I'm filled with the feeling that I want to die

I read it. You said goodbye, didn't you? I understand that you are having a very difficult time.
Breaking up with someone is hard... As you said, it may be natural for you to want to die. That's because parting ways feels like cutting myself off.
I think it's difficult right now to get them to accept that.
You won't be able to get that person out of your head no matter what, and you'll think about it even if you're told not to think about it.
Right now, please calm your mind first, remember various things with that person, and spend a relaxing time.
It's probably not going to change in any way right now, so please organize your mind little by little, even within yourself.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to visit a temple to calm your mind?
The Buddha can sincerely accept your thoughts. I think it's okay to face the Buddha firmly and listen to the inside of your painful heart.
You are being watched over by the Buddha and your ancestors.
You have been accepted. Please keep that in mind.

Also, please write about your painful feelings here. I hope that we, the monks, will be able to share that painful feeling while listening to your story.
I sincerely pray to the gods and Buddhas that peace will come to your heart.

I'm lonely because it's being properly received. It's sad.

That's fine.

Stay lonely when you're lonely. Stay sad when you're sad.

That's why I feel so lonely and sad that even if your head thinks “I want to die already,” your “life” wants to live.

I'm hungry even if I lie still and cry because I'm lonely and sad. Your life makes your body scream “I want to live.”

I'm not living my life. It can also be said that life keeps me alive.

The Buddha's wish is attached to that life.

Let's grieve together when we're sad. When we're lonely, let's be overcome by loneliness together.

Whether he leaves you or you leave him, there are things that are with you both without leaving.

That is Buddha. The life requested by the Buddha is living for you. I'm being kept alive.

I also received a lot of “loneliness” and “sadness” from the guy I broke up with. Not only him, but everything around me makes up who I am “now.”

So right now I'm just lonely and sad, and that's fine.

The Buddha's wish not to let go of you works there.

“Life is living for you now”

This is the theme of the memorial service for the 750th anniversary of the death of Shinran Shonin, the founder of the Otani school of Shinshu.

I felt such a wish from your consultation.

Namu Amida Buddha

You probably chose mercy over obsession. If so, that's not wrong.
You've just broken up and you're probably sad.
Please shed your tears and cry thoroughly.

Once you've calmed down, keep an eye on what's around you.
Have you left your family, friends, work, life, hobbies, and much more behind?
I recommend cleaning first.
If you clean it, it will naturally clean your mind as well.

Yuki-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

To those you love from the bottom of my heart, I would like to express your regret over having decided to break up with him yourself.

The suffering of “separation from love” is truly unbearable...

However, it is not a complete breakup, such as being widowed, and if it is still possible to meet, depending on a good causal relationship (cause and condition), we may even be able to return to a relationship where we love each other again.

“Love” is the character for “accepting the heart in the middle.” “Loving each other” means “accepting each other's hearts in the middle.”

I wonder if it would be difficult to honestly and honestly convey your feelings again...

If you're suffering until you say “I want to die,” I think it's okay if you can't let go of your feelings halfway, and once again, no matter which way you become, you can talk frankly with each other, even in the sense of putting up a fuss or breaking through.

Of course, it's good if your feelings are conveyed well and it works, but the opposite is also possible. However, no matter which one you choose, please consider speaking clearly once in order to get off to a fresh start and avoid regrets and self-loathing.

I wish you happiness.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho