent's problem. It doesn't matter what you think. Don't be swayed by such things, just follow the path you believe in.

Now it's time to get out of the house and get a proper new life. Please keep your feet on the ground and live well in the present rather than being aware of the future and let your delusions grow.

If you don't become that time, you won't know what it was like or how you felt at that time.

You don't need to hang out.

It's just one life.
Is it necessary to put up with such unnaturalness?
Regardless of the feudal era, now
You are free to do whatever you want, wherever you want to go against the law.
If my sister-in-law comes back,
I think it's an inevitable situation to enter the house. Everything about your husband's parents' house
You can leave it up to your husband and not get involved at all.
I'm already close to the 60th birthday,
It's better not to go out with a relationship at all, except when it's unavoidable according to social norms,
That's the theory.
When it's unavoidable, you have no choice but to attend the meeting, even if it's someone you don't like at work. That's about it.
There were times when I thought it would go well if I treated them with a low attitude and tolerance from here on out, but honestly,
I almost always had extra bad feelings.
Daring to fight is useless, so
Should I refrain at all costs,
I think the secret of relationships is to avoid people you don't like.
Living happily, brightly, and energetically
It's our mission.

Keeping a distance is unavoidable, but avoid insulation

　As one of those who answered the previous question, I'm sorry that this was the result.

Many problems with couples, parents and children, siblings, and relatives have also been asked in this Hasunoha question. You can almost imagine the actual trouble situation in the text of the question. However, there are more than a few cases where it is impossible to guess just the text of the question.

Relatives can also be very dependable, and there are also cases where they cannot be relied upon at all.

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We are being called back by quitting our jobs and abandoning our lives there. I didn't come in from here saying, “Please let me into my parents' house.”
＞
As I read the text written by “The Cat,” an inner indignation that goes beyond the text comes through. Therefore, I feel a little suspicious when I read the conclusion of this discussion between family and relatives.

If I were a relative at my parents' house and I fully understood the family situation by going in and out on a daily basis,
“My younger brothers and sisters probably know how the eldest son and his wife came back to their parents' house after being asked by their parents. As the eldest son, he also served as a mourner at his father's funeral. I think the phrase “I don't think he's an heir” is a bit excessive. Every human being can make mistakes, and sometimes say too much. It is difficult to fill the gap once it has been formed, but let's discuss it so as not to make the gap any deeper even for Mr. 00 (father-in-law) who passed away.
In order for A-kun (second son), B (third son), C-chan (younger sister), and your deceased father to feel safe and happy, let's think about what kind of family relationships they should have.” I would like to give you my opinion. However, relatives aren't really reliable these days, and maybe siblings only think about themselves. For the time being, I think it's unavoidable to keep some distance. However, I think it is better to avoid being completely insulated.

Even if I say that the third son will take over, I don't know what happened before. I think there is a possibility that the situation will change in various ways in the future. Keep a safe distance from your mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and try to have a reasonably good relationship with your brother-in-law and other relatives. For my father-in-law, if it's difficult to go to the Buddhist altar at my parents' house, I think it's a good idea to visit his grave every now and then.

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