About breaking ties and values

The other day, when I was talking about the future with him who is thinking about getting married, “How do you get along with your parents?” I was asked.
I had no idea what it was about, so when I asked for details, they said, “I told you to break ties with my parents, right?”

However, I don't remember the story of “breaking the relationship” at all.
(My parents' house is close, so I go home about once a month.
Previously, he said, “Please be aware that once you get married, you won't be able to go home as often as before. That's what getting married is, isn't it?” I've been told that before, and I was aware of that point.)

I told him that he is important, but my family is also important, so I can't break ties with either one of them.
However, neither he nor I are in a position to give up.

When I asked them why they wanted them to break the relationship, they said, “I just want you to watch it. I want to have a monopoly.” That was the reason.

Maybe we meet once a month because of work.
I'm the type that thinks we should meet if the timing is right,
Looking back, he said, “I don't have time for work, so it's okay to come stay” and “will we live together?” We were waiting, so I wonder if they were the type we wanted to spend as much time together as possible.
If they were that type, I'm wondering if the reactionary one would have turned into this statement.

However, I cannot be ruthless towards my parents who have taken great care of me until now.
Also, I'm sad to wonder what he said to my parents, whom I've never met or talked to.

For my part, I'd like him to at least be allowed to get in touch with his parents and meet him a few times a year, but I don't think he'll change his mind easily due to his personality.
Also, since he is pressed for time, I don't think he will set up a long time to adjust his opinions with each other.

In such a case, if we continue to go on a parallel line, is it better to give up if we are compatible with him if our values don't clash with him?

Or is it just that I'm indecisive and want to continue my relationship with either one?

I'm sorry this is a long sentence.
I would be grateful if you could give me some advice.
Thank you for your support.

5 Zen Responses

If I were you, I think it would be better to quit that marriage

It's not normal to say “I want you to break ties with your parents” even though they aren't particularly bad parents, or even though they don't have special circumstances.
Also, the reason is “I only want to see myself, I want to have a monopoly,” which is even less normal.

I think it's strange that even though I haven't left him alone, I'm not allowed to go back to my parents' house once in a while, or even contact him.

Let's stop

Saying such a thing isn't that I really want to take care of you; it's just the way you care about yourself. It looks like they misunderstood love. Being able to say things that you don't like or that take away your precious things and stay safe is probably someone who loves you so much.
If I continue like this, I will be tempted to do so even by force if my own thoughts don't get through.
Honestly, I'm scared.

If you talk to them and they seem to understand, you should talk about it, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Let's stop it.
If he still has his appeal, I have no choice but to persuade him. That's because it's you, including your family.

because it's your life

I read it. As Master Kunimoto and Master Sato said, he has a pretty strong desire for exclusivity. It's a statement because I want to have a monopoly on you, so it even feels like a mass of selfishness from such statements.
If you're really satisfied with your life by living while being bound by him, that's probably the case, but what do you think?
It's your life, so please think carefully before making a decision.
Also, be sure to have a thorough discussion with him. That's because it's about the precious lives of the two of you in the future.

Just in case, if you stop being in a relationship, please speak clearly and calmly with each other. And if he gets emotional, think carefully.

Can you become a family with someone who doesn't value his family?

Did your family do anything terrible to him?
If that's the case, it's different, but if that's not the case, you'd better think carefully about marrying him.
He is ignoring your desire to cherish your family and will live only by his own desires.
Will I be able to build a good family by marrying a guy who doesn't value his family?

See through the other person's true intentions

People don't get married out of desire on one side, do they?
People marry because of the love of both parties.
Let's say he was a cook.
As long as you serve delicious food, is that OK?
If they are also delicious, should delicious dishes containing chemical seasonings, preservatives, colorings, and additives be served every day?
Recently, I saw commercials for cup ramen that say “drink it up,” and I felt it,
I don't feel like interfering with that company's business at all, but I felt that if I could really drink it, it would be nice if they thought not only about the taste, but also about the effects on the body after drinking it up.
For example, there are vegetables and fruits on the market that don't eat insects at all.
I fiddle with the fields from time to time, so I know that it's impossible for insects to eat vegetables.
Vegetables that bugs don't eat are lined up at supermarkets.
There is a message there that if insects eat it, they will die.
Cup ramen you can drink up?
Chemical substances dissolve out of the pack by pouring boiling water, or “drink up” even though plenty of chemical substances, preservatives, and additives are seeping out, would you recommend it to my child, even if recommended in commercials? What I don't recommend is love.
There's no reason the manufacturer doesn't know either.
Words that taste good and are easy to hear are used as fishing words for people ❝ people who fish ❞ hosts, musicians, and advertisements.
It's just an outward label, and it has a different purpose.
The answer is “I'm dating my partner at that level where you disrespect them, and it's OK if you give them what you need.”
What's more, in his case, he says “I don't need your parents” and “I love you, but I don't care about the person who gave birth to you” even when it's ostensibly labeled, right?
yeah.
That's crazy. You don't think about your old age or your parents at all.
You can clearly see how lying the “I love you” label is.
You should check that out. I recommend breaking up right away.
Even if I say that people who lack that kind of thing at this point love people, love that is convenient for me, love that is convenient for me, love that is conditioned. It's not love, it's desire.

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