Mindset for raising children

Comparing with other children, comparing between brothers and sisters... The children themselves don't care at all, and only the parents are bothered... I know in my head that each person has a different degree of growth, but my heart is in a state of turmoil.

I've also been raising children for 16 years, and that turbulence hasn't subsided. When the first and second children were little, I tried too hard, and I don't have many memories of being loved. But after I came to understand how many things my parents could do, I was able to relax a little bit.

Ai-san's kids are in their prime right now, aren't they? Please don't worry about those around you and love them to your heart's content.

Nice to meet you! Ai-san
Thank you for your question
Thank you for this relationship
Let me state my thoughts

I'm also currently raising children
Also, I have relationships with many moms through everyday activities
I think it's a very common problem

Right now I'm enjoying the garden more than anything else, isn't that enough

And Ai-san is definitely not bad
If you feel like that, be sure to take a look at the child in front of you
Above all, the reason I grew up this way is because Ai-san is doing her best
It's fine! Please walk with your child with confidence

Gassho

Ai-sama
My monk is also in the middle of raising three children. But my superiors are already high school students...
What is surprising is that the three brothers, the three three, have quite different personalities. Are the two older boys in particular so different?
There are still things that make me confused.

When Aisama's daughter left her parents for the first time, she entered a group life called kindergarten. It is natural that the daughter herself also had all kinds of confusion and joy.
As a parent, it may be unavoidable for me to feel uneasy compared to other children, but since my daughter is coming home happily, I don't think there's any problem.
As for Ai-sama, “What did you do in kindergarten today?” The most important thing is to ask them with a smile every day.
Please laugh together without showing an uneasy face in front of your child, and when your daughter is sad, gently surround her with sadness [the same perspective as a child].
There is a saying, “Shaka Mita is a merciful parent,” but for children, mothers are merciful beings who surround themselves (unfortunately, fathers don't have that much trust!?).
Please do your best with childcare, thinking that Ai-sama herself was raised to become a parent by her children.
If you have any concerns, please contact us again!

Don't impose your own desires on children.
For the most part, the fact that it would be better to do this, is often an adult ego.
Think of it like if you're not true to your own ego and your own rules, it's not fun.
A child is not ❝ my ❞, even if it's a child I gave birth to.
Internally, we respect them as independent entities.
If you bind them, they will repel.
If you impose your parents' rules, they will get angry.
If you hold back too much, you'll be a child who lies to yourself.
If you let go too far, your selfishness will increase.
Like being a good kid, like being a good kid...
That good kid, a good kid, is probably a “good kid convenient for parents, a convenient child.”
That's why I think it's good to be “friends” with children.
Don't be too intrusive, don't let go too far.
A common mistake in raising children is that parents have feelings about what to do with their children no matter how long it has passed.
Many parents in the world have too much awareness of their children as “mine” and “mine,” and they have the illusion that their children are their own property.
I received an admonition from my teacher, “Don't grow it like a bonsai tree,” and I feel that's true.
No matter how life turns, that child's life is unique.
It's about not imposing an ideal image of parents' happiness.
For me, the best education for children is to be able to be fine no matter how difficult things are going to happen in the future.
Buddhism is that. That's what I'm telling you here and at zazen sessions.
Your child doesn't understand at this point. That's why you, as a parent, need to know that. If you feel it is necessary, please come to the zazen session.
I will tell you about a heart that is not taken away by external things and is not affected by inner thoughts.